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rex S. GibSon
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TABLE OF CONTENTS
Dedication foreword introduction 1st Half of the Game: Why We Fail at the Game of Life Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 fear: Why We Choke in the big Game Problems: Game Stoppers Living in the Past: The Games We Lost, but Cant Seem to Let Go of Justification: no matter What the excuse, You Still Lost the Game bad Data: Playing Tennis with a baseball bat The head Game: The Loudest heckler 2nd Half of the Game: How to Win the Big Game Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Chapter 13 Chapter 14 Chapter 15 The Game of Life: first read the instructions The best Game Plan: everyone Wins Purpose: Your Secret Weapon for Success reality: Play Your Game and Play to Win Luck: Create it, Dont rely on it ethics: Guaranteed Personal Victory Confidence and Courage: Your Two Greatest Teammates Goals and Targets: first Down, Touchdown, and Victory Time: Creating more Time on the Game Clock 55 63 67 71 75 85 89 103 121 17 21 33 37 41 47 7 9 13
Overtime: The Score is Tied: Score the Game Winning Goal Chapter 16 Chapter 17 finances: The energy to Create new Games business: building Your fan base for Success 135 145
rex S. Gibson Chapter 18 Chapter 19 Chapter 20 Spirituality: The Game that Sets You free relationships: Youre the Captain, Pick the right Team Gratitude: embrace Your opponents Bonus Section Create Your Game and map out Your Plan for Success Conclusion 191 211 163 175 185
DEDICATION
This book is dedicated to all Players of The Game. first and foremost, i would like to thank my beautiful wife emily, for without her help, i would never be the success that i am today. She has been an inspiration as well as an incredible teammate. She has played every position a player couldfrom bat boy, to player, to coach and confidant. as the saying goes, behind every successful man, there is a great woman. Thanks honeyi LoVe You! next, i want to thank my children for giving me inspiration, keeping me grounded, and helping to remind me that life iS a game and to always keep my childlike perspective of life. it is through their eyes that the game should be played. i also want to leave this book to them to help remind them as they grow to not lose their own kid vision as so many adults do. may you always play and prosper through games my loves! This whole book would not be possible without my parents. They gave me life and raised me with ethics and morals. They impressed upon me what can be achieved through good ol fashioned hard work and never wavered from a you can do anything attitude. i draw strength from each of their lives and find inspiration in their marriage. i love you mom and Dad! i want to say Thank you to all the coaches ive had throughout my life; from my peewee baseball coach, to golf coaches, to inspirational life coaches. no elite athlete gets to the top without the unsung heroism of great coaches. So i raise my glass to aLL coaches and say, ThanK You!
rex S. Gibson finally, i want to dedicate this book to all the readers. it is You i wrote the book for. it is You who may be my next teammate in a business venture or helping me coach my sons baseball team. i trust you will find inspiration and motivation to create your life how You see it. i know you have the strength to achieve all that you set out to doand you now have the keys to unlock your potential. i postulate that you will flourish and prosper in abundance through games and rocket to the top, standing on the top podium receiving the gold medal in The Game of Your Life!
FOREWORD
Somewhere there is an ultimate Creator. one absolute source from which everything and everyone is created. everything that is comes from this Creator. it holds the stars in place and gives the moon its light. it is powerful enough to give the sun its intense energy and delicate enough to construct a rose in absolute stillness. This creative source contains all energy that ever was or will be, it is neither created or destroyed, it is the cause and effect of itself. it not only has no end, but also no beginning - it Just is. There is no end to what this Creator can do. for no other reason than for times sake, i will refer to this Creator as Grace from this point on. one day Grace decided to create a place to play (as rex will tell you). now, where would the Grand organizing Designer of the universe to go play? a Playground, of course! but Grace first had to carefully select and create this playground. it needed plenty of equipment so Grace happily began to construct the entire thing. When all said and done, the playground had slippery slides, giant swings, epic sandboxes, and a merry-go-round that would blow your mind! it had every single aspect in order to have a blast and play with no worries...one problem, Grace needed some playmates! if you are all alone on this epic playground you eventually become exhausted from 9
rex S. Gibson running alongside the merry-go-round before bravely hopping on to watch the clouds spin above your head! Grace had so many things to do in the playground and infinite games to play. So one day, after a long nap, Grace took each game it wanted to play, one by one and carefully thought about how to play. one by one, Grace made the rules for each game. after completing the game, Grace picked out a certain skills the players of the game needed and with absolute certainty, made the PerfeCT playmate to play the game with. The combination could not be more perfect. Grace picked the game and the playmate in such a way that they could both have fun every day, constantly improve and above all - be happy! how is this relevant? The perfect playmate is you. The perfect game is your life and the playground is this entire planet. The purpose is to have fun while playing with your playmates (especially the one who created you). The point of me telling you this story is to prove the point that rex states many times throughout this book. his entire philosophy is based on one basic premise: Life is a Game! he teaches you how to take even the most stressful, serious, and discouraging events in your life and how to transform those negative experiences into an event that empowers you to become better, to transform yourself and to enjoy everything!
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The Game of Your Life if there is anyone who is qualified to teach this philosophy, it is Dr. rex S. Gibson. he has one of the most successful pediatric dentistry clinics in the united States (as well as many other successful entrepreneurial ventures), his income level is in the top 1% of the population and he has a wonderful family life in which everyone is healthy and happy. The most important and amazing thing about all of this is how he literally enjoys every single day. Sure he has days that are extremely challenging and frankly where others may give up, but he takes on seemingly impossible challenges, turns them into games (hell explain that later in the book) and comes out on top a better businessman and a better person. You see, the best measure of ones character is not how they behave when success is present, but rather how they act when things get tough. rexs character is consistent and true in all circumstances and his results prove it. i have read hundreds of personal development books; seemingly everything from anthony robbins to Zig Ziglar and while they have all helped me in some way, Dr. Gibsons book that you are about to embark on has had one of the greatest impacts upon my personal and business life to date. i thank rex and i congratulate you as you begin this new Game of your Life!
In-Joy Every Page! Jeremy D Brown Author of several books including: No Limit Living: How to Think Big, Act Bold and Live With Purpose International Speaker, Author and Entrepreneur President and Founder - No Limit Publishing
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INTRODUCTION
When you are a kid, life is full of fun and of games. it doesnt matter what the game is. it could be red rover, dodge ball, checkers or baseball. They simply enjoy the game. Children are not burdened by real world problems like taxes, mortgages, car payments, jobs, marriages, and money. Children go to school and look forward to their future. remember saying, i cant wait to be an adult? as we grow up, society forces us to get serious about life. They want us to believe that its no longer fun and games. it is ingrained in us that we need to fear the consequences of life and act with caution. Society sucked the fun out of life. it stole the childlike dreams we had as kids. Slowly you begin to believe that life really isnt fun. all the fun and games are gone. The reality, of course, is that the world didnt change you did. The only distinction between the games that kids play and the games that adults play is the considerations of the players. Life is full of games, but when the game stops being fun, we lose interest and dont want to play anymore. This book was written to help you understand how life iS a game, WhY it is sometimes difficult, and hoW you can recapture your youthful outlook on life to stack the deck in your favor so you can win the game of life! i grew up playing and competing in all types of sports. as i grew up and decided on a career, i knew i wanted to work with people and help the people i was working with. as i progressed through my training as a dentist, i found myself able to relate well with children and they 13
rex S. Gibson related well with me. it seemed that we operated on a similar frequency. Kids love games and i considered myself to be a big kid. it was as if my career found me. as i started my career, i used and applied techniques from motivational speakers i had read or heard and coaches in my past to create and grow my practice. as i grew as a person, i began to reflect on life. Drawing inspiration from the little people i help every day, i began to assimilate a theory of life, an amalgam (dental humor) of universal principles which prove that kids have it right. Life is a game and it should be played like a game, with unbridled enthusiasm and an over the ramparts zeal for life. This book will help you lay out the rules of the game, understand and avoid the obstacles to success, and cultivate the skills necessary to keep your eye on the ball to hit that home run, every time. by the end of this book you will recapture the thrill of victory as you come across the finish line first, relive the roar of the crowd as you catch the winning touchdown pass, and revive the passion which helps every olympian to greatness. See you in the winners circle! nowlet the game begin!
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rex S. Gibson takes the relentless abuse of sack after sack. now obviously, we are not discussing life and death, but when you see an angry, 64, 350 pound man barreling toward you with the intention of mashing you into the ground, you may feel that your life could be in danger. in the first example, there is no threat. You are comfortable. The second example creates a different feeling. Your sense of awareness would shoot to another level. You would likely be making plans to protect yourself to prevent injury or worse. You would be much more attuned to the situation.
FEAR is an acronym in the English language for False Evidence Appearing Real. Neal Donald Walsch
The strongest urge people have is survival, and fear is based in this need to survive. Survival is your most fundamental need, and every decision you make is based somehow on your need to survive. furthermore, all decisions that affect you personally can also affect everyone you come in contact with. for example, when you decide to cross the street, you collect the information, process it, and decide on the best way to cross without endangering yourself or anyone in the area. When you make that good decision, it means that your kids still have a father to come home to them, the office still has a valuable worker, society still has an upstanding part of the community. even though it seems like a simple example, it proves my point that every choice is based on making pro-survival decisions, and that all decisions affect all aspects of your life and beyond.
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The Game of Your Life if at any time in your daily interactions with people you feel that this need for survival is threatened, you instantly feel fear. if you truly dissect the things in your life which bring you fear, then you will see that the root of that fear is the tension between your desire to survive and the threat that you will lose the means to ensure your survival.
Many of us crucify ourselves between two thievesregret for the past and fear of the future. Fulton Oursler
but where does fear come from and why do we experience it? The answer lies in failed success. We all want to succeed and success comes from being riGhT. The more often you are right, the more success potential you possess. To the degree that a person experiences failure, that persons success potential is lessened. it is simpleif a persons ability to succeed is threatened, the individual feels fear. We will discuss in later chapters how to overcome fear, but for now, knowledge is power. Knowledge sheds light on once unknown subjects. With this small light, we take our first step to conquering the game of life.
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rex S. Gibson or the information is mixed up, chances are you will find yourself stuck with a problem because it is difficult to fix a situation that is confusing or laden with bad information.
The Game of Your Life the formula and Scottie is able to see the solutionproblem solved. in real life, it is sometimes difficult to look objectively at a situation to find those missing links. We need to take off our rose colored glasses, obtain all the correct information, eliminate confusions, and seek the truth. in the truth lies the solution to all problems.
rex S. Gibson The real key to controlling or reducing problems is responsibility. (This is a truly deep subject and you may need to reread this section a few times to absorb the entire concept.) The more responsibility you assume for everything around you, the more control or influence you will have over it. You cannot control anything over which you assume no responsibility. have you ever seen the commercials on TV for the starving children in third world countries? im not suggesting whether should send money or not. i am merely pointing out that these commercials are a good example because they ask you to take responsibility for the kids, and by taking responsibility and donating money, you can help feed those children.
The problem is not that there are problems. The problem is expecting otherwise and thinking that having problems is a problem. Theodore Rubin
now lets take this concept to the next level. if personal responsibility must be taken in order to exert control and influence over a particular situation, then it stands to reason that in order to exert control overt conflict or problems, one must assume responsibility for them as well. This is to say that you must assume full responsibility for causing the entire situation, both what you did to create it and any reaction from others who are in the situation with you. a great example of this is when a customer gets really heated up at a store clerk. if the clerk enters into the conflict, then the match is ignited, and a fight begins, but if the clerk simply states, i can see why you feel that way, and i can help you with this situation, the argument is over. by accepting responsibility, the clerk is able to be in control of the problem. 24
The Game of Your Life at this point, some of you might be thinking, hey rex, are you saying that it is best to cow down, roll over, and give up? Let me be clear: i am not suggesting that you admit you are wrong just to keep the peace. i am suggesting that you simply realize that you have a part in any conflict or problem. if you were mugged in an alley, the reality is that you chose to walk instead of taking a cab. if someone is mad at you because of a joke you made, you decided to tell the joke. if you run out of gas, you were the one who passed three gas stations and chose not to fill up when you had the chance. it is not easy to look at ourselves and examine our role in the conflicts of our lives, and it takes real courage to accept responsibility for causing the situations that give us trouble. it is easy to lay the responsibility on someone elses shoulders, but doing so is for the weak and uncreative. i suggest you look at the situation from the other persons perspective. analyze the situation and ask, What did i do to make this happen? and What can i do to correct it? Look for possible misunderstandings maybe you didnt explain something well. The more you start to take responsibly for the reactions you receive, the fewer problems you will have with other people. remember, you cannot have control or influence over anything unless you assume responsibility for it. if you sit back and watch the scene as it unfolds, you will see the truth. remember: problems come from confusion and faulty information. a customer becomes upset either due to confusion or to having received bad information. it is your job at this point to unravel the situation either by finding and correcting the wrong information, or by finding the misunderstanding and helping the customer to comprehend.
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rex S. Gibson here is a helpful hint about what to look for: 1. Who or what was the source of information? Good information must come from reliable and unbiased sources that offer complete and unaltered data. (examples of unreliable sources: my next door neighbor saidi saw it on the internetmy grandpa used to say.) 2. Do you understand what is being said or what is written? There is an old phrase- if you dont know the words, you cannot sing the tune. The same is true of our language. if you do not understand the words correctly, you cannot understand correctly what is being said or written. how upsetting it is to try to speak or understand a person who is using a foreign language that you do not know. especially if they seem to be trying to communicate something important. We need to also consider that we may not know all of the 20,000+ words in our own language, and that perhaps we are hearing the words but do not have the right meaning. once the source of the confusion is found and corrected, the upset individual can comprehend the situation. once understanding is reached, you will see him or her come up in emotion and attitude. understanding comes from being able to duplicate or replicate something exactly. This is why it is so important to make sure that the data comes from reliable sources and that there are not any misunderstanding with the words that were used. imagine putting together a Christmas present for your child. You pull all 258 parts out of the box, open the instructions, and find that they are written in Chinese. That is likely going to cause you confusion, frustration, and difficulty when it comes 26
The Game of Your Life to assembling the toy. This same principle can be applied to other people in different situations. unfortunately, people do not come with instructions or a nice step-by-step guide; therefore, it is important that you take responsibility, and use your skills of observation to duplicate and obtain understanding. Just like the upset customer or the some assembly required toy, the better you can duplicate a situation, the more control and influence you have over a situation.
rex S. Gibson you can learn from others advice and experiences, you will find yourself opening up to solutions in places you never realized were options. 3. Understand that answers come from an unlimited stream of venues. The answer to questions can come from any number of places, so you cannot close your eyes to any potential venue. The answer may be in the least likely place. Where did aspirin come from? answer: The bark of a tree. This is an unlikely place to find a pain reliever, but it proves that answers can come from anywhere. be willing to find truth wherever it may live! The winning answer can come from anywhere. 4. Always be open to the answers. i love the saying, Dont ask the question if you dont want to hear the answer. in order to find answers, you need to possess a passion to look for a solution even if it comes from an unlikely source. You also must be willing to accept that answer. The foolish man looks past truth in search for a better truth. What i mean is dont just look for convenient truthsfind real truth. again, top athletes who remain at the top for years find ways to recreate their greatness. andre agassi changed his coach and his workout and as a result saw a resurgence to the top of the standings when many thought he was over the hill. as they say, the truth is not always pretty, but only when you find and use real truth can you be a true problem solver. 5. No excuses: get the job done. Successful problem solvers dont offer excuses. no one really cares why you didnt complete a task on schedule, or what your excuse is for making a mistake. Powerful people just do what they have to do, correct any bad products, and apologize for wronging someone. This is what separates average athletes from the elite. elite athletes simply get the job done. no one wants excuses, and whenever you offer an excuse, it takes the power out of your apology. 28
The Game of Your Life 6. Accept responsibility. The person who accepts responsibility for a problem will get it solved. i am not referring to personal responsibility, but rather full responsibility for the situation. become the parent of that problem and be willing to stick with the problem until it is fully resolved. Sometimes those problems go away quickly and sometimes they take longer, but the key is responsibility. for example, consultants come in, take responsibility, and fix a broken business. They take it on, analyze it, fix it, and then give it back. my wife was an auditor for years, and she would go in, find the problems, find the outpoints, and then provide solutions. She single handedly took a $25 million company out of bankruptcy in one year because of the amount of responsibility she was willing to take on. She literally took that companys game from a losing season to the Super bowl. That is what great coaches do. They take full responsibility for their team and make the win. 7. Be decisive: dont waste time. Problem solvers view time as a precious commodity and dont feel the need to take a vote on every topic or issue. Some problems may require gathering information to make a decision. Good problem solvers collect data, analyze the information, make a decision, and take responsibility for that decision. in baseball, you may only get three pitches. You cannot just wait around for another. You may not get another chance. be decisive. if you are wishy-washy, you will tend to blame someone else and not take responsibility. 8. Be willing to fail. all great leaders and successful people have failed at some point in their lives. if you are not willing to fail, you will never succeed because you will never put yourself in a position to succeed. michael Jordan was the top basketball scorer in history, 29
rex S. Gibson but how many baskets did he miss? babe ruth holds the record for home runs, but he also ranks 94th in career strike outs! if you want to be great you have to try, and with trying comes occasional failure. With every failure comes a little lesson that you can learn from the next time. You must be willing to fail so you can see these lessons. There are very few things in life that cant be recouped or fixed. making a bad decision is like taking a wrong turn: just back up and get on the right path.
Every great man, every successful man, no matter what the field of endeavor, has known the magic that lies in these words: every adversity has the seed of an equivalent or greater benefit. W. Clement Stone Why do people give up when they have problems?
People give up when they become overwhelmed. The confusion of the situation becomes too great for them to handle and they simply shut down to attempt to protect themselves. When you are not armed with defenses, you become an easy victim, and are easily overwhelmed in one fell swoop, much like when america overwhelmed Japan in WWii with the atom bomb, but overwhelming a victim can be a slow and insidious process. over time, each attack weakens the victim and leads ultimately to a total overthrow. This is exemplified by a boxing champion. The champ seems unfazed early on in his career, but later; multiple blows to the head and body accumulate, leaving the champ vulnerable to losing his title.
