To whom it may concern:

Let the bearer of this passport enter and exit Diesel Island territory at will, without any requirements of visa, taking off their shoes or having to throw away their ridiculously overpriced water at airport gates... for this person is a citizen of Diesel Island.
(Flattering full body photograph)

OOPSY CLIFFS

E V E RY R E L I G I O N R E T R E AT

P I R AT E R A D I O S TAT I O N

G O AT S B A L L S SHAPED L AGOON

HONEST POLITICIANS REPOSE

P I L LOW F I G H T TRENCHES

SOCIAL MEDIA REHAB CENTER

C RO O K E D S E NAT O R S PAT H

ADDICTIVE G R A F F I T I B AY

H AV E A N I C E B AY

B AC H E LO R PA RT I E S L AGOON

S E