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The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You do not blame them on your mother, the ecology, or the president. You realize that you control your own destiny. Albert Ellis
Problems can overwhelm people just like any other force. They can come in a large, devastating form like the crash of the stock market, the loss of a loved one, or a natural disaster. They can also accumulate over time, like president Clintons multiple affairs, evading taxes over the years, or excessive drinking. either way, problems eventually weigh down your attitude and slow your performance. here are some simple steps to follow when you start feeling overwhelmed 1. Reduce confusion. research and find accurate information that allows you to create a workable plan to solve a problem. also, clear up anything that you dont understand about a situation. With these two things accomplished, you have a platform from which to launch a program to solve any situations that you may be facing. 2. Shed the weight and clean up the clutter. as we said before, small problems can accumulate and eventually become large problems. assess your situation, and solve any small problems that confront you. handle each one in a prioritized manner from most urgent to least. be decisive and act with confidence.
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rex S. Gibson 3. Do not allow further accumulation of clutter. Simply handle obstacles and barriers as they come up. Do not procrastinate. Keep your runway clear for takeoff, because if you need to scramble the jets, you dont want to waste time cleaning junk off the tarmac. 4. Win. unfortunately, there are winners and losers in life. Losers are overwhelmed; winners overcome barriers and obstacles to eventual victory. This is not to say that you will win every battle; just dont lose because you gave up. never go out without a fight. Go down in flames of glory.
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CHAPTER 3 LIVING IN THE PAST: THE GAME WE LOST, BUT CANT SEEM TO LET GO OF
reliving past failures is the biggest mistake humans make. We continue to judge ourselves based on what happened in the past. We tie these past failuresthis garbageto ourselves and drag it around like a ball and chain, and then when we are called upon to make a decision, instead of looking at the relevant data of the current situation, we look at our ball and chain for the answer. it is this method of decision making that holds people back. now, im willing to bet that each one of you is saying, i dont do that! That, too, is garbage. We all do it. im not saying this to berate youi am just stating facts. every athlete, whether playing pee-wee baseball, high school basketball, college football, or professional golf, has encountered this. it can make or break that athlete. What golfer hasnt stood over a two foot putt, a gimme by any means, and had something in the back of his head say dont miss thatyoure going to miss that.miss it? it is like hearing the guy in the stands saying, hey batter, batter, batterswing batter, and you swing at a horrible pitch. Great athletes find a way to break through, drop the garbage off at the curb, and move on to victory lane. 33
rex S. Gibson in The New Earth by eckhart Tolle, the author explains that we have an ego, which is you, the pure you, your spirit. We also possess what he calls a pain body. L. ron hubbard also describes these two concepts in his book Dianetics: modern Science of mental health as the analytical mind and the reactive mind. others have described it as the devil on one shoulder and the angel on the other. it doesnt really matter what you call it, the result is the same. When we hurt ourselves physically (like breaking a leg) or mentally (like failing at something), it leaves a scar, whether physical or mental. Knowing that we like being right and do not like being hurt, we simply lump all painful experiences into the same category and avoid them. When we draw on these past painful experiences we make bad decisions that prevent us from expanding into new horizons and trying new endeavors. it is a safety mechanism used to protect us from our past bad decisions by keeping history from repeating itself. it is animalisticit is designed for self preservation. The problem is that it can lead to irrational behavior or poor decision making. avoiding making the same mistakes repeatedly is a useful tool. i believe einstein said, The definition of stupidity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. i do not want you to repeat the poor decisions of your past, but i dont want the past to keep you from reaching for higher aspirations. This protective mechanism is like the low oil indicator light on the dash of your car. The difference is that the human low oil light turns on even when the oil isnt low: it could turn on when it is close to low, or if it thinks it might get low. The difference is that the car is using real data, and your indicator is using emotional data. 34
The Game of Your Life People, because we like to be right, try to make good decisions based on good information. The best decisions come from taking the most current data and formulating the most pro-survival answer for yourself and others around you, but unfortunately, your protective mechanism doesnt do that. Lets take, for example, the housing boom of the early 2000s. many people bought, built, and sold multiple houses while the prices of houses were increasing by double digits each year. That was a good decision based on good data. Then came the housing crash of 2006-2007. The downturn in the housing market came quickly and caught many people off guard. it created grave financial troubles for our entire economy. now, if you were one of those caught off guard, the protective mechanism of the ball and chain would tell you, You made a big mistake. You are stupid. You should never invest in real estate again. if you were to analyze the situation, however, you would find that the decisions you made about real estate investment were sound, and made with the best and most current information you had available. never investing in real estate after the housing market crash of 2006-2007 is like saying you will never walk near an orange tree because one time many years ago you walked by one and an orange dropped on your head, or that you should never eat food from a restaurant because one time it made you sick. reliving old failures fogs up your perception of the wonderful possibilities in the present moment. Say, for example, a top downhill skier has an terrible crash in the Super-G, resulting in knee joint blowouts, a fractured pelvis, a dislocated left shoulder and three broken ribs. after the body heals, the racer is left with the memory of the crash, the pain of the injuries and the agony of the recovery. it would be understandable for the racer to simply retire. his instinct says that if he were to race again, he would get hurt again. he may even go to 35
rex S. Gibson the extent of never getting on skis again. The event may have left him with such a mental scar that fear now pervades his every thought about skiing. any analytically thinking person would know that one accident does not mean you will have more, but it is the power of reliving past failures that gives the previous incident control over you. You use all your past information to help you cope with the present moment because you want to stay safe, but the real effect is that this action creates obstacles in your life.
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CHAPTER 4 JUSTIFICATION: NO MATTER WHAT THE EXCUSE, YOU STILL LOST THE GAME
Why did you fail? Just ask and people will give all sorts of reasons. many of these reasons point to people and factors other than the person answering the question. These are called justifications. Justifications explain away failures and mistakes. no one likes to be wrong, and people will go to great lengths to make themselves right despite any actual failure or wrongness. They will give all manner of reasons why something did not get accomplished, and they will blame someone else for their failure, or better yet, they will blame an animal or an inanimate object for the failure. People spend an absurd amount of time and energy giving wimpy, Why i didnt do this, or Why i didnt finish that speeches. excuses and justifications are protective coping mechanisms used to convince ourselves that we are right and there must have been some outside force that kept us from reaching our goals. in reality, nothing could be farther from the truth. The truth is that you could have finished the task, but you allowed some other element to deter you from your goal. 37
rex S. Gibson Just like any other form of brainwashing, if you hear something enough, you will begin to believe it. individuals tell themselves and possibly other people why they failed, and as they do this, the lies gain momentum and power. finally, after hearing these false truths enough times, they begin to feel okay about not accomplishing their goals. in the end, not only do the individuals feel okay about the failure, but they may even create other justifications as to why they shouldnt attempt that task again later. Justification, excuses, and blaming others are irresponsible behaviors. The truth is, anything can be accomplished if the correct strategy is taken in combination with some good old fashioned hard work. nothing in life that is worth having is easy to obtain. i want to tell you a story that is very special to me. it is a story from which i have found much inspiration and hold very close to my heart. here is a true success story about a man named richard. i know this man very well, and he told me this story many years ago. it touched me and has helped me during times when i felt i could not muster the chutzpah to drive forward. richards father died in WWii when he was a child. his mother remarried an abusive alcoholic who lacked the motivation to keep a steady job and was in and out of jail. When richard was about thirteen years old, his stepfather got out of jail and decided to move the family to California. richard stood his ground and refused to move away from his hometown with an abusive, alcoholic stepfather. a few years later, his mother died in a house fire and his guilt stricken stepfather committed suicide. richard had lost not only his own father, but his mother and stepfather by his fifteenth birthday. 38
The Game of Your Life although this story is sad, i didnt tell it so you would feel sympathy for richard. i told you this as the beginning of a great success story. With all the drama and trauma that richard endured throughout his childhood, he could have easily blamed others for his circumstances and taken a life path that would have led to crime, alcoholism, and possibly his demise. This is not what happened.
You cant hit a home run unless you step up to the plate. You cant catch a fish unless you put your line in the water. You cant reach your goals if you dont try. Kathy Seligman
richard worked on oil rigs as a teenager, and eventually put himself through college, had a family, and owned his own company. This is the american dream, but is also a story of hard work and perseverance. i wouldnt be telling you this story if richard had blamed everyone else for his life circumstances and made excuses about why he never made anything of his life. i tear up every time i tell this story. Whenever i start to feel sorry for myself and want to throw in the towel, i think back to richard and all that he overcame to win the game of life. This man has been pivotal in so much of my life. he has been my motivation and my inspirationhe was even my best man when i got married. When i think that times are tough, i simply remember the story of richard Gibson and say, Thanks, Dad. You are my hero! if you know you are sidestepping success by convincing yourself it cant be done, at some point you are going to have to face the music. You must face yourself and realize that all the excuses you have made about why it 39
rex S. Gibson cant be done are nothing more than excuses you invented. as the saying goes, no one will take care of your business like you. This holds true for your life. only you are going to make your life a success, and only you can push past the excuses and justifications of your own failures.
It is easy to dodge our responsibilities, but we cannot dodge the consequences of dodging our responsibilities. Josiah Charles Stamp
it takes energy to explain away your failures. if you spent as much energy finding solutions to your circumstances, you will not only create a solution, you will also not have wasted any additional energy with excuses. Stay away from justifications and excuses. it comes down to personal integrity and ethics: take full and personal responsibility for all failures. no one cares about why you didnt get the job done. Your excuses are only to make yourself feel better about your own failure. make yourself great by succeeding. evaluate the aspects which may have contributed toward the failure, eliminate those aspects, and redirect your energy toward success! You need to change your attitude from Who can i blame? to how do i get this done? once you do this, you will begin to empower yourself and you will become much more successful. This will make you stronger, faster, and better, but only you can do it. Take charge of your own life. begin to create, take responsibility, and live from your own truth. be a leader among your fellow men and women; donate what you learn so others can win too.
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rex S. Gibson succeed with your invention, it would be like rubbing salt into their wounds. of course, that is not your intention, but that is how it would feel to the naysayers. Some of the greatest inventors faced the greatest ridicule. many of the modern conveniences we have today were ideas that people laughed at. inventions and things of great importance came out of throwing out old ideas and traditions. People used to agree that the earth was flat, and when Christopher Columbus first said it was round everyone said he was crazy! Sometimes the ideas that people hold as fundamental truths are the very ideas that are false and holding people back from success. as long as your goal is set and you are passionate about it, let no one detract you from your mission. Listen to yourself and ask, What is the right thing to do for me? Stop listening to people whose only mission is to tell you why you cant achieve what you desire. There are, of course, times when others have valid input, and these fit into the category of constructive criticism. if they are trying to intercede and help you avoid pitfalls and move you closer to success, then listen and consider what they are saying.
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. Eleanor Roosevelt
finally, whether the person is a naysayer or is offering constructive criticism, evaluate the source of the information. many times we take others opinions and make them our own without taking into account the source of that opinion. Poor sources come in the forms of, my 42
The Game of Your Life neighbor said, or the internet said, or my mom always did it this way. You need to learn to analyze the data and not allow bad information or opinions to be your downfall. When a fisherman casts out a net, he will catch fish but he will also bring in all the other junk from the lake. The smart fisherman will sift through the whole bounty, keep the fish, and throw back the junk. The foolish fisherman will keep everything that he drags in, regardless of its worth. Poor decision makers are like foolish fishermenthey cast out a net and bring in all types of random information that may or may not be beneficial in their decision-making process. When you dont separate the fish from the trash, you end up going hungry because youre filling your mind with junk. The smart, successful person is the one who takes the time to pick out all the junk, leaving only the good stuff, and making a decision based on the quality information. With all this being said, you should realize that it is going to take practice to interpret information accurately. To avoid making bad decisions based on poor data, ask yourself the following questions: 1. is the source of the opinion a naysayer, or is he or she offering constructive criticism? 2. What is the source of this opinion and how did this person arrive at this opinion? 3. is your situation the same or different from the persons who is giving the advice? how so? 4. What do you believe to be the Truth? (Decide for yourself !) 43
rex S. Gibson opinions: everyone has them. Surround yourself with people who will offer you constructive criticism that is designed to increase your chances of success. in the end, you are capable of sifting through good and bad data. follow the four steps above and you will be well on your way to becoming a better decision maker.
The Game of Your Life What is your heart telling you? What does your gut say? Write down the situation and all of its possible solutions. Through the process of elimination, cross off any solution that does not help get you closer to your goals. if you are left with two or three options at this point, pick one using your intuition. Decision making is not a democracy: good decisions are not based on a majority vote. We need to start learning to use our own minds. Learn to think for yourselfuse your thoughts, not someone elses. use your gut and make a decision for your own life. The best decisions are always decisions that make you feel good. They fill you with a sense of overall peace. You become excited and energized, and you have an overwhelming feeling of boom get her done! You find yourself saying things, taking actions, and getting results instead of continuing with activities and conversations that will not move you closer to your goal.
When Ive heard all I need to make a decision, I dont take a vote. I make a decision. Ronald Reagan
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rex S. Gibson your mind, you have a body and you have a mind. if you allow me to point something out to you as you read this, you use the word my in front of referencing your mind and your body. We all do. Why? They are possessions. So what are you? You are the third thing, the spiritual being, which does not mean anything else than you are you. So it is inaccurate to say I have a spirit because you are one. This is one of the greatest simplicities of life that was too simple for the complicated sciences to see. much like the law of gravity. apples always fell and no one noticed that there was a fundamental principle at play called gravity. You are a spiritual being. now do not get confused or feel weird, we all are spiritual beings. again, so many other definitions of the word spirit exists that people are confused by the word. Lets keep it simple because it is: it is defined as you, the one who is reading and comprehending this book, not your body or your mind.
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The Game of Your Life it is important to understand that we become fearful when we are threatened with loss, and if we made a mistake in our past, that memory tends to replay in the present. Therefore, when a situation closely resembles a previous painful experience, your past losses can override analytical thought and cause you to react in a manner which may not be appropriate or logical for the situation. We have all seen this happen to others. here are a few examples to clarify: 1. You miss the game winning free throw. The team and fans are disappointed. analytically, you have an 85% free throw average, but your confidence in your ability to come through in the clutch is shaken. next time you are in the same situation, you know that you can make the basket, but the past losses kick in and go to work and prevents you from being the hero. 2. You dated a cheerleader and the relationship did not work out. now, six years later, you will not date an ex-cheerleader, because the previous relationship with a cheerleader did not work out, so this wont either. even though the two cheerleaders are different people, those painful experiences left in your mind identify them as the same and responds the same way to both. 3. You fell and broke your leg while skiing. now you dont ever want to go skiing again because you dont want to get hurt. analytically, you realize that you can safely ski down the mountain, but when you attempt to go skiing, you cannot shake the thought of your broken leg.
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rex S. Gibson The real question is: how do i know if i am being logical and objective or fearful and controlled by my past losses? There are a few questions you can ask yourself in a fearful moment: 1. What emotion am i feeling right now? if it is fear or anger, you are probably not thinking logically or analytically. 2. am i really in danger? if you are exaggerating the potential consequences, then write down two or three real consequences that could result from this situation. See if there is anything significant that could truly harm you. 3. is the current situation similar to a past failure? if so, how? and how is it different? Dissect the current situation and find out why it is different, why you failed previously, and take corrective actions to avoid the previous result. 4. have courage to act on logic. Do what is rational, logical, and analytical.
Truth Is Differentiation
When you hang on to past losses, you will tend to see very few differences in situations. The present situation will seem so similar to the past situation that you will think you are heading for another mistakes causing yet another loss. We CanT haVe ThaT, says the mind, so it overrides your ability to think rationally and see the differences in the current situation and the past situation which created the loss in the first place. When you maintain the ability to see both the similarities and differences in things, you will discover you can trust your judgment and decisions. 50
The Game of Your Life There is always a way to make something succeed, you just might have to put some energy into finding an alternate route. it takes courage not to react to the part of your mind that is telling you You cant, or Youre going to fail, or be careful, you could get hurt. at this point you may be asking yourself, how am i supposed to overcome this dialogue of failure? The above four questions can help in a pinch, but to really correct the part of your mind that inhibits you and all of its harmful effects, you will need help beyond what i can offer in this book. books like The Secret and a new earth have attempted to shed some light on what we are discussing in this chapter, but in order to truly understand the mind and to ensure that you can trust your mental clarity thus decision making, i highly suggest reading Dianetics: modern Science of mental health by L. ron hubbard. This book offers in-depth insight into the mechanics of the mind and how to eliminate the parts that hold you back from a full and meaningful life.
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rex S. Gibson outcome. The goal is the event that, when reached, concludes the game. The goal is the purpose for playing the game. as we go through the 2nd half of the game, lets remember that life has rules, obstacles, and goals, therefore, life iS a game! Can you remember someone telling you as a kid, Life isnt all fun and games? Well, as a kid, it was. as we grow into adulthood, our games get more complicated, but nonetheless, they are still games. as adults, instead of buying houses to put on our monopoly property, we buy real houses on real property worth real money. The game hasnt changed your perspective on the game did. as adults, the real world can seem so serious: the consequences for our actions are more serious, and it doesnt allow enough room to have fun. because of this, we revert to our childhood visions of fun: games. many of us look for outlets to play games. We need fun in our lives, so we join a coed softball team or play poker with some buddies on friday night. if you allow yourself, you can make a game out of anything. Look around, life is full of gamesjust ask any kid. use childlike eyes to recapture the fun of life. Play life like a game. Set goals, play by the rules, overcome obstacles, laugh, win or lose, but for goodness sake have fun! Life is no fun without games, so know the rules, overcome the barriers, and win the game of life.
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The Game of Your Life needs to be playing by the same rules. This keeps the game fair. There also need to be penalties for breaking the rules to keep the game fair and maintain the integrity of the game. every game is slightly different, and you must read the directions to understand the rules thoroughly, but the basics stay the same: dont cheat, dont steal, treat others like you would like to be treated, be worthy of trust, do not murder, set a good example, etc. These are the same rules that most rational people use to guide them through the game of life. although these basic rules are a good set of guidelines to follow, life is full of hundreds, if not thousands, of different sub-games. each subgame presents its own unique set of circumstances and challenges. each sub-game can have rules that are subtle or specific. in order to overcome those challenges, you must know the rules. first, you must seek out the rules. Do not assume you know the rules unless you have already played the same game. ask what the rules are. Write them down if you must, but know them and follow them. Please understand, im not asking you to follow some of the rules and ignore others. im not suggesting that all rules are intelligent, or even based in logic, but they are still the rules. an example is driving 55 mph on two-lane highway. This is an antiquated law, written at a time when fuel was scarce and cars were inefficient and had fewer safety features. That does not change the fact that when the sign says maximum Speed Limit 55 mph, it means you should not drive more than 55 mph on that stretch of highway. We will get into ethics in later chapters, but for now suffice it to say that personal ethics and following the rules is the only way to truly win the game of life. 57
rex S. Gibson
Overcoming Obstacles
now we will discuss the barriers that keep us from reaching our goals. between the beginning of a journey and the final destination, you will need to pass over, around, or through one or more obstacles or barriers. i bring this point up not to be negative, but to enlighten you about the fact that barriers, which can derail your path and lead to failure, loom around every corner. They are just waiting for you to make a mistake or lower your guard. in order to reach your goal, you must remain alert and vigilant, never allowing your attention to be pulled away from your goal. if you see someone who has achieved a high level of success, you are also seeing someone who has overcome many obstacles and adversities in her life. Throughout your journey, you will see some barriers coming, and others will seem to pop up out of nowhere. Whether the obstacle is known or unknown, you will need to navigate the waters to reach your goal. one of the sayings i live by is, Plan for the worst and work toward the best. When you take that attitude, you can be prepared for the unexpected, or at least be able to handle an unexpected situation that arises with confidence and skill. Just like bear Grylls from the show man Versus Wild, the more prepared you are for the unexpected; the easier it will be for you to overcome the barriers that oppose you. each obstacle you come up against offers the opportunity to throw in the towel. That is the job of obstacles: to get you to give up. it is you against the barriers, mano-a-mano. my feelings on this subject run deep. in college, i wanted to get a tattoo, but not just any silly tattoo. i wanted it to have meaning. i wanted it to be something that inspired me when i saw it. in my research, i came 58
The Game of Your Life across a saying written in hieroglyphics. it is translated as, he who desists after attack is the strengthener of the enemys heart. nothing rings more true. neVer GiVe uP, beCauSe if You Do, You GiVe PoWer To Your oPPonenT. This slogan is with me all the time, imbedded in my skin. To this day, i draw power from it and use it daily. Too many people give up on their dreams because the obstacles have overwhelmed them. They set out on a journey with a goal in mind, but as soon as the going gets rough, they pack it in and decide to give up. in order to achieve a high level of success and maintain that level, you must build the proper emotional and mental capacity to perform your absolute best every single day. You must also have the mental fortitude to stay the course and not allow anything to stop you from reaching your goals. in other words, you must be seasoned for success. Success is not for the faint of heart. Success is a learned behavior, achieved through hard work, sweat, andunfortunately sometimestears. The more you succeed, the more you will continue to succeed; success breeds success.
What Is Happiness?
When are people the happiest? When they are winning. happiness is achieved through successthrough overcoming lifes obstacles and barriers while working toward your goals. Part of that formula is overcoming obstacles, fears, and barriers including the unseen obstacles that pop up unexpectedly. as discussed earlier, when you set a goal and move toward it, all manner of obstacles will present themselves. Some of these obstacles are predictable and some are not as obvious. Look at lifes little obstacles like the game Whac a mole. as an obstacle pops its head up, you whack it and wait for the next one. When it shows up, you handle it and wait for the next one. if you play the game of life like 59
rex S. Gibson a game of Whac a mole, you will find that obstacle and barriers become their own sub-game. as you whack each mole, you get one step closer to winning the game.
Give me a stock clerk with a goal and Ill give you a man who will make history. Give me a man with no goals and Ill give you a stock clerk. J. C. Penney
The Game of Your Life its maximum height, there is a moment that the rock stops going up, and at that moment the rock begins to descend. This is no different for humans. We are born, we have no choice but to grow and learn, and at some point when we reach adulthood, we either continue to grow or we begin our descent toward our ultimate demise. expansion is the key to continued happiness, regardless of the circumstances around you. a person does not have to expand and grow like a rocket ship; a person just needs to continue moving forward, even if it is at a slow pace. Progress is progress! remember, happiness comes through the ProCeSS of overcoming lifes challenges while seeking to reach their goals.People can have happiness as long as they have further goals to attain. once a person stops reaching for more, setting goals, and expanding as a person, happiness is a thing of the past. So, if you find yourself unhappy, realize that you must not have a game to play. Set a goal, define the obstacles to overcome, be happy, and grow, grow, grow!
rex S. Gibson ways to accomplish your goals. i get all of this energy and information from other motivational speakers. one of the biggest turning points in my life was when i finally decided it was okay for me to be busy. i decided that, not only was it okay, but it was a really good thing, and it made me happy. once i stopped listening to people who wanted me to slow down and take a break and allowed myself to be busy, i started accomplishing so much more and, as a result, became happier and more satisfied with my life.
Happiness is a matter of ones most ordinary and everyday mode of consciousness being busy and lively and unconcerned with self. Iris Murdoch
Do more, take on more, and continue to move toward your goals. i have no desire to retire at fiftynot even at sixty. i am not sure i will ever stop. i might play a different game, but i will never stop trying to achieve more and do as much as possible. The day you stop striving to reach that next level is the day you die. no truly successful people stop working. They continue setting new goals, strategizing ways to reach those goals, and working relentlessly to achieve those ends. They continue not because they have to, but because it makes them feel good. it gives them a sense of satisfaction and contentment. The drug of powerful people is goal attainment.
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goals.
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Sydney Smith
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No person is an island. No person can exsist or succeed alone. Winning At Games In Life
Quite simply the best decisions we all can make in life would consider the broadest parts of life or the greatest benefit to the greatest number of people and things. We will call this the GreaTer GooD for short. This is how you create the best of all possible scenarios. We do not live in a perfect world where the perfect choice is available to us. a perfect choice would be one that benefits all things and people involved. here we have a question of percentages. What is the highest percentage of benefit to the most things the decision or activity touchs. Thus as we roll along through our life, we can commit to making our decisions along the line of the greater good. Those decisions would be respected by the most number of people and would prove out in time to be milestones toward our success. as discussed in the previous section, the best solution must incorporate the greatest good for the greatest number of people and things involved or influenced by your decision. a solution or decision can only be made based on information that is known at the time of the decision. This is why i suggest collecting as much information as possible regarding a particular situation before rendering a decision or selecting a path of action. 64
The Game of Your Life new information comes to light every day. With new information, you will invariably find that some of your best decisions were wrong. This tends to make you feel like you made mistakes. This is the wrong way to look at it. There may be new information today that you were not privy to when you made the decision, but that does not invalidate the previous decision. it simply means you need to create a new best solution and make the appropriate corrections. Cest la viethats life. Lifes path, like a car going down the road, will require many corrections. Live today and make the best decisions based on all of todays data.
rule: benefit the most and harm the Least! best Solution is based on all the information available at That Time
rex S. Gibson if the decision does not require immediate action, wait 24 hours to review the information and ensure that your initial decision is the correct choice for you. You will find that when the emotion dissipates, you can maintain your composure and use your reasoning mind to create the best solution. The more you train yourself to look for the truth in a situation, and give yourself time to process the information, the more high quality decisions you will make. The more this becomes a habit, the fewer regrets you will have. although being decisive and making snap decisions is a desirable quality for successful people, rash decisions never created a winner.
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rex S. Gibson The bigger the goal, the bigger the obstacles, and the bigger the reward; the main thing you have to focus on when you are moving forward through these obstacles is your why. Your why is the core reason or purpose that you have for reaching that goal. When you set a goal, ask yourself why you want to reach it. Keep asking why until your answer gives you goose bumps. When this happens, you have discovered your true why. for example, you may have a goal to earn a certain amount of money every month. Lets say your goal is to earn $20k on a monthly basis. now, ask yourself why you want to earn that amount of money. Why do you want to earn $20k monthly? Possibly because this will give you the house and the lifestyle you desire. Why do you want to have that particular lifestyle? hmm, good question. You may want the house because of the large rooms and the open space. Well, why do you want the big rooms and the open space? Do you see my point here? You must keep asking yourself why you want to reach your particular goal. as you do this, your final answer will describe how reaching your goal will give you some type of feeling. emotion is the fundamental impulse of the universe, and it motivates our every action. The more you are in touch with your why, the more emotionally attached you will be to your goal. i cannot stress enough how critical it is for you to define what you want. You must have a definite purpose and a definite plan for the attainment of that purpose. if your goal relates to business, how many people will it take to make your company as big as you want it to grow? Continue to ask yourself questions to gain more clarity. 68
All religions, arts, and sciences are branches of the same tree. All these aspirations are directed toward ennobling mans life, lifting it from the sphere of mere physical existence, and leading the individual toward freedom. Albert Einstein
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rex S. Gibson evidence to prove it. Conviction of your own beliefs or actualities is what separates leaders from followers. how did einstein come up with the theory of relativity? Did he agree with others? no. he used his own mind, followed what he knew to be true, and created his own actuality. Then his actuality was tested, continued to hold true, and it became reality for others. What is truth? Truth is only truth if you believe it to be true. in other words, something is true only if you find it to be true. The color red to someone else will never be the same as the color red you see through your own eyes. have you ever heard a rumor about someone that you knew was untrue? This rumor could be widespread, but nevertheless, is false, no matter how many people spread the lie. Seek to know and live with the truth. many times in life we are frightened because something is unknown to us; however, if you train yourself to see the truth in situations, it will take the fear out of life. for example, if you were to walk through a haunted house for the first time, when the ghosts, goblins, or demons jump out at you, it is scary. When you walk through the second time, however, you are expecting those things and you are ready for them, so it is no longer scary. You must analyze the information and make the best decision with the information you have at the time. This includes any information from past experiences. When you find your own truth and filter the lies from the data, you learn to disregard all the junk. You learn to see a situation for what it truly is. Your vision starts to become clear and things become less scary in your life. The more you continue to work on this and keep focused, the more 72
The Game of Your Life it becomes a fixed habit in your life. This takes practice and dedication, but it can help you advance your life to a higher and richer level. The more defined your truth becomes and the more it is incorporated with integrity, ethics, and your morals, the stronger you become and the less intimidating life will be. fear blinds truth. People look away from things they fear, so any situation that contains fear must be viewed and evaluated for the actuality in it. a dark alley can be a scary place, but once that alley is flooded with light, it no longer has the same effect. if you do not face your fears and illuminate them with truth, you will be doomed to repeat history and be haunted by past failures. im not saying that looking at your fears is easy, just that it is necessary. The hardest part about facing your fears is finding the truth. The truth is not always pretty, but it is true. once you have faced fear and seen truth with conviction and courage, you will find yourself swelling with power you never thought you had. it is this power that magnifies your chances of expanding and achieving all of your goals.
Fear cant hold a candle to unswerving faith, much less muster up the guts to even attempt to blow it out. B. G. Jett
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rex S. Gibson affected by what life hands him. if a person chooses to create things and make things happen, then that person is choosing to be an author of their lifes events. he/she is literally writing the script to life. in order to be an auThor of Life, an individual must shun the idea of luck and believe adamantly that all things can be accomplished if one puts forth the correct effort in the desired direction. a person who chooses to be the effect of things around them, clings to the belief that he or she is not in control of destiny and, regardless of hard work will never truly reach his or her goals.
The Game of Your Life person telling the story likely left out the endless rejections and broken deals that came before being discovered. That actor or singer was not luckyhe or she had a goal, continued to intend that the goal would be reached, and was rewarded with being discovered.
Ive found that luck is quite predictable. If you want more luck, take more chances. Be more active. Show up more often. Brian Tracy
You may have heard that life isnt fairwell, its not. We are not all created equal. Some people have attributes that give them advantages over other people. in order to offset these so called disadvantages, you need to create your own circumstances for success. nothing happens by luck alone; we must be active players in making what we want happen. even the person who wins the lottery bought a lottery ticket. So where do we fit in on this spectrum of luck vs. PoSiTiVe DeCiSion? Do we cause it, or do we just get lucky? if you want to be luckier, then you ought to decide that more things will happen to increase your chances of getting lucky.
rex S. Gibson The more you think about your goals, the more momentum you create, which propels you toward your end destination or goal. by looking through the classifieds, you are much more likely to find a job than if you just cross your fingers and rub your rabbits foot, hoping luck will bring you a great new job.
It appears that the universe we live in, likes the decisive individual who shows commitment to the decision through follow up action.
The Game of Your Life throwing a frisbee with his buddies on the beach, showing off his toned physique. You have to personalize your mental picturemake it your own. The most important aspect of PoSiTiVe DeCiSion is repetition. You cant just think about what you want once and be done with it. Do it over and over and over again, day in and day out. Picture your goal as often as you can. The more you visualize what you want, the closer you will move to that picture. The more the image is present, the more real it becomes. You literally think it into existence.
rex S. Gibson slap shot. in that split second, he decides the outcome. he has already decided that he will lose. he has already decided on the excuse that he will use when his team loses. This way of thinking makes the man a victim to the circustances, not the author of the situation he wants to have happen. he is allowing circumstances to dictate his future instead of being the master of his own fate. alternatively, he can choose to have the attitude that no one can score on me. i am the best goalie in the world! This is being a master of fate. being an author of life is all about responsibility. Your level of control is in direct proportion to the level of responsibility you take for life. many people dont understand that concept. They think everything is somebody elses fault and do not take responsibility for the situations in their own lives. This is not to say that bad things never happen. unfortunate events happen all the time, but the things that happen are not as important as how the individual reacts to those events. What you do and how you think following a setback is crucial to whether or not you will be the cause over your life circumstances. if you lose your job, will you sit and wallow and blame someone else for firing you? or will you choose to hold your head high and find a great new job? in the world today, many people are falling into the trap of being an innocent bystander to their own affairs, blaming their situation on the economy, a bad boss, or the ever-popular bad luck. in reality there are many people who are keeping their jobs, maintaining great marriages, and experiencing great success. it is these people who continue to be the author in their lives, no matter what their environment throws at them.
rex S. Gibson for every american, and he made it reality. in the process, ford also invented the assembly line, a process nearly every factory utilizes today. he found a better way to do things. he was lucky, as we say, but his success was entirely under his control. he tackled the problem head on; he did not become an effect of it, but rather, solved it. he made it happen. in high school, someone once said i was the luckiest guy he knew. This perplexed me, because i didnt come from a wealthy family and i wasnt particularly smart. i just worked hard, surrounded myself with good people, and worked toward my dreams. What my friend didnt realize was it wasnt luck that brought me the great things i hadi brought them to myself. i used the resources i had to create the things i wanted. i wasnt unique or lucky; i simply positioned myself to increase my chances of success. it is the same for the success stories we hear about people who come from situations like extreme poverty and rise to become business executives. They in turn raise their kids to become successful, and the cycle continues. Those people did not get where they are because of luck; they just kept pushing themselves closer and closer to their goals and never gave up on them.
The Game of Your Life are. few people blossom or succeed highly in socialist societies. They dont thrive. Socialist societies have fallen. russia, all the eastern block countries, eventually failed because they did not have the desire to move forward and do more. Without the opportunity to further themselves, people lose the willingness to do much of anything. it is like running in a hamster wheel: people may run for a little while, but once they realize theyre staying in the same place, theyll stop moving.
Shallow men believe in luck; wise and strong men in cause and effect. Ralph Waldo Emerson
rex S. Gibson Step 1: Responsibility. Take full responsibility for all situations in life. never place blame at anyone or anything elses doorstep. Step 2: Positive Decision. Create your future by seeing it in bright, vivid mental pictures. Step 3: Massive Action. Get moving. Work with relentless effort toward your goals. The future will not wait for you to get off the couch. it is coming. You had better be prepared for its arrival. Take big game hunting as a sport. Taking responsibility puts me in the hunters position: the creator of things to come. When the animal is in my sights and i take aim, i am already postulating the animal going down. Then as i take action and pull the trigger, i make my goal become reality. if i miss the animal i am aiming at, i could blame it on the environment and say the wind caused by bullet to stray off course, but that would put me in a victims position, and in hunting, that is a very dangerous place to be. anytime i hear someone blame their lack of success on someone or something else, i know right away they are being an effect and are not taking responsibility for the situation. full responsibility no matter what happens is not a position that most people want to takeit is actually a very difficult position to assume, but it is an absolute necessity if you are going to make anything happen. is not a position that most people takeit is actually a very difficult position to assume, but it is an absolute necessity if you are going to make anything happen.
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rex S. Gibson There is a huge difference between leaders and followers. Success, leadership, and power are desired by the masses, yet understood by only a select few. not everyone can be a leader. it is up to you to decide which lifestyle is in harmony with your life and goals. The people who pick up books like this, read them, then apply the lessons into their daily lives and are willing to learn new principles in life are the leaders of this world.
The Game of Your Life if you make it a habit to look for peoples bad intentions, you are barking up the wrong tree. People are generally good. Sure, there are some bad apples, but for the most part people have good intentions. We all make mistakes along the way, but when you realize people generally have good intentions; you can look past a lot of petty issues and spend less time being aggravated by others. The only person in control of your actions is you. When you surrender control over your emotions to another person or circumstance, you have surrendered your leadership. a great example of tolerance, calmness, and understanding occurred when my son and i were at the local supermarket picking up some food. i am losing my hair, and my son pointed out a guy who was bald and blurted out, as kids sometimes do, hey Daddy, he is losing his hair too, and he has none left! The individual my son was speaking of could have gotten really upset because it was a slightly embarrassing situation for him, but he took his experience and realized my son meant no harm, and he didnt get upset at all. i admire people who embrace this way of life.
Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. Helen Keller
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rex S. Gibson Confidence can be defined as knowing that you have the required skills and abilities to complete a certain task successfully. for example, a professional surfer will have no problem jumping into the ocean waters and catching a huge wave. he knows that he has the required skills to make it from point a to point b without drowning in the process. Courage can be defined as taking a leap of faith in the face of uncertainty and attempting a task without any certainty as to its outcome. Saying, i love you for the first time to a romantic interest is something that takes an enormous amount of courage. There is no guarantee that you will hear the answer you expect, no matter how many times you may have been in the same situation in the past. Confidence is a state of being, while courage may come in surges when we need it the most. a courageous person may run into a burning building to save a child, but under regular circumstances, the same person would never attempt such a dangerous feat. on the other hand, a confident person may still engage in the same risky behavior, but with the knowledge that he or she has the skills to come out on top. a firefighter has the skills to run into a burning building to save a child, and he knows that he possesses the skills not only to save the child, but to get himself out safely as well. instead of viewing his behavior as a gamble, he has the confidence to dive into every situation with the knowledge that he has the skills to succeed. in daily life, we rarely need adrenalin based courage to fulfill our duties and obligations, but we do need confidence. Lets look at the concept of confidence in further detail. Confidence stems directly from competence. Competence is formulated from three ingredients: education, Decision, and reponsibility. first and foremost 90
The Game of Your Life you must educate yourself on or about a subject. Lets take a chainsaw, for example. This can be an extremely dangerous tool without all the three ingredients to competence. if you dont know how to start and stop it and how it reacts in different situations while using it, or what to wear for safety, operating a chainsaw could be an extremely dangerous undertaking. You must educate yourself about the tool, to know you are in control of it and safe from itss danger. You must Decide that you are of stature and strength to be able to control the chainsaw, otherwise you could get injured. and finally, you must take responsibility for the tool, which is to say that whatever happens while you are operating it is your action. This closes the door on become a victim the saw, the tree, the circumstances you are in. if you have all three elements, you will be able to use a chainsaw competently, and as you use the chainsaw over and over again with competence, you will obtain confidence in your ability to safely operate the tool. When you are faced with not knowing how to do something, isolate what you dont know and correct it! Without competence, there is no confidence!
Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom. Mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power. Unknown
You must have all three elements to be competent and confident. if you are lacking confidence in any task, one or more of the three ingredients 91
rex S. Gibson to competence will be absent or misunderstood. When you are faced with not knowing how to do something, find which element is absent or misunderstood and correct it! When you know you have all three elements, you will gain confidence that you can complete the task or project with competence. Without competence, there is no confidence!
Simple Steps to Having the Courage to Fix Your Faults and Become More Confident
1. Admit when you need to improve on something. only big people can admit to and acknowledge their own faults. 2. Choose to change your faults. make a point to change your faults, or simply choose to gain more knowledge of a particular subject so you can have more confidence when dealing with that aspect of your life. 92
The Game of Your Life 3. Listen, learn, and absorb. The most successful people that ive ever met are good listeners. They absorb everything, since you never know when information may come in handy, and they learn from every experience to prevent repeating past failures. 4. Examine which ingredient is missing from the competence formula. Look at your failures without rose-colored glasses and figure out why you failed. Did you not have enough knowledge, and therefore act blindly without fully understanding the situation? Did you not have enough personal control over the situation, and allow other elements to influence the situation? Did you fail to assume the proper amount of responsibility, and therefore blame someone else for the failure? find the missing link, correct it, and try again. 5. Be sure to check your sources. Knowledge is powerful, but you must make sure it comes from accurate and reputable sources so you can have the correct information to make the most informed choice possible. hearsay is seldom accurate. We have all learned about stock tips given by other people. They are not trustworthy. it is the proverbial, my neighbor said. that often leads to a path of bad decisions. Your friends and neighbors intention can be good when offering advice or information, but their ability regarding verifying information can be faulty. This is not a question of trusting them as people, it is a question of their care and skill at sifting out facts. We have all passed along information without verifying the validity of the information in an effort to help. The bottom line is, you have to build your house on a solid foundation. it is your responsibility to ensure you have your facts correct that you base your decisions on.
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rex S. Gibson a common mistake can also be information from an unreliable source. for example, if you need help with your finances, do not ask your neighbor who is just as broke as you are. This is like asking your friend the mechanic to fix a broken pipe that is flooding your house. make sure you are getting your information from a valid and competent source. Do they know what they are talking about? Do they have the kind of results you want? Where are they getting their information? These are all very important questions that need to be asked, otherwise you will only ever reach the level of knowledge that these people have. if you approached every area of your life this way, you would experience staggering success. The most successful people i know found the missing pieces to their problem or situation, learned what they needed to know, and then made the appropriate corrections to create success. This sounds like a simple thing to do, and it is, but it is not easy, and it will take a large amount of courage. The successful in life have the courage to know what they did not know or had the courage to face their shortcomings, and correct that before they acted. and thus their success was no accident.
The Game of Your Life purpose rather than fear. The stronger the purpose for any given path, the more the necessity for action, and the greater the action required for you to muster courage to complete the task.
Have the courage to say no. Have the courage to face the truth. Do the right thing because it is right. These are the magic keys to living your life with integrity. W. Clement Stone
There is no reward without risk. it takes courage to takes risks, and if you set lofty goals, it will take courage to rise to the occasion, raise your necessity level, and reach your goals. The point is: set lofty goals. The higher your necessity level is, and the more you must reach your goals, the less courage you will need to start a new task or embark on new goals.
Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all. Dale Carnegie
Look at how the united States put a man on the moon in four years. how many people had to hold that dream in their minds and unwaveringly 95
rex S. Gibson move forward through the required steps for four straight years until completion? naSa had to design and build a spaceship, then figure out how they were going to get several men into that spaceship and onto the moon using a computer system that had less power than todays cell phones. Getting a man on the moon is the result of strength of passion, determination, purpose, and courage. Dont tell me that there is a problem out there that does not have a solution: it is a matter of your resolve to find the solution. Put an unwavering effort into finding the solution and implement it! Do you know how many people told naSa that it could not be done in four years, that it would never happen, or they were crazy for even trying? im sure that the people at naSa had moments where they thought, maybe theyre rightit cant be done, but their purpose was strong enough to keep them moving forward until they achieved success! The only thing standing between you and the life of your dreams is an absolute, unwavering decision to act with courage and complete the goal no matter what.
Intention
intention is defined as the will to do. Lets take this concept just a step further. When i say intention, i mean what you truly mean to have happen. This idea works hand in hand with positive decisions. if you intend to have something happen, you are creating what you want. by placing intention into your actions, you create a sense of drive to the goal. it is the bullet shot straight at the target. i want to share a story about intention. i live on a small ranch with my wife and kids. We enjoy 96
The Game of Your Life the farm life and all that goes along with it. one year, i got 120 baby chickens to boost my egg production. i got them home and situated in a large horse watering trough with food, bedding, heat lamps and a watering container. i stood back and admired my brood. i then went inside to make lunch for myself and my two boys. about an hour later, i went to check on the day old baby chicks. as i stood over their tank, something told me to lift up the watering container. To my horror, a baby chick lay squashed under the two gallon watering container. as careful as i had been to ensure this didnt happen, one chick managed not to get out of the way in time. i picked up its cold, lifeless body. i felt terrible that i was responsible for the death of an innocent baby chick. at first, i considered simply disposing of the chick, thinking, thats life on the farm. at that moment, i had an overwhelming feeling. i was not going to let this little chick die. as i held this lifeless creature, something came over me and i placed my lips on its tiny beak and gave a few puffs. Yes, i gave a baby chick mouth to mouth. i kept doing this for five minutes. To my surprise, she started breathing, at first very shallow breaths, and over the next 20 minutes, she opened her eyes and was able to stand on her own. Within an hour, it was like nothing had happened. She had been stuck under a 10 pound watering can for an hour. it would be like having a car crushing your chest. i decided to name her molly brown, as in the unsinkable molly 97
rex S. Gibson brown. To this day, i can still pick molly out of the brood. i tell this story so you can understand the power of intention. it is the concept of making things happen at all costs. The mantra, failure is not an option, is perfect for this situation. it takes a strong purpose and a lot of courage to overcome the adversity that life hands us. Go forward and breathe life back into your Game.
Courage to Change
Courage: why do some people have it while others dont? i am not talking about courage in the form of heroism. The courage i am talking about is the courage to pursue your passion or purpose in the face of others who might judge you harshly. i am speaking of the type of courage it takes to maintain the dedication to follow the steps and make things happen. i am also talking about the courage to change. i am talking about having the courage to have a high level of personal integrity. only with personal integrity can you be fully responsible for mistakes, able to correct and solve outpoints, and move on with life. unsuccessful people blame others and find fault in everyone but themselves. unsuccessful people have their fingers pointed in every direction but toward themselves. This is the greatest act of cowardice.
The Game of Your Life a no man and vows to answer, Yes! to every opportunity, request, or invitation that presents itself. from that point on, Carl says Yes! to all sorts of opportunities, and his life begins to turn around. he meets a new girlfriend, begins learning new languages, and starts flying lessons. his previous dull, sad life begins soaring for the stars. i am not saying that you should say Yes! to everything, but the point is that we need to open our minds to new opportunities. You never know what joy and fulfillment will be found when you say Yes! to life.
rex S. Gibson 4. The first step. remember, the most courageous step is the first step. Set lofty goals, raise your necessity level, and take the first step to achievement. 5. Carry out all tasks with integrity. in the process of achieving your goals, make sure that the actions you take have a positive impact on others, and that any harmful effects are minimal. 6. Always look for alternatives. being courageous and foolhardy are two very different concepts. Take risks, but make sure they are worth it. if the risk is not worth the end result, look for an alternative way to reach your goal. 7. Dont give up. far too many people have the tendency to give up too early. all great inventions and achievements in history were attained by people who were persistent in their belief that their dreams would eventually become reality. as they say, necessity is the mother of invention. 8. Act with INTENTION. Create what you want by intending things to happen. breathe life back into your purpose and make your dreams come true. 9. Create momentum and finish what you start. When i was in college, i went out and canvassed for a political movement for renewable wind and solar power. i did my homework and knew everything i could about renewable energy, but i was still nervous my first day out. The more i talked to people, and the more donations i received, the more confident i got. This built momentum, which helped me through the entire summer until school started up again.
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Success means having the courage, the determination, and the will to become the person you believe you were meant to be. George Sheehan
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rex S. Gibson to my life? The answer to that question is: you gave it to someone else a long time ago. You are only on this blue planet for about eighty-five years, which is really not that long. You dont have as much time as you think to create the life you want to create. if youre not creating and achieving goals, then someone else is going to take charge and choose how you live your life. You will end up becoming someone you dont know and looking back on your life saying, i wish i would have.
Goals Defined
Since so many of us go through life not setting goals, you might be wondering what a goal is. a goal is defined as something toward which effort or movement is directed, an end or objective. a goal is what drives your life. if you are navigating life without a goal, your life is stagnant, boring, and devoid of spice. Without goals, one wanders aimlessly through life. a goal is something you have determined has value for yourself and others and you can own as yours. it is something you would like to achieve. This set direction is not an unknown; it is a clearly stated objective you are aiming for. This could be a long term goal or a short term project. many times short term goals are set to help you reach the long term goal. having a goal in your life is like having a lighthouse on the horizon: it helps to steer you in the right direction. even when we get off course, the lighthouse helps to redirect us to the end result.
The Game of Your Life to risk. The only difference between small goals and large goals is the amount of time one is willing to plan with. Some people set low goals, or no goals. Why? it goes back to the basics: they are afraid to fail or they have certain moving variables in their life that they cannot predict. it is best to set goals within the framework of what is real for you at the time you set the goals. Then, as you build more confidence, increase the size of your goals. Goals must be achievable or, otherwise you will give yourself losses. example: a man has a goal of a national restaurant chain. he is overwhelmed by the scope of the goal. There are too many things he does not know to play that size of game. he can however, with his restaurant easily conceive of having the first prototype restaurant in his own city and he can find the resources (moral support, financing, employees, equipment, etc.) easily and is confident that he can. This is wise goal selection. People who are unwilling to accept risk usually live very small and simple lives. When you want to become bigger, you must think bigger and be willing to take bigger risks, but they are proportionate risks not excessive risks. an excessive risk is one where the potential loss is so great that it threatens you ability to continue to operate in a sane and desirable manner. it is a risk that would move you so far backward in the game of life, that you are unwilling to go there. a proportionate risk would be based on an assessment of where you would stand if you did have a loss, as well as your ability to live with that loss. no one likes to fail, so the nice thing about goals is that you get to set the pace. You can set smaller goals, which can lead to bigger goalsthese are called target goals, but well get to that later. Goal setting is not as complicated as most people think. it is as simple as three little questions: 105
rex S. Gibson 1. What is the purpose of this goal? 2. Why do i want to attain it? 3. What is the ratio of risk to reward in this goal, and am i comfortable with the level of risk in attaining this goal? This last question is the most important of the three because it determines how much you are willing to risk. every person is willing to assume a different level of risk to reach his or her goals. Some are willing to risk it all and jump right in with both feet, while others like to set smaller goals with less risk and slowly move toward their destination. are you a gambler? Do you want success quickly? if you do, you must be willing to take some very large risks where you could lose big, potentially everything. You also have to ask yourself: if you fail, what is the worst that can happen? by asking this question, it puts the goal in perspective: risk to reward. most peoples biggest concern is money because they link success and survival with having lots of money. i urge you to remember that money buys a great many important things in life, but it cannot and will not buy you happiness, so i want to urge you not to let a green piece of paper get in the way of you and your dreams.
Warren buffet is one of the wealthiest men in the world, and he accomplished this by taking small steps with stocks, in which he would invest, let it double, and then reinvest. To him, this strategy carried less risk. it might have taken him longer to achieve his goal, but he was comfortable with the level of risk involved. Donald Trump, on the other hand, invested in real estate to amass his fortune, and real estate holds a higher risk due to the variation and unpredictability of the market. 106
The Game of Your Life Donald Trump, however, was willing to live with this level of risk to reach his goal. only an individual knows how well they believe they will be able to control the variables in a situation in order to diminish risk. only the individual knows what they know. Therefore, risk is individualit is unique to the individual as a snowflake. it is not for one to judge another. it is simply up to each person to decide. The greater the knowledge, the less the risk is. for an expert skier to go down a very steep mountain is little risk, as compared to a novice who invites a high probability of injury. So risk is really a measurement of how much you know.
I believe that anyone can conquer fear by doing the things he fears to do, provided he keeps doing them until he gets a record of successful experience behind him. Eleanor Roosevelt
rex S. Gibson 2. Poor control of the situation and allowing outside influences to create failure. 3. false data: receiving bad information which leads to poor decisions. from every experience, whether i have success or failure, i learned a great deal that i would not otherwise have learned. i worked with a developer once who said, if things go badly and you can walk away with a limp instead of losing the leg, you are doing pretty well. Success can come only in the face of failure.
Targets: How to Break Down Large Goals into Bite Sized Pieces
Life is meant to be a game, and games are meant to be fun, but when you play a very long game, it is easy to lose sight of your goals. Sometimes the goals are so far off, they seem to be out of reach. how can you maintain your focus? how do you keep the final goal in sight when it seems so far off? how do you make your goal real on a daily basis? The answer: doable steps. and that means steps that can be done on a daily or weekly basis that give you the position to say, i did something to move closer to the goal this week. once you have the final goal set, establish short term doable steps which act as baby steps toward reaching the larger goal. a good example is a football game. The ultimate goal is to score a touchdown, but in order for your team to score, you must reach a first down, then another. The first downs are doable steps on the way to reaching the ultimate goal of scoring a touchdown. another good 108
The Game of Your Life example is golf. a round of golf is made up of 18 holes, and each hole is made up of three to five separate strokes played from tee to green. in both games we see doable steps that help people reach their final goals. as you work toward your goals in life, your short term goals might need to change. ideally, a master goal is set with all targets outlined before you even start. unfortunately, life tends to throw us curve balls, so the smart goal achiever will reassess the next doable step after each doable step is completed. This technique ensures a smooth and seamless transition from one step to the next with no effort wasted on backtracking and redirecting.
rex S. Gibson track you are on and where you might need to make some adjustments to stay the course. i also encourage you to show these written goals to people who will support you. This will establish your level of commitment as well. When you have people who are aware of your goal and where you are going, they are more likely to be willing to help you achieve your goals. They can also act as accountability partners. Someone who knows your direction can help you stay on course. When you write your goal down and set the date you want to achieve your goal, you are more likely to achieve that goal. remember, that which goes unaccounted for does not get done.
The Game of Your Life goal. There is no reason to set low standards or low expectations, so start with your utopia and set your goals using your idea of perfection. While you are working on creating your ideal , you must also be revisiting your purpose. it is the why or reason you want to achieve the goal. as we have stated before, your purpose is the most important aspect of this process. no goal will be reached with a weak purpose.
Strong Purpose = strong fortitude and relentless pursuit Weak Purpose = low fortitude and failure
beneath the penthouse are other levels, each of which is supported by the one directly below it. So, if goals and purpose are at the top, what is the foundation which supports them? The answer lies in any game rules, guidelines, and steps (doable steps) that lead to victory. for every goal you have, you should delineate the rules of which you will follow. You must describe the guidelines that need to be met. You must formulate a plan and finally, you must write down easy to follow, doable steps that can be achieved in an orderly fashion. The more structure you give to your goal attainment, the greater your chances of success. The structure will give you the recipe for success, carried out by you, and enforced by you. example: Goal: lose 50 pounds Purpose: to increase my health and longevity 1. Guidelines and Rules: do not eat out at restaurants 2. Plans: I plan to lose 3 pounds per week 111
rex S. Gibson 3. Doable steps: Buy and read a diet book that you plan to follow. obviously there could be many more rules, and guidelines, and there will likely be multiple step by doable step procedures that ultimately lead you to success. This process should be repeated for every major aspect of your life, so that you have a well planned life. Take it one step at a time, but make sure you establish goals, purpose, Guidelines / rules, plans and doable steps for every area of your life. once you have defined what you want and what it will look like, you can start taking actions to make your vision a reality. You must have a solid vision and strong personal ethics as well as policies, plans, and projects in place to make your dreams a reality. Dont forget to make sure that you keep your written goals, purposes, guidelines/rules, plans, and doable steps in a place that is highly visible to you every day. The road to goal achievement is riddled with potholes and obstacles which can keep you from reaching your destination. Just like in marketing, top mind awareness is the key to success.
I dont care how much power, brilliance, or energy you have; if you dont harness it, focus it on a specific target, and hold it there, youre never going to accomplish as much as your ability warrants. Zig Ziglar
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as you can see from the diagram above, the starting point of every invention, business, or enterprise is the goal. When you set the goal, you literally create a real thing from pure thought. You build the vision and commit to the goal. 113
rex S. Gibson as you entertain this new vision, it will cause you to feel a certain way. This thought process sets up an emotional tone within you that will begin to attract everything you need for the fulfillment of the idea. as you hold the vision, stimulating positive emotion and attraction, this will cause you to take action. You will begin to do the things you must do in order to achieve the goal. When you see this cycle through your thoughts, feelings, and actions, you will produce the desired results. When you realize the goal, or manifest the intended results, you have arrived where you began: setting a new goal. now you are in a position to build bigger ideas and establish better goals. Thus, the cycle starts all over again. The cycle is the same, but you are now a different person. Through the goal achieving process, you have become a better version of yourself. You have elevated your awareness and can see the world through a heightened sense of being. in this way, your visions, purposes, and goals will be more profitable and meaningful. This flow continues to grow if you continue to flow with it. much like a rotating wheel, it will continue to rotate if uninterrupted. as you continue this process, and as the goals get bigger, you will experience a high that will motivate you to the next goal. You create self satisfaction because you are winning the game by attaining new heights. This winning, or goal attainment, builds massive momentum. use this momentum, and as you achieve the first goal, achieving the next one becomes simpler, and you start to get in the zone of goal achievement. This zone will help you achieve goals that you might never have dreamed possible. 114
The Game of Your Life The biggest mistake people make is to reach a goal, then take a long break and let the momentum they have created dissipate. There is a law of nature: energy does not disappear, it is simply transformed into different forms. an example would be an electrical plug. if you plug in a lamp, the energy that comes out of the socket runs through the cord and is transformed into light. The energy built from accomplishing your goal must be transferred somewhere. if it is not transferred to a useful form, then it will transform into an unusable state. There is an energy explosion that happens when you can say, i did it! Something must be done with that energy. Start developing the habit of sparking it into the next goal to create bigger goals. This process is about choices and creation. use that energy as a springboard to another goal. Life is a game, so lets play it and play it hard!
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rex S. Gibson Some games are played alone; others require a group working together toward a common goal. This is where a persons human magnetism is important. Great coaches, inspirational speakers, and leaders possess this energy. The reason we follow certain people and do not follow others has to do with a persons human magnetism. a person with strong purpose and high energy creates an almost magnetic point of attraction. it is seemingly impossible to resist joining in and helping that person achieve her goals. The greater your purpose, the more people you will attract to join your cause and support your purpose. When you have a strong driving force, it makes it easier to wake up in the morning and work toward your goals.
The Game of Your Life missing the spark of life. They were not happy or productive, which led to the demise of the entire country. When you allow others to dictate your life, forfeiting your rights as a human being and an individual, you allow the world to take control and decide who you should be. Think for yourself. Plan and make goals for yourself. Without this, life cannot be fulfilling or meaningful. if you relinquish your own self determined life path, you have no identity, and you just become someone elses minion. be proud, stand tall, and make decisions for yourself. Self determined goals are the mother of invention, philosophy, and free nations. Where people are allowed to think for themselves, strive for success, and produce in abundance without penalty, you will find happy people. You can establish the overall level of happiness of a country or society purely by increasing freedom of thought and action. Sometimes the truth is hard to look at, but you are at an intersection in your life. You need to have a conversation with yourself and find out what needs to happen to make you feel alive and be happy. be as creative as you can and start taking action and setting goals. Goals are necessary to have a meaningful existence, so set some goals that will keep you stretching and growing into your very best!
rex S. Gibson you truly desire, what you want out of life, then set the goal and take action steps. Since your goals will be different from someone elses goals, someone else might be uncomfortable with the new direction you are taking, but you need to check within yourself. if you feel you are going in a direction that will move you closer to the life of your dreams, dont take a vote, just take action. i am not telling you to leave a path of destruction in your wake by making decisions that are self serving and ignorant, but the bottom line is that you are the only one that can make you happy. how many people grow up and become something only to reach the end of their lives and wish they had done it differently? have the courage to find your own path. People so often dont follow their own path because they are afraid of what others will think or dont want to upset the people in their life. if you dont make self determined goals to move yourself forward, you hurt yourself and, eventually, everyone around you. by not choosing your path, you elect to give up your ability to find your own life, and that can only lead to one thing: a miserable and lonely existence trapped by others wishes and desires.
What man actually needs is not a tensionless state, but rather the striving and struggling for some goal worthy of him. What he needs is not the discharge of tension at any cost, but the call of a potential meaning waiting to be fulfilled by him. Victor Frankl
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The Game of Your Life maybe you believe that you cant change without upsetting everyone close to you. There is no way to make everyone happy, but there is always a way to accomplish any goal. The point is not to make everyone happy; it is to become a unique spiritual being, to create yourself and follow your own path. Truth and honesty are your best allies. if you think you are going to upset a loved one or friend, simply tell them the truth. Dont justify your actions or make excuses; simply let them know what your plans, purposes, and intentions are, and how they might be able to help you reach them. it is always better to involve your friends and loved ones in your goals. remember, goals are easier to reach if you have assistance from others, and those closest to you can be your best allies on your path to success. Stay true to yourself, follow your own voice, and remain persistent, and soon you will find yourself winning the game of life.
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I am long on ideas, but short on time. I expect to live only about a hundred years. Thomas A. Edison
i have an incredibly busy schedule, but because i create my own time, everything that needs to be done gets completed on schedule. between taking care of my three kids, running my business, investing in commercial real estate, writing a book, playing an active role in my church, relaxing and reading, and managing my 20 acre farm, you would think i would be stressed out and overwhelmed, but im not. This is because i am master of the time i create. how do i do this? Well, i carefully plan out my day and surround myself with people who are extremely efficient and well organized. by doing this, i create time and am able to accomplish 10 times the work of most people in a single day.
The Game of Your Life flip on the TV, or any other nonsense. instead, sit down and write the entire speech. focus instead on the end product, the goal. Today, i left the office and had seven errands to run before i went home. i wrote them all down and prioritized them according to location. i took a few minutes to think ahead, which made running my errands much easier. i could have spent hours running all over town, but i managed to get everything done relatively quickly with little backtracking.
rex S. Gibson good product the first time, because redoes can be costly in both time and dollars. if, however, you dont do something right the first time, dont look at it as a failure, but rather as a chance to make corrections that will save you time in the future. it can be a chance to weed out previous errors and streamline the process to increase efficiency next time. The more you learn from your mistakes, the less likely you are to be doomed to repeat them, and the more likely you will be to create more time for yourself.
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Time = Money
There are two ways to amass wealth: make more and save more. We have already addressed creating the precious commodity called time, now let us address saving it. You must realize that, like money, your time is valuable. if your time is valuable, you must establish what your time is worth. establish your hourly rate. for instance, when planning a vacation several years ago, i spent hours searching for the best bargain on accommodation. i searched every website to get the best possible deal. in the end, i wasted five hours of my time on a matter of a few dollars. if i were to say that my hourly rate is $20/hour, and i spend five hours, totaling $100, but only saved $20 on the hotel room, i actually lost $80. i would have been much better off setting a budget for my vacation, and setting myself a time limit for how long i should search for a good hotel. Was it really worth five hours of my time to save $20? no. i could have used my time getting more important things done and creating more time or money. managing your time wisely is all about 125
rex S. Gibson making good decisions. Dont over think the situation. make a decision and put it into action. Just like a text book, concepts learned early in the book are used in bigger, more complex concepts later in the subject. The Three concepts from Previous chapters that are going to help you here are: 1. first find a workable solutionyou can improve it later 2. use the information that you have at hand riGhT noW to create the best possible solution 3. be Decisive
How to Be Productive
being productive can be defined as being able to complete a large number of tasks in a short period of time. When someone says they are busy, it usually alludes to a sense of being out of control. The busy person is in the middle of multiple projects, few of which are being performed well, and none of which are getting completed. under these conditions, most people tend to get stressed out, frustrated, and end up losing it. in the end, the busy person loses in every possible fashion. They dont finish most projects, and the ones that get completed are not done well. The lack of completed projects creates a sense of spinning out of control with no clear path, and no end in sight. finally, failure embeds itself in their minds, preventing them from taking on future projects and causing a loss of self-confidence and motivation, because they start to believe the voice saying, if you try to do a lot of projects, you will fail. 126
The Game of Your Life The solution to becoming productive and not just busy is simple. it is called completed action, or a done. everything, and i mean everything, has a beginning, middle, and an end. We have discussed goal setting and getting started on projects at some length. We have also discussed how to systematically carry out a plan, project, or goal. The end of this process is a done. it is the completed project, job, or task. if one does not complete a task before starting another and another, it is the equivalent of starting a dozen novels, but never finishing any of them. Lack of completion leaves one with a sense emptiness, a void that can only be filled with a done. The path to the completion of any project, job, or task is simple. There are three key elements: 1. Target dates: set a firm date to have the project completed. Work doggedly to ensure you hit your target date. Completing your task on time opens up possibilities to start more projects, which could open more doors for you. 2. Be decisive: eliminate the word maybe from your vocabulary and replace it with either yes or no. nothing can proceed forward from a maybe. When you are forced to navigate maybes, your ability to achieve your goals is extremely hampered. having maybes in your life is like needing to walk across a room full of balloons. if every balloon represents a maybe, how would you reach the other side? You have two choices: you can push, move, or swim your way through the balloons, hoping that you end at your destination without missing the mark, or you can take out a pin and pop each balloon as you make a decision. Should i buy the dog? nopop! Where should i go on vacation? hawaiipop! Do i have the money to buy a new car? 127
rex S. Gibson Yespop! if you made a decision on every balloon in your life, the room would un-clutter and you would be able to move swiftly and decisively toward your goals. 3. Focus: do not allow obstacles or distractions to interfere with progress. Keep your eye on the prize. Do not allow anyone or anything to deter you. it is only done when it is a done! remember, no one wants to hear excuses about why something didnt get finished. Stop being busy, pop your balloons, and move swiftly toward your goals and life dreams.
The successful people are the ones who think up things for the rest of the world to keep busy at. Don Marquis
Be PresentCreate Quality
no one likes to feel rushed. People in a hurry usually look stressed out and frazzled. The word hurry usually implies a lack of quality. if a customer senses that you are in a hurry, it is likely that they will assume that they are going to receive a low quality product. That is not necessarily true. it is possible to create quality work while also being efficient. Speed does not indicate an absence of focus or quality. The key to creating quality in a short period of time while not looking like you are in a hurry is being present. being present is a matter of focus. it means devoting your attention to the task that is right in front of you at that moment. undesirable results only occur when you allow your attention to wander. as a pediatric dentist, i practice this all day. because children have short attention spans, i have to be fully engaged 128
The Game of Your Life with each patient. i get into the appointment, focus on the task at hand, and get the job done. another example would be a professional tennis player. The ball is volleyed from court to court at speeds sometimes over 100 mph. it takes focus to operate at these speeds and yet deliver a backhand with precision. The same could be said for washing your car, doing your taxes, or playing with your kids. Woody allen once said, 90% of life is just showing up What i am trying to impress here is give that last 10% and not only have your body there, but aLL of you. be PreSenTbe There. When people are not in the present moment and not engaged in what they are doing, they are being motivated by fear of time. They fear that they will not have enough time. This is a vicious cycle. When you are not in the present, you tend to make mistakes, which take precious time away from the future, causing you to rush and taking you further out of present time, and on and on. When you have other things on your mind, you cant fully achieve the results you desire. To be fully present and efficient, you cannot be thinking about anything else apart from what you are doing. Whether it is educating your child or fixing the lawn mower, it is important that you focus solely on the task at hand. When i played golf, i found that when i hit a bad shot, it was because i was either dwelling on the previous hole or thinking about the next one. i was not in the moment, not focusing on the present hole. i would rush the shot and end up failing to play my best. if you are focusing on the future and constantly trying to make up for lost time, you are not using the time you have in the present wisely. in the end, not being present to concentrate on the task at hand will delay you even more. 129
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The past is a memory, the future is a mystery, but today is a giftthat is why they call it the present. Master Ugway from Kung Fu Panda
The Game of Your Life justifications, but if we all want to survive and we must grow to survive, why would we choose to stop growth? The answer is fear. fear of failure is the root of procrastination. as we discussed earlier in this book, man has an irrational side. it prevents us from making good choices, and propels us toward bad choices in the face of several good options. it is your job to do one of two things: 1. overcome your fears through sheer force of will or repetition of success. 2. Seek help to eliminate your fears and the parts of your mind that hold you back. only through the elimination of your fears will you be able to act boldly and with confidence.
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rex S. Gibson properties, which can only be kept up for so long. eventually, your lack of foresight, reckless abandon for advancement opportunity, and mismanagement of money will land you in the poor house: game over. Chances are you have read more than one story about a person who went from rags to riches overnight by winning the lottery. many of these stories end up with a winner who is left with a life in shambles and a bank account that reads zero all because of mismanagement. many people believe that money equals happiness. i am not saying that you cannot be rich and happy, but what i am saying is that money can create experiences that cost money. money does not and will never equal happiness. many hollywood movie stars are living proof of this. They buy expensive houses, exotic cars and spend $300,000 on dinosaur bones or the like. They use money to fill a void, and not as a tool.
The Game of Your Life actions revolve around making money, then you are letting money run you rather than work for you. People who have problems with money put themselves in a position where they are no longer in charge of the money. They get so far into debt or are so consumed by materialism that they can no longer see the big picture. They cannot see that money is no more than a piece of paper. of course, everyone makes mistakes, but unless you learn from these mistakes, you can never get past being broke or living paycheck to paycheck. We live in an entirely different day and age than our parents did. back in the 1960s and 1970s, our fathers had one or two credit cards, used only for emergencies, and everything else was paid for with a checkbook. People wrote checks because there was money in their accounts. The only reason to go into debt was to buy a car or house. in the 2000s, we have veered so far off track because we are led to believe that we need more than we actually do. Today, people think they need big houses in the suburbs, with summer houses in the hamptons and cabins in Vermont. This has become the norm even for the middle class, just as luxury brands that were once inaccessible to the masses are now an expectation rather than a privilege. our parents lived much more modestly. Granite countertops were reserved for the ultra wealthy. im not saying you should not have nice things. You are entitled to have all the possessions your heart desires. my point is living within your means. Live at a level at which you are comfortable. Do not buy into the middle class keep up with the Joneses mentality. Do not desire so much materialism and place yourself in debt so deep that the slightest bump in the road causes complete financial devastation. it is the principle of being in control of the money. money has power and you must be able to control and use that power wisely. money in the form of 137
rex S. Gibson debt can turn against you and create restless nights and stomach ulcers. Just like a 700 horsepower hot rod, if used properly, can propel you to a very respectable quarter mile time. if the same hot rod was used by an unskilled driver simply attempting to keep up with his opponent, he could find himself thrown into the barricades or possibly worse. if you dont have the ability to pay back the debt you currently have, you should not be buying more than you absolutely need.
Money never starts an idea; it is the idea that starts the money. W. J. Cameron
The Game of Your Life yourself from financial devastation. here are some easy principles to use to create a stable financial base: 1. use cash and avoid borrowing money, if possible. if you dont have the tools you need to build a house, there is no shame in asking your buddy to help you out and lend you some. however, there is shame in continually asking for more tools without giving back the ones you borrowed in the first place. modern society has gotten into the bad habit of continually borrowing vast amounts of money on a regular basis without repayment. Keep your conscience clear and your name debt-free by always giving back before you borrow more. 2. Do not carry balances on credit cards. many years ago, most people did not have credit cards. They used cash or a checkbook. With cash or checks, you have the money in your account: it is your money to spend. in the past 25 years, credit cards have become available to the masses. The problem began when our society lost the cash in hand mentality and began to carry high interest balances on credit cards. The interest was so high that it became impossible for people to be able to pay off the balance. The simple rule with credit cards is: pay off the balance each month. Let the credit card help you instead of you helping the credit card company. Credit cards can be a useful tool to bail you out of a tough situation when you dont have enough cash and can be a great way to earn money back or points to spend on other items. 3. use money to move forward, not backward. Like all tools, money should be used to help you make progress, not hold you back. if you keep getting further into debt, you cannot move forward, and thus end up moving 139
rex S. Gibson backwards. Soon you will be stuck, and because of your bad credit, no one will want to help you out of the hole you dug for yourself. 4. Value the money you have. if you dont appreciate the money you have, you will likely lose it as quickly as you made it. if taken care of, it will take care of you in savings and returns. 5. Live within your means. america is the land of excess and materialistic competition. Keeping up with the Joneses has been taken to a whole new level of unnecessary competition and purchases. To avoid overspending, you should allocate your money for different areas of your life, including savings, and keep a small amount in a slush fund. a slush fund is an account in which you keep leftover cash after all the bills have been paid and a deposit has been made into your savings account. for example, if i want more golf clubs because i have a tournament coming up, i save for it on a monthly basis until i have enough money to pay for the new clubs. most people in america live beyond their means, yet ignore the basics. i had a parent come in with her daughter for a checkup. The patient received an exam, but the parent didnt want her teeth cleaned because finances were tight. Later, i find out that family had just gone to hawaii for two weeks. People put the things that really need to be attended to on hold while they continue to buy false happiness that puts them further into debt and can morally bankrupt them. 6. bankruptcy is not a great thing, but it isnt the end of the world. Disney went bankrupt seven times. Donald Trump also went bankrupt. Claiming bankruptcy may give you the fresh start you need. The key to bankruptcy is learning from your mistakes. Dont make the same 140
The Game of Your Life mistakes over and over again, such as overspending on credit cards and not paying off debt while continuing to pay high interest rates.
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rex S. Gibson in addition to being in close proximity to success, you must be willing to grow and continue to look for new opportunities to develop yourself. if you remain stagnant, you will never grow or increase your wealth. even if you work at a fast food restaurant, you need to ask yourself what you can do to grow and move up the ladder, ultimately earning more. Keep in mind, as you continue to grow and open yourself up to new ideas, never to fall out of love with what you do. The moment you start resenting what you do is the moment your customers and business partners will begin to see through the faade. The worlds wealthiest people are wealthy and happy because they love what they do. Their cohorts and customers feel their passion, and this translates in the end into more profits.
The Game of Your Life succeed in business by treating people poorly. i am successful because my patients are my business. i make them my top priority. Take mcDonalds, for instance. They dont serve the best burgers in town, but they do serve them with a smile. Their level of service is the secret to their success. 3. High quality products. no matter what industry you are in, you must deliver a high quality product. in my office, we have an entire section dedicated to quality control, which covers all areas from patient experience to office environment. i make it a point to treat my patients how i would treat my own children and deliver the same quality of care that i would to my mother. 4. Be honest in all of your actions. Cheaters never prosper. That line never goes out of fashion.
rex S. Gibson attainment. You must realize that there will always be high points and low points. Sometimes these ebbs and flows can form predictable patterns. as you monitor and predict, you can begin to adapt and possibly prevent the downturns that create monetary stress for business and personal finances. i continue to be in business throughout economic downturns because i had the foresight to see the upcoming recession, so i adjusted my office and turned up the quality control to ensure we didnt lose patients unnecessarily to poor customer service. 2. Keep your finger on the pulse. a lot of people dont keep close tabs on what is going on in their business or personal finances. it can be time consuming and arduous. i wish i had a nickel for every time i heard another business owner say, i wish it would just run itself. businesses can run themselves, but they usually run themselves straight into the ground. The same goes for your personal finances. You must keep your finger on the pulse of your money, whether it is from day to day or week to week, so you can catch the trends before you become a victim of them. 3. Always have a reserve. always have a certain amount of savings set aside for rough times. This is the best way to weather any storms and be prepared for the surprises that life throws at you. a safe number is to set 5% of all earnings aside in a reserve account. This is a savings account, and that money is not to be touched except in the case of a true emergency. money is just a piece of papera simple tool that can be used, exchanged, and manipulated to provide you with a better life. it is critical to remember that you must not become a slave to a piece of paper; instead, you must be its master by controlling how much you spend in relation to how much you earn. 144
You will get all you want in life if you help enough other people get what they want. Zig Ziglar
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The Game of Your Life time and services. if the roles were reversed, i would hope that someone would help me, so that is what i do. i went into my field to help people, and i am in business to help as many people as possible. This principle also applies to standing behind your work. a person really has only one person to answer to: himself. We have discussed personal integrity in previous chapters, and this is where it is applied in business. When confronted with correcting a situation, or fixing a broken product, one simply needs to ask, how would i want to be treated? if every business owner understood and applied this simple, yet highly effective technique, customers would beat a path to their door. i stand beside my work and treat my clients as i would want to be treated. This is how i have built my practice brick by brick. i give my patients great care so they can have an experience that is far better than their parent could ever have had. i strive to be the dentist a parent wishes they had as a child.
rex S. Gibson of all trades is a master of none. Know your limitations and do business within those parameters.
The Game of Your Life that if the child were mine, i would fix the cavity, despite my emotions. This perspective not only gives me a great foundation to stand on, but also allows me to keep my integrity. every business should utilize this concept. Lets pretend i own a restaurant. if my mother and father were to come into my restaurant, i would make sure to go above and beyond to give them extra special service. The concept is simple: if you would give extra special service to your family, you should treat your clients with the same TLC. anyone who is willing to spend their hard earned money on your business deserves to be treated with the best service you can provide. This technique is what separates average businesses from outstanding businesses. Treating every customer as you would treat your family ensures that everyone receives excellent care. it also levels the playing field to assure that you are not playing favorites. Treat everyone with the same wonderful, caring attentioneveryone.
rex S. Gibson soon as you automatically expect them to give you business without your appreciation, they will leave you. The key is to appreciate each and every customer as if they are your first, and potentially your last.
Giving More Than Expected and Provide Good Value for Your Services
i want people to be so satisfied with their experience in my office that they are happy to pay for the services they receive. The concept we are working on here is fair trade. remember when you were a kid and you traded Joey a baseball card for a matchbox car. both parties were happy and felt they got a good deal. if a customer feels that she did not receive good service, or did not receive the goods that were worth the fee, in their mind it was not a fair trade. if the customer feels that he received great service for less money than he expected, then the customer experience is great value. There are many ways to deliver a delightful surprise to a customer by give them more than is expected. Put on your thinking cap and make a list of ways you can do that, and those are your actions that make you stand out form the crowd. The whole idea behind providing excellent service is that customers are not reluctant to pay the bill. They are so pleased and wowed with the treatment or services they received that they are happy to pay. Then and only then do they walk out feeling like they had a great experience. This also has additional positive side effects, given that satisfied customers will say good things about you in the community. They will be your cheering section and will help bring in more customers for you to provide with excellent care. When an individual or a business gives more than was expected, that person or business is well on their way to massive success! 150
rex S. Gibson Creating a positive, uplifting attitude in the office is absolutely necessary for any successful business. The feel or the atmosphere of an office is called the tone. Just like in music, a high tone is upbeat and uplifting, and a low tone is deep and heavy. This tone is created by a combination of staff attitudes and the physical environment of the office. People are happier in an environment that is aesthetically pleasant, which is to say, pretty or appealing. This does not mean that the office needs to be covered in gold leaves or have bouquets of flowers all over. What it does mean is that the office should be appealing to the senses. it must look clean and tidy. it must smell fresh or, in the case of a restaurant, like good food. The staff should be well dressed and appear professional. This all contributes to the physical tone of an environment. mastery of tone comes when a business owner can take a place commonly associated with unpleasant memories and turn it into a fun and inviting environment. in my dental office, i have videogames throughout the office for kids to play, and there are televisions playing movies for kids to watch during treatment and in the reception room. The walls are painted bright yellow and red to pump up the energy level in the office. Cartoon characters are also smiling from the sunny walls. i applied these principles in my own office to make it bright and lively. from the moment you walk in the door, you cant help but feel happy. of course, the physical environment is not the only important aspect of an offices atmosphere. The emotional environment also plays a big role in creating the right tone for the office. The emotional tone is created by using a top down philosophy. This means that the owner and the highest ranking personnel establish the tone of the office. With great 152
The Game of Your Life power comes great responsibility. This means that the owner or highest ranking personnel are not allowed to exhibit low emotional toned behaviors or attitudes. i, as an owner and a doctor, make sure not to bring any negativity into the office. even if i am having a bad day, i check my emotional baggage at the front door. my patients come to me for extraordinary service, not to listen to problems that may be going on in my life. i must be present in the moment in order to provide the top quality service that my patients have come to expect from me. if im carrying around my emotional baggage, my attention is not fully on the patient. if a high ranking person in an office is chipper and upbeat, it has a trickle down effect that diffuses to the entire staff, and is subsequently felt by the customers. Since customers and patients work with multiple people in an office before leaving, the same rules i have for myself apply to the entire staff. natter is defined in the world book dictionary as grumbling or fretting. natter is the discussion subjects such as family problems, stock market drops, or pets dying where there is no positive end result or action step as a target for the conversation. The result i am pointing out here is actually destructive, and that is the lowering of the mood of a group plus wasting of time. We all have problems, losses, and unfortunate circumstances. Some people choose to broadcast them to those around them, to gain understanding, but they fail to realize they bring others down. Conversations in my office are supposed to be upbeat and cheerful. if a negative conversation must take place, i have established a negative zone. if someone is having a negative conversation, the office policy is that they go to that area to have the conversation and then come back with a positive attitude. This way, the conversation will not have an influence on the customers or other personnel. 153
rex S. Gibson being around someone who is so happy can be slightly annoying, but if you are around that person long enough, you will start to be happy too. if you cant beat em, join em! They drag you into a better mooddespite occasional kicking and screamingbecause emotions and moods are contagious. it is important that the only feeling we spread in the office is happiness. it is important for any successful business to remember 1) why they are there, and 2) who they are there for. You are there to take care of the people who come in your front door. Without them, you have no job, so it is essential that they come first. This is the simplest equation for business ever created. i continually remind myself and my staff that the patients who walk in the door give us a purpose. Without them, we would have nothing: no jobs, and no business. every customer, every client, and every patient should be treated like gold, because when you boil it down, they are the only reason you have a job. business is based on supply and demand, and we must create a demand by continuing to make our customers number one.
The Game of Your Life and adjust to suit the current demands of clients. it is important to find increasingly better ways to reach your clients. innovation, along with honesty and trustworthiness, are always highly valued by customers. if you are not growing, you are dying. in todays fast paced world, if you are not moving forward, you will soon find yourself moving in reverse. Seeking to improve is the essential element in having a successful business. in fact, it is the only way for any business to survive over a long period of time. even companies like Pepsi and mcDonalds are constantly seeking new ways to improve the service they provide their customers. i have used two different consulting groups. Different consultants bring different perspectives simply because they have varying experiences and philosophies to draw from. Smart business people absorb all information and synthesize it to improve their current business model. ive never strived to be average; ive always wanted to be the best at what i do. its a more exciting game to play. no one says, i hope i come in fourth out of seven players. fourth would be great! no waythats no fun! Set those dreams high and go for the wow factor. allowing yourself to remain stagnant will cause you to become bored and complacent, and you will eventually stop applying the principles that made you successful in the first place. remember, never stop applying a successful actionthat is the biggest key to success! When you find something that works, continue it, whatever it is. Do not change for the sake of change. apply changes only when the previous action stops being successful. While it is essential to seek out ways to improve, it is also important to value what you have. i am always moving forward and improving myself 155
rex S. Gibson and my services, but i am content and spiritually peaceful on the inside. moving forward and thinking of how great your business can be does not mean you should neglect the great things you already have. appreciate those great things and look for ways to improve upon them. and dont take those great things for granted. You may have a client for years and just assume she is happy and will always be your client. The day you take her happiness for granted is the day you lose her. Treat everyone with new eyes and do not take anyones happiness, satisfaction, or loyalty for granted. use the principles that made you successful in the first place to keep clients happy. Look for new ways to continue to keep them satisfied.
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We are a company that lives and breathes a philosophy thats centered on not only making sound business decisions but also personally and professionally finding ways to contribute to the well being of society. We are also a company that understands community. - Magic Johnson
emotions can get jumbled and messages misinterpreted when one team member attempts to help another team member improve. Problems need to be handled, but sometimes, in the process of handling a problem, execessive and dramatized emotion can arise. Dramatized emotion is when someone exhibits so much emotion that the emotion then becomes inhibitive toward the solution for the problem. it is the emotion that the person is injecting that becomes the focus of attention rather than the real problem or situation. We have all been around a dramatic person, who when relating circumstances, can be counted upon to describe situations with far more drama in them than there was in truth. Drama queen has been the recent label in vogue to describe this person, but it is not accurate as it points to women and drama is not gender specific. Dramatized emotion can destroy relationships, and is often the root of all upsets and misunderstandings. it immobilizes and alienates other people. and for some people , that is their exact intentand for those people, you may just simply show them the door out. There are two ways i have found to contain the damaging effects of dramatized emotion in the office (this universal principle can be applied to any relationship, not just office situations): 158
The Game of Your Life 1. Consult an individuals willingness. 2. Look for the intention of the other person. Lets take consulting an individuals willingness. it is as simple as seeing if an individual is willing to play by the rulesare they willing to do what it takes to play on Your team? no one likes to feel forced or pressured to do anything, but certain things must be done in order to run a successful business. i have a written set of procedures and policies that every employee must follow. i never ask an employee to do something that i, as the owner, am not willing to do. This being said, i know that everything that i ask an employee to do or perform is reasonable, ethical, and needed. an employee must agree with the groups philosophy, decide to follow the procedures, and abide by the policies of the organization. This agreement must be obtained through the employees own decision. if an employee is unwilling to comply with the companys policies and procedures, or they have some disagreement with the mission statement or purpose of the business, then that employee will quickly become unhappy. if the employee begins to natter about how upset they are, then the upset feelings can spread like the bubonic Plague, affecting other employees and potentially bringing down the tone of the office. i monitor my staff s actions and attitudes to see if there is someone who acts like a plague on the positivity of the practice. if i find such a person, i quietly and discreetly pull that person to the side and have a frank conversation about his willingness to be a part of our group. if the employee decides to come into compliance, then the problem is solved. if the employee decides not to comply, then he is not a good match for the business, and there will be another job somewhere else that is a better fit for his abilities and personality. by 159
rex S. Gibson consulting a persons willingness, agreements can be reached without individuals feeling theyve lost their self-determination. There are four steps to correcting an individual: 1. gain understanding of what is the expected or desired behavior or attitude 2. Get the individual to come up with the solution. ask, what do you think you should do? make sure the individual come up with their own solution unsolicited from you. if the person replies with a solution that does not mirror what is expected in step 1, then repeat step 1 to ensure the individual understands what is truly expected and desired from you or the team. 3. next, ask, are you willing to do that? if the answer is Yes, you now have a willing participant in your group. if the answer is no, then there is either a misunderstanding of what is wanted from the individual or the individual is not a good match for your team. if it is simply a misunderstanding, then go back and clear up the confusion and obtain their willingness, otherwise, you may need to separate from that individual. 4. finally, after you have their understanding of what is wanted from them and you have their agreement that are willing to do itask, Can i trust that you will do that? This is an important question because trust is the basis of most relationships. if a person says that they will do something, but actually do not fulfill their promise, the relationship becomes strained. now lets look at intention. intention is defined as what is truly meant. it is the reason behind the action. The fastest way to diffuse any upset is 160
The Game of Your Life to ask, What do you think employee xs true intention was? Knowing that people are generally good and that most people do not intend hurt or harm, the answer people usually come up with is, They didnt mean to hurt my feelings. Take that step first in any disagreement or upset and watch the upset dissolve. as we stated earlier, most upsets stem from dramatized emotion and misunderstandings. if you find yourself feeling upset with someone, you could defuse the situation with a preemptive strike by saying, i realize that you didnt mean to hurt my feelings, but when you said [blank], i felt upset. Can you help me understand what you really meant? by doing this, you can not only prevent an upset, but gain understanding and avert unwanted culture killing drama in the office. This trick is also very useful in spousal upsets: try it and watch your arguments disappear. if someone is not having fun and is not happy working in the culture of my office, then it is not a good match. Certain people fit in with certain cultures. one must realize and respect that the world is made up of many different types of personalities. one should never belittle others, or make them feel like there is something wrong with them just because they dont fit into your culture. it is important for you, as management, to look at each individual team member to make sure you dont have someone who is not following the rules or dragging someone else down. The old saying, one bad apple spoils the bunch, is very true here. unless you can spot the sources of the problems and deal with them, the weeds will spread, and one dandelion will turn into hundreds.
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Setting an example is not the main means of influencing another, it is the only means. - Albert Einstein
i love the saying, you deserve what you tolerate. if you constantly tolerate someone performing at a subpar level, that is what you will see time after time. if you allow a culture where people are always needing correction and consistently messing up, that is how your culture will evolve. When you tolerate an action, you are saying that action is okay, so it will continue. if you tolerate something, you deserve itthat is it.
finally, the best way to create and maintain culture in an office is by setting a good example. i never ask anyone to do something i would not do myself. i also make sure i live up to the high standards i set for the practice, no matter the circumstances. ive had plenty of crummy days, but i check my baggage at the door and walk into the office with a smile on my face and make the best of it. i make sure i am always setting a good example for my staff. i couldnt very well ask them to leave their problems out of the office if i were always complaining about my life at work, so i make sure to act the way i want them to act.
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rex S. Gibson bigger order gives a sense of connection and motivates you during dark times. it is about discovering who you are in terms of your purpose in the larger scheme of life. each individual is responsible for defining his or her own spiritual path, based on their observations and experiences. Spirituality is something that is extremely personalthat is why it is protected under our constitution. Some people form their spiritual values and beliefs at an early age, while others take longer to form their beliefs. over the years, i have studied the major religions of the world and come to the conclusion that all religions basically have the same intention: trying to keep people moral and ethical. Despite the superficial differences between major world religions, they all give people the sense that they are connected to something bigger than themselves. all major world religions and their leadersthe Pope, Dalai Lama, muhammad, Jesusstress a similar theme: humility, honesty, good will toward others, and belief in a creator.
In order to experience everyday spirituality, we need to remember that we are spiritual beings spending some time in a human body. Barbara De Angelis
The Game of Your Life reason that there have been so many religious wars. This is the reason that people strap bombs to their bodies and blow innocent people up on a bus. This is the reason evangelicals chastise others for their beliefs. but, the reality is simple: All religions share the same core values; they just use different language to teach the same lessons. The difference comes in the form of human evaluationhuman interpretation. as Shakespeare said, to err is human. it is the way that we interpret the written word that creates conflict among religions. in our attempt to be right, we make other people wrong. When you make someone else wrong, you have a tendency to upset the other person because, like you, they think they are right and you are wrong. Get it? i had a conversation with my mother the other day, and the conversation turned to the concept of unconditional love. i was using the words non-judgemental, and she was using the words Grace. We were both speaking of the same conceptlove without making others wrong. With this love came non judgment, which kept us from making others wrong. You see, loving unconditionally, being non judgmental, and acting with Grace all mean loving without judgmentthey are three different ways to say the same thing, and im sure there are many more ways to say it. Stop requiring others to use your language and instead find the common concepts and intentions behind their words. Seek to understand others and their intentions and you will find that you are a better person in the eyes and doctrine of your own religion.
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rex S. Gibson We can argue until the cows come home about who is right, and which religion is right, but that will go nowhere fast. Look for the goodness in others and find the intentions behind their actions. religious beliefs are meant to be personal and individual. each person has the right to be right, so love unconditionally, love without judgment, and dont make others beliefs wrong.
The Game of Your Life in order to make sure body and spirit are in harmony, it is critical to stay away from negative forces that weigh you down. if you have ever had the sensation that you feel small and that peoples opinions are crushing your wellbeing, you know what im talking about. To avoid this, you need to remain strong enough to stay above all of these outside influences. Stay outside of peoples opinions. You need to stop listening to depressing news about the economy, the stock market, and the people who cause you unnecessary stress on the drive home from work. a useful motto to help guide you through life is, Play the game above the bar. To obtain any form of real spirituality, one must maintain a high moral and ethical level. hence, play above the bar. it does not matter what god you pray to or what religion you subscribe to: the knowledge of right and wrong must be your core value. inner peace comes from finding your spiritual path. You must own up to making yourself a better person for real or the path is not being traveled honestly. You must be the author of lifeyour spiritual life. if the key to your success is daily prayer or meditation using yoga, use that as a vehicle to reach your goal of balance. People who are truly aware always behave in the same manner, regardless of religion. The Pope and the Dalai Lama, despite their different religious creeds, share similar behaviors and outlooks on life. They are all well above the bar and are unconcerned with what other people say or do. That is my definition of an enlightened spiritual being. They practice unconditional love as a first value, and that gives them the tolerance to understand any man or women of any race, color, creed or religion. from understanding all other relational problems can be absolved.
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The Game of Your Life 3. Explore deeper. if it makes you feel right, then go for more. You know the path is right when you feel like a better person for simply being on that path. it takes courage to hold your own beliefs and have conviction despite what others say. You will never be a complete spiritual being until you are convinced of it, despite what your family or next door neighbor might say. real spiritual enlightenment is found when you can listen to others religious beliefs without invalidating them or believing they invalidate your own. reading a book about the Dalai Lama does not make you a buddhist. Likewise, reading hitlers manifesto doesnt automatically make someone a nazi (so long as they dont blindly accept whatever theyre reading). open eyes, open mind. if you cant investigate, then you either need to dig deeper into your own religion, or you need to start searching for a new path. 4. Tests are a normal part of the spiritual path. When you find your own spiritual path, that does not mean you should no longer test your beliefs. if a spiritual path is right for you, it should remain true despite the circumstances surrounding you. for example, a mathematical theory does not become law until it holds true no matter the mathematical question it is used in; the same can be said for your spiritual path. The more your path is tested, the stronger it becomes. The more often it holds true, the stronger your beliefs will become. religion is meant to fulfill you, and if you only practice or believe in something because its the right thing to do, or thats how i was raised, or my mother would be angry if i didnt believe then you are living a false life. That is the saddest existence someone can have, living a lie and believing someone elses truth while ignoring their own.
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rex S. Gibson 5. Start looking into yourself. Truly look into your core and confront questions like, What am i about? What am i doing? What is my purpose? What is my real reason for being here? There is no one religion that is right for every person. religious freedom gives individuals the right to hold their own beliefs. The biggest key is having something that you believe to your very core, despite possible repercussions. When you find your truth, your inner power starts to become bigger and bolder, and you become full of purpose. You need to find your basic purpose, not one that focuses on making the rent check or car payment or mortgage, but the basic purpose for why you are here. if you dont find that one thing, you will never be fulfilled or happy. People tend to give up after looking in one or two places. They turn to what is socially acceptable or what their parents hold true instead of considering whether it is their own belief. Dont misunderstand me: it is absolutely fine to believe as your friends or parents do, as long as you truly hold those beliefs as yours. it takes strength and courage to seek out and stand up for what you believe to be true. You are entitled to your opinion as long as you find happiness and your own truth without harming others along the way. 6. Make spirituality a part of your daily life. as previously mentioned, it doesnt matter what vehicle you use to get in touch with your spiritual side; the important thing is using that vehicle to reach your end goal. Whether you use meditation or prayer, handling snakes or dancing at midnight, as long as it helps you to find inner power and peace, then you need to make it a part of your daily life. religion and spirituality is not for convenience; it should run to the core of your being. People who do not make time for their spiritual practice are missing a truly rich part of living.
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The Game of Your Life 7. Practice your spiritual beliefs honestly. Just like the rules of driving or baseball, spiritual and religious rules are rules. all religions have basic rules that need to be followed, and people who break the rules will never be highly spiritual. You cannot break even minor moral or ethical laws because you will always find yourself trying to apologize for something. if you look at the basic tenets of the major world religions, you will find that they are all very similar: kindness, respect, humility, service, generosity, altruism, etc. They are the same things your parents taught you as a child: dont lie, dont cheat, dont steal, dont murder. The rule that cheaters never prosper is probably the most basic truth when it comes to spirituality. You cant break the rules and hurt others while on an upward spiritual path. i am not saying that you are not entitled to make mistakeswe are human what i am saying is to keep your intentions true. breaking your religious beliefs should be the exception, not the rule. Keep your morals in line, practice your tenets with conviction, and create the least amount of harm while living a full and fruitful life.
Great men are they who see that the spiritual is stronger than any material force, that thoughts rule the world. Ralph Waldo Emerson
rex S. Gibson the faith in your religious views. it is in these deep seated beliefs where real purpose lives. Without deep, personal purpose, you may be missing the basic reason for our existence. finding your spiritual path will lead you to greater inner power and peace. People who are never content are those who have not found a good spiritual path and are always questioning the validity of their lives. a lot of depression comes from people not really knowing what their spiritual path is. i dont know how someone could be depressed or sad if they possess certainty of spiritual beliefs. it is not possible to have feelings of emptiness if you are firm in your spiritual beliefs. There are times when people make the mistake of substituting their spirituality for drugs in order to make sense of their lives and find peace. if your mind is clouded with chemicals, your ability to find spiritual peace is inhibited. When i feel very spiritually at peace, i feel like i am in an altered state: a self generated high that wont get me a Dui. as a final point, remember that the book is called The Game of Your Life. So many people have pondered the mysteries of life, the who am i? and why are we here? Seek your answers in your path toward spiritual freedom. Greatness comes in a package, and finding your spiritual path is a key ingredient to creating a complete package. You dont have much choice as to whether you are going to play the game of life or not, so you might as well find the answers to who am i? and why am i here? The answers may create rejuvenated purposes for playing the game of life, but if nothing else, you have found the stable base from which to play the gamerock solid.
The Game of Your Life Your spiritual path is never something you put off and do tomorrow. Tomorrow is too late. i watched a kids movie called Kung fu Panda, and in that movie master ugway says, The past is a memory, the future is a mystery, and today is a giftthat is why they call it the present. i received spiritual guidance from a cartoon character in Kung fu Panda! You can find inspirational information and enlightenment anywhere; you just have to be open to it. Play a game with yourself and see how many times a day something happens that makes you think, Wow, that is uplifting! most of us are too busy pointing out the negative things in our day to be aware of all the good stuff around us. Start paying attention and look for the amazing things that happen to you throughout your day.
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rex S. Gibson absolutely necessary; however, there is something engrained in us that makes us need and want to be around others. We cooperate with others for physical, emotional and spiritual support. for instance, if you set out to build a skyscraper all by yourself, you would not be able to do it. You need other people to aid you in getting things done. You need to form positive bonds with others to achieve your goals. for these reasons it should be obvious that you need to be very good at constructing relations with other people. but we must have a deeper field of vision. We must dissect our lives and see the various people, places, groups and things we touch with our decisions and relationships while we move through life. We need to take into account those people, places, groups and things when making our decisions in life. When we discuss life, we are talking about the parts of our activities that we care about and spend time and attention caring for. So life for us is usually the care for and management of ourselves, our family, our work and groups we work within. it is also our relations to our community, and to some degree our care for people we would say we do not even know, yet somehow we identify as our brotheren. Support and help may be found in the least likely places. remember, when making decisions in life, create the greatest good for the largest number of people your decision will touch. While it is true that we need others to aid us, we must realize the difference between healthy and unhealthy relationships in any area of your life. if we continue to engage in unhealthy relationships, chances are we will not move any closer to our goals because there will be no exchange of benefits. unhealthy relationships are often one sided and do not aid in any sort of growth. When relationships are not mutually 176
The Game of Your Life beneficial, members involved tend to feel that something is off center. healthy relationships are based on a mutual exchange of benefits. for example, imagine that i own a baseball franchise, and i chose a player and paid him a top salary to perform at an expected level. if the player hits 58 homeruns and has a batting average of .400, helping to lead our team to the playoffs, id say that we had a nice mutual exchange of benefits. if the player ends up underperforming and the franchise misses the playoffs, there is no mutual exchange of benefits. as the owner, i feel like i overpaid for underperformance. That sounds simple, but most relationships are not simple. relationships are complex, continually evolving, and can exist for long periods of time. in order to ensure that relationships remain healthy, we need to continually create those relationships. When relationships fail, it means that one or more parties in the relationship have failed at creating the relationship. building relationships is like being an artist: your success depends on your continued efforts to create new and various forms of art to sell. if you create one sculpture, but never create any more, your career as an artist will fail. There are a few key steps that we can take to ensure that we continue to create and re-create our relationships.
rex S. Gibson the tank up with gas after you borrowed a friends car. When you deliver more than was expected, you become indispensable. 2. Communication is key. Communication is the most important aspect of any relationship. many people believe that communication consists solely of what one says, but in reality, it consists of much more. it is not just what you say, but also how you say it. The tone in your voice and how your body is positioned, as well as the energy you radiate when the communication is delivered, is massively important. Communication can happen very quickly, or it can take much longer, depending on the nature of the relationship and the individuals involved. for instance, i can have a short conversation with my sister every few months and our relationship is solid. We dont have to talk on the phone for hours to maintain our close bond. in some of my other relationships, i need to put in hours worth of time and effort in order to make sure that we are on the same page. it is up to you to figure out what level of communication is needed for the various relationships in your life. each person has a built in communication barometer that tells us if there is enough communication in a relationship to maintain it. even though every person possesses this barometer, not everyone is aware of, or uses it. if the other person with whom you are communicating appears to be taking your communication wrong, it is your responsibility to figure out what was misunderstood, or miscommunicated. how do you do that? ask questions. The simplest method is saying, i can sense that something i said upset you or might have been misunderstood. Tell me what is going on. This gives you insight into how the other person received your communication. You must have your radar up when you throw out communication to detect what is coming 178
The Game of Your Life back by paying attention to the reaction you receive. You need to adjust your communication if it was not received in the manner you intended. 3. Take full responsibility. Taking responsibility rather than placing blame is key to quelling any disagreement. have you ever been in an argument where the other person was very upset, and you took all the blame for the situation? all the wind goes right out of their sails! better yet, have you ever seen two people argue about who was more wrong? it would go like this: im sorry, i was wrong. no, no, no, i was wrong! no, it was my fault. no, it was my fault. it sounds funny, but if you take responsibility for the situation, the level of hostility dissipates; it might even stop the disagreement without any other action becoming necessary. The only reason people dont do this is pride. as we discussed earlier in this book, people want to be right. The more willing a person is to accept responsibility, and in essence be wrong, the fewer conflicts he or she will have to deal with. 4. Replicate Exactly: the key to full understanding. in order for any communication to be complete, the person listening must be able to repeat or paraphrase what the other person said. Communication can be convoluted and polluted either as a result of misunderstanding the original communication, or because the communication comes through other channels or persons who then incorrectly interpret and replicate the original communication. but why? if i say something, the other person should understand, right? not necessarily. The problem is that people are as individual as snowflakes. Their personal experiences and perceptions are different. This makes each person hear a conversation differently. So, no matter the persons background or previous life experience, the 179
rex S. Gibson key to full and proper communication is getting the receiver to replicate exactly the intent of the original communication. 5. Do not make assumptions. This point is simple. Dont make assumptions about anything! if there is any question in your mind, ask for clarification. Get good information from good sources, ask questions until you feel comfortable that you are fully informed, and make your own decision on a situation. 6. Intentions: people are generally good. if you take the stance that people are out to get you, your existence will be haunted by poor communication, surface friendships and few deep or lasting relationships. assume that people have good intentions. if you have good intentions, you can engage in open, honest relationships with others rather than relationships based on false fronts. Good intentions allow you to see the other persons viewpoint by walking in their shoes for a minute in order to understand where they are coming from. 7. Dont lie, cheat, or steal, and treat others how you would like to be treated. and dont look for relationship advice in a magazine. Seek to make yourself better, and dont try to hide things. Clean consciences come from clean hands and deeds. 8. Appreciate the differences in people. We are all individuals, separated by our viewpoints of life. We each see through different sets of eyes, and each have a different set of experiences to draw from. The combination of these aspects can create a very interesting situation. if you asked ten eyewitnesses about a single car accident, you would get ten different perspectives and ten different stories. This is due to 180
The Game of Your Life the fact that each one of those witnesses had a slightly different angle from which they viewed the accident, and they may have heard or focused in on something slightly different during the accident. The point of this story is that people are different and we need to appreciate the differences. 9. See life through their eyes. as we just stated, people are different and see every situation with a different set of eyes combined with a different set of past experiences. With this being said, we see through our own eyes, create our own reality, and judge life based on our own experiences. Try to see through another persons eyes to understand how they arrived at their decision based on what they saw, heard, and felt, combined with their past experiences. in other words, take their perspective. if you do that, you can begin to understand their position, with understanding comes peace. 10. Embrace the challenges. all relationships experience highs and lows. remember, relationships are a team sport, and understanding and empathy are needed to succeed at the relationship game. Seek to constantly improve your relationships and realize that the job is never done. even after a building is built, it still needs maintenance, and so do relationships. it is only through experiencing times of difficulty and adversity that we can truly appreciate our relationship with our spouse or partner.
rex S. Gibson that take a lot more time and effort than others, and there may be times when you realize that you do not have the necessary time or energy to continue with them. The best relationships are the simple ones. if a relationship is overly complex, there is probably something wrong. Keeping this in mind, how do you know when you should stick with a relationship and when you should move on? here are some simple factors to consider when making this type of decision: 1. Is it overly complex? if it is overly complex there is something out of balance. for instance, if i spent all of my time worrying whether a friend was angry with me or not, it would distract from the friendship. a relationship needs attention, but when it starts to require an exorbitant amount of attention on a regular basis, it will eventually wear you down. relationships should be symbiotic. if a relationship requires an extraordinary amount of attention, you need to either reduce the complexity or disconnect from the individual. 2. Not everyone is going to like you. im not a suspicious individual, but i do know there are people who dont and will never like me no matter how hard i try. You dont have to like everyone and everyone does not have to like you. Sometimes it is best to call a spade a spade and part ways. The point is not to stop working on relationships; the point is to cut losses. There are millions of people in this worldgo and find the people that you get along with. attempt to please 95% of the people 100% of the time, because you will never please the other 5% no matter what you do. 3. Is it mutually beneficial? relationships require a certain amount of sacrifice, but if they take more than they give, you may have a problem. assess whether what you are putting into the relationship is worth what 182
The Game of Your Life you are getting out of it. in the end it must always come back to balance. 4. Does this person fit into the definition of a friend? friends are great. friends discuss life, exchange jokes, and help each other. The last part of this is the most important. The best definition of a friend is anyone who, by their very presence, increases your success potential. This could be a stranger who stops to help you with a flat tire, or the tutor who helps you pass the test. it might not be the friend who is telling you gossip, or the friend who is trying to get you to take a break from your studies to have a beer, or even the friend who listens, commiserates, and gets you even madder about a situation without offering any viable solutions. remember, a true friend increases your success potential, so evaluate your friends and make sure they fit the definition. You may find that you had a whole lot more friends than you thought, or you might find you have some so called friends who dont fit the definition. use courage and untinted glasses to evaluate these relationships and see the individuals as they truly are: friend, foe or mere acquaintance.
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rex S. Gibson When we talk about being grateful, keep in mind it is not always about what things you have acquired, but also about being grateful for the person you have become. all of your things will belong to someone else when you die, but who you are will last forever. Set a goal that will keep you progressing, and goals that will inspire your absolute best effort every single day. You are reading this book, so that must be what you truly want: to be the best you can be. no one wakes up in the morning thinking, i cant wait to be average! When you read that sentence, you might smile or laugh at how it sounds, but that is exactly what many people do each morning without even realizing it. even Donald Trump, who has more money and assets than most people could even dream of, is still pushing and looking to accomplish more. he sets goals and systematically sets out to accomplish them. many of us might associate the word more with greed, but its not about obtaining things so much as moving your life forward and continuing to grow. Through all of your disappointments and successes, think of all the priceless lessons you have learned in the process. Consider how much richer your life is because you had a goal and worked toward it. now, this is not about comparing yourself to someone else, or beating someone else at the game; its about moving yourself toward greatness. it is about creating rather than competing.
Be grateful for your accomplishments, but dont relish them for long, because the status quo is un-motivating.
When we continue to achieve our goals and move forward, we begin 186
The Game of Your Life to experience a sense of inner peace and happiness. i have a note in my bathroom that says: Life isnt about finding yourself; its about creating yourself. if you are trying to find yourself, you could search forever. Life is about creating yourselfbeing the author to your own life. only you can define you, and this task is not meant to be done by anyone but yourself.
To educate yourself for the feeling of gratitude means to take nothing for granted, but to always seek out and value the kind that will stand behind the action. Nothing that is done for you is a matter of course. Everything originates in a will for the good, which is directed at you. Train yourself never to put off the word or action for the expression of gratitude. Albert Schweitzer
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rex S. Gibson i feel strongly that i create a positive effect through my business. for several years running, my whole office has raised money for Special olympics through an event called The Polar Plunge. We recruit families from our office to join us to support children and adults with special needs by sacrificing our bodies to the frigid winter waters of the Deschutes river every february. i also have a program operated through my office that is called The Great Candy buy back, in which my office buys candy back from children after halloween. all the candy bought from the children is shipped to american soldiers serving abroad. in 2009, we bought over 700 pounds of candy from the kids of central oregon. another worthy cause to which my office has donated time and money is Saving Grace, a non-profit group specializing in aiding battered and raped women and children. every summer, Saving Grace puts on a childrens festival with hundreds of booths and games for kids. all of these groups are in alignment with my personal purpose, which is to help as many people as i can. i have found that synergistic energy is created when i donate to organizations that align with my own purposes. it gives me a sense of contributing to the betterment of my fellow man and donating to the greater good of our society. These are some of the most rewarding things i have ever done. i have made it a goal to see how many people i can help and how wide a zone of influence i can create.
Too many of us are not living our dreams because we are living our fears. Les Brown
There are so many ways to give to others. Start being creative and look for opportunities to give back to your community. if you are reading 188
The Game of Your Life the paper and you see someone in your town whose house just burned down, find some things in your house that you dont use and donate them to the family. if you hear of a family in your area that is suffering from medical turmoil, contact someone in their family and ask if you can donate your time if you cannot help monetarily. many times you can start a pool at your office in those situations where everyone donates two dollars to deposit into the familys medical fund. Start being an advocate for those less fortunate than you.
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BONUS SECTION: CREATE YOUR GAME AND MAP OUT YOUR PLAN FOR SUCCESS
5-Day Fast Track to Success
as discussed throughout the pages of this book, it is critical to have a solid plan that you can use on a consistent basis. This section will clearly outline the steps that you can take within the next five days to define your purpose, set clear goals for your life, and put that purpose into action so that your dreams come true. You will need a pencil before we get started, because you are actually going to create your 5-day fast track one step at a time. i have created a template at the end of Day 2 to avoid any confusion, and i will walk you through the rest step by step. first, i will give you a few exercises to complete. if you need to, i encourage you to refer back to earlier sections in the book to help bring clarity to your thoughts. i have broken this process down into five days 191
rex S. Gibson because i want you to review the previous days work before starting the next section of the fast track. as stated earlier, i apply the 24-hour rule to major decisions, so you may need to use the same technique. We are creating a blueprint for the new you, so we need certainty. Good Luck and have funill see you in the winners circle!
The Game of Your Life statement. The goal needs three specific attributes: a name, specificity, and a deadline. PURPOSE: Your purpose is the main motivation behind all of your actions. it is that one thing that remains constant and keeps you happy and balanced even throughout difficult times. Your purpose does not change. it is everlastingthe drive behind your achievements, the motor under the hood, your internal power. it is the reason you do what you do. When things are done without purpose, they fail. remember that your goals and purpose need to be aligned or you will fail. on another full piece of paper, write down all the reasons you want to achieve this goal. Keep writing down new whys until you feel you can articulate your purpose for embarking on this journey. Take that purpose statement and write it directly below your goal statement. This is all we are going to do for Day 1. We will give it a day (in accordance with the 24 hour rule) and pick up where we left off tomorrow. GooD WorK! See you tomorrow!
rex S. Gibson you from reaching your destination. Life is a game, and like any game it consists of rules, obstacle/barriers and Goals/Purposes. on Day 1 you defined your goals and purposes, but now you must identify your obstacles and formulate a way to navigate around them. We will create a program for success. (Please refer to page 98 as you work through Day 2 exercises). GUIDELINES AND RULES: These are the rules of the game, the laws which, if you break them, mean defeat. These support the goal by keeping everything involved in this goal focused. it keeps those who might stray off course focused on the target. There may be multiple guidelines and rules to follow, and each one must be delineated and specified. SamPLe GuiDeLineS and ruLeS for DifferenT areaS of Life Dont drive if you are drunk. if i have to drive, i should not drink. Dont spend more that i make. Spend time each day with my children. Learn one thing new each day. have rewards for correct behavior for my children. never make decisions when i am upset. Check out thoroughly the people i do business with- remove upsets in advance. my spouse is my team mate, not an opponent, treat then with respect. Listen to people, even when you do not want to. Grant people importance. Do not take short cuts, do things right as it is always better in the long run. never risk my families asset basis to increase wealth. Work with only productive people who have verifiable production results. 194
The Game of Your Life Keep my planning ahead of my activities. PLANS: Plans are best done by a realistic assessment of the resources you have available. You plan with what you have, not with what you do not have. most people fail at planning because they are trying to think up a plan at a table, when they really need to go out and talk to people and locate the things they need to accomplish the goal. You cannot build a house with no material. So the first plan might need to be to find the resources to work with. Keep in mind that there may be multiple plans for one single goal. DOABLE ACTION STEPS: This entails the break down of single action items that are doable in a small span of time (day or week) so that there is actual progress toward a goal. it is important to get some inertial going and moral established so that there is enthusiasm to crush any barriers that might come up. now that we have defined what we will be doing today, lets get to work. an example has been created for you as a template. (Please refer to page 98 as you work through Day 2 exercises). Take out your exercise from yesterday and, directly below the purpose statement, leave a two-inch gap, and write GuiDeLineS and ruLeS. as defined above, write one or more rules that must be followed in order for you to succeed in attaining your goal. below your GuiDeLneS and ruLeS, you will define your PLanS. Please write what you intend to do to support your efforts to achieve your goal. There may be multiple items, so write down each one. be very specific and establish a deadline for completion that is in line with your goal deadline. finally, directly below your plans, create a list of DoabLe aCTion STePS that must be completed sequentially to 195
rex S. Gibson reach your goals. again, like plans and goals, you need to establish deadlines for each step to be completed. Do you feel overwhelmed? Does it still feel like your goal is out of reach? if the answer is yes, then review your steps and hunt for any missing steps that need to be added to allow the next step to be easily done. as you move through this part of the exercise, you may get stuck and need some help. i have created a series of six hints that might help you complete your exercise: 1. Look for obstacles that are preventing you from achieving your goals. You will not succeed if you do not identify the obstacles you need to overcome. These can be big or small, physical or emotional. unfortunately, no matter what you want to do, there is always something that will prevent you from doing it. it can be as simple as filling your car up with gas or as complicated as moving across country. Whatever the obstacle, it needs to be confronted head on. You can look for obstacles by plotting out the sequence of events that need to happen in order to work your way to success, and then listing possible barriers that may keep you from your goal. 2. Find a way to eliminate obstacles without leaving a wake of destruction in your path. There is always room for change. if your obstacle is something physical, modify it; if it is a person, work on improving your communication with him or her by being honest and expressing your intentions, goals, and purposes. at the end of the conversation, the person will either agree with you and stop standing in your way, or you will need to ask them kindly to step aside so you can achieve your goals. remember, always take full responsibility for your actions. 196
The Game of Your Life 3. Look for whys of previous failures. Looking for whys will point out ineffective strategies of the past. Write these whys down on paper, and be brutally honest with yourself. Life is a series of mistakes, and in order to correct these mistakes, you identify the circumstances, figure out what went wrong, and find a way to handle them. When you look at your past performances, you should concentrate on previous mistakes that had similar purposes or circumstances. if the situations are similar, you have a better chance of using the past situation to get through the current one by correcting and avoid those previous mistakes. 4. Make it simple and effective. The best strategies are simple and straightforward. in my experience, the most effective method is incredibly simple: a checklist. as you create and write down the step by step program, leave a blank next to each step so you can place a checkmark there when it is done. This way you will always know what is next. it keeps things simple and sequential. 5. Surround yourself with like minded people. The more you surround yourself with successful, like minded people, the faster you will achieve your goals. if your environment is filled with unsuccessful, or unhappy people, you will be affected by all of the negativity. The ones that are negative are still going to be there, but you must learn how to deal with them more effectively. if they are not on board with you and your purpose, you must either ask for their willingness to help you, or ask them to kindly move aside and keep your communication with them to a minimum. 6. Who are some people who can help you? appreciate those people and gain power from them. Thank the people who help you achieve your goals and then reciprocate. There is a synergy of power when one person helps another to be successful. attract more power to yourself 197
rex S. Gibson through appreciation. for instance, if you go to a rose garden and dont see the beauty around you, you are not really appreciating it, and if youre not appreciating it, you are not giving any power to the garden, and are thus depriving it from any positive energy that you can bestow on it. To prevent confusion, i have created a full example of Days 1 and 2 on the next page. Please use it as a reference if you need to. This is all we are going to do for Day 2. We will follow the 24 hour rule and pick up tomorrow. GooD WorK! See you tomorrow. Date ____________________________________________________ Decision Statement ________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________ Done Deadline ____ _________ Goal Statement: ____ _________ Purpose Statement: ____ _________ Guidelines and rules ____ __________ Plan: ____ __________ Doable action Steps: ____ __________ Doable action Steps: ____ __________ Doable action Steps: ____ ___________ Plan: ____ __________ Doable action Steps: _____ __________ Doable action Steps: ____ __________ Doable action Steps: ____ __________ Doable action Steps: ____ __________ Doable action Steps: _____ __________ Doable action Steps: ____ __________ Doable action Steps: 198
rex S. Gibson There is a law of nature: an item will remain at rest unless acted upon by an outside force. a perfect example of this law is when you sit on a tack. When you sit down on a chair, you would normally remain at rest, but if you sit down on a chair with a tack on it, ill bet you wont remain at rest. Youll probably jump up out of the chair. Pain is a strong motivator, and people generally seek pleasure and move away from pain. because of this principle, it is easy to establish that change occurs in people when the idea of staying the same becomes too painful. This leads us to a natural sequence of events: i am not a huge proponent of dwelling on the negative, but sometimes it is necessary to establish a sense of urgency. Write down all the consequences that will happen if you dont achieve your goal. i dont want you to sugarcoat it. You need to be brutally honest with yourself. now, keep writing down consequences until the thought of allowing things to stay the same is so painful, and you see that you have so much to lose, that you feel like you just sat on a tack. When you feel that sensation, we are ready. now get moving! Start with the first project of the first plan and check off each item as you complete it. as you move along your path to success, you might need a little pep talk, a boost to re ignite your action. here is a method i developed to break a block in your path to goal attainment.
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Rewards: you should reward yourself for achievements. We need to feel the perks of our success. Give yourself something tangible that you can have, touch, or experience as a reward for achieving a target or goal. You will often get affirmation from other people, but not everyone will understand your goals. You need to reward yourself because only you know where you started and where you are going. if your income is $50k and you are talking to someone who is making $1 million, they might give you a simple pat on the back without realizing how much you struggled to meet your goal. Dont look for other people to validate you; you need to validate yourself, so give yourself something tangible that validates your successes. Add spices. Do things that give you pleasure. Sometimes during the process of goal achievement, things can get a little serious. Stop. remember that life is a game and games are supposed to be fun. Take a break if you feel life getting too serious. Simply stop and have some fun. Go outside and run around. Go play with you kids. Whatever you do, go get some fun back into your game. it is the best investment in your goals process you can make. 201
rex S. Gibson Multi-task and be more efficient with time to get more done with the time you have. for example, i like to shop at Super Wal-mart because i can get all my groceries, toiletries, pots, and pans in one spot, which gives me the ability to get more done in less time. i go to one store for all ten things instead of going to ten different stores. in order to avoid unneeded repetition, you need to be well organized so you only have to make one trip. nice Work! now its time to get into gear and be the author of your life... the master of your destiny... the elite athlete in the Game of Your Life. See you tomorrow for Day 4.
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What To Measure
if you look over what you are doing and you find a sensible numerical way to measure progress, then you can get some accountability going for yourself and it will help you stay on track. The improvement would be obvious on a chart and it would reinforce your drive and effort, however it would also show when and if you slacked off. anything can be charted, but the key is to isolate intelligently the right measurement for what you are doing. another common word for charting is graphing and we will use this word for reference. basics about graphs: 1. Graphs needs to be scaled properly. This means that whatever numerical scale is used, the graph should almost fill the scale from top to bottom (see graphs below). 2. Each graph has a specific time frame in which it is measured. it can be daily, weekly, monthly, quarterly, or yearly (see graphs below). 3. Each graphs time frame of measure should represent the most reasonable time frame for the situation being graphed. for example, weight loss should be measured and graphed daily or weekly, but is less effective monthly or yearly. it is just the opposite for measuring savings accounts: they should only be measured monthly or yearly. 203
rex S. Gibson 4. Read and interpret graphs from left to right. You should plot the graph left to right, and be sure the higher the line goes, the better the statistic. 5. As you get closer to attaining your goals, the graphical line should be moving in an upward direction. Therefore, if you are graphing weight loss, the lowest number will be at the top of the graph. if you are graphing a savings account, the highest number will at the top (see examples below).
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The Game of Your Life 2. Upside down graph: the highest number is on the bottom and the numbers get smaller as you progress up the chart. (for weight loss, on day one my weight is 200 lbs, and on day thirty, i weigh 175 lbs.)
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rex S. Gibson Straight line target graph: This is a graph that has a straight line from the where you begin to the final goal. You then overlay your points to track your progress. This will help predict the success of the project. (for example, to chart sales: i want to sell 1200 shirts in a month. The first line is a straight, solid line that starts at zero and goes to one hundred over a 30 day period. Then each day, you place a dot on the graph aligning with how many shirts you sold that day. You then connect the dots that represent your information to create a second line. You can then follow your progress through the month and predict success or make adjustments if necessary.)
There are many computer programs that you may be able to purchase to create your graphs. You can even do them by hand on paper. it does not matter how you do them as long as you Do Them. i have found a very easy program which is designed for statistics and graphs. The software program is called management by Statistics by masterTech. You can go to www.mastertech.com to purchase your own copy and begin tracking your statistical way to the winners circle.
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rex S. Gibson 3. Groups: two or more individuals with a common purpose. an example of a group could be a 4-h Club, a ski club, an office, or a group of people who get together for a fantasy football league. Whatever the group may be, it must be examined to see if it will further your purpose by helping you achieve your goals. if it does, consider how you can benefit that group and make it better. after this has been determined, go through the steps we already mentioned. find your purpose in that group, then lay out the goals of the group. You can have personal goals for yourself, but you must look at what the groups goals are first. for instance, if the groups goal is to watch football and eat junk food and you are not really on purpose with the goal, you either have to leave the group or make it better so it can fit your goals. 4. Society: the city, state, and country that you live in as well as that areas government. You have the power to make small changes that will have a large impact. for example, if i dont think that our government or local city councilmen are good, but have a friend who i think would make an excellent councilman, i will help him run. it could even be something as simple as voting. if you try to make positive changes but your country refuses to change, then leave. Consider what country can you go to and how you will benefit that country. There are people who are trying to escape dictatorships every day, yet most people who complain about the american government are still not willing to leave the country. You must find a society that will work for you, because you will never be fulfilled if you are operating in a society that you do not agree with and cant support. We are getting into some really big stuff here because this is the step where you must take on a lot of responsibility to move up to the next level. not everyone can be Gandhi or the Dalai Lama, so youll need to set your goals and make them reasonable for 208
The Game of Your Life you. You dont have to run for president; just make sure you vote for the president you think will best benefit your country. You can even encourage people to abide by the law and pay their taxes. Your actions dont have to change the world; they just need to push it a little closer in the right direction. 5. The human race: It is composed of all humans, and every one needs to be treated equally. amnesty international is a great example of an organization fighting for human rights, but what can you do? Start small by helping at a soup kitchen, treating people well, and furthering mankind. Little acts like pulling out chairs or opening doors go a long way. Personally, i give away dental services to unfortunate kids. it may seem small but it makes a difference. 6. The planet: This includes all plants and animals as well as the planet itself. Concentrate on pollution, recycling, and anything that will help the planet. You must look at the purpose of earth (to sustain life) and how you can contribute to sustaining life on this planet. Whether through a soup kitchen or helping in the aftermath of a tsunami, how can we further the purpose of sustaining life? 7. Your spiritual beliefs: What is the purpose of this? it is to understand you. open your eyes and expand your horizons. once you find your path, further that path. a lot of people are scared of spirituality because they are afraid to be wrong. This one has been ingrained over hundreds and thousands of years of mankind saying, You must believe! ignore other voices and listen to your own voice! once you do, you will find certainty.
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rex S. Gibson Knowledge is power. You only know what you know, and you dont know what you dont know. That may sound like a silly statement, but it is true. before you picked up this book, your view on life was different. You now live in a new moment in time with new information. Like we discussed back in early chapters, the best decision at any one time is made with the information at hand at that time. by finishing this book and its exercises, you have been enlightened with new information. You are operating from a whole new set of rules. You are working with new knowledge. You now know what you previously did not know. it is time to see the world anew using the starry eyed vision of a child. Skip, laugh, play, and live life to its fullest. Play gamesthey are everywhere. They are meant to be exciting, invigorating, exhilarating, and downright fun. because you are alive, you dont have a choice of whether to play the Game of LifeYou only have the choice of how you play the game of life. as we part for the day, i want to remind you to set goals, create targets, and pursue them relentlessly. i want you to live life with purpose and passion. remember only you will make you happy. i wish you the best. You dont need luck. You are in possession of skill that will elevate you to new heights. have fun, and play hard. if you have to play the game, you might as well play it at your peak performance. use what you have learned and remember the problems of life are only obstacles. They are simply part of the game. finally, remember, as you stand on the podium, accepting your medal, listening to the roar of the crowd, and feeling the exhilaration of victory, it was you who made it happen. it was you who took responsibility for 212
The Game of Your Life your life. it was you who found your purposeand it was you who made it happen. Go out author your life... create your game and Win the Game of Life!!! You can follow me on YouTube.com, facebook, and through my office website zookadental.com. i also encourage you to go to Vook.com and look at the exciting next evolution in books: interactive books. You will find The Game of You Life with additional video links, tutorials, and motivational clips to help boost you in your endeavors.
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rex S. Gibson For additional reading on this subject, I suggest: ready for anything 52 Productivity Principles for Work and Life The e myth revisited Dianetics: modern Science of mental health Self analysis Scientology: a new Slant on Life Scientology: The fundamentals of Thought The Problems of Work The Way to happiness Who moved my Cheese? The four agreements a new earth David allen michael e. Gerber L. ron hubbard L. ron hubbard L. ron hubbard L. ron hubbard L. ron hubbard L. ron hubbard Spencer Johnson, m.D. Don miguel ruiz eckhart Tolle
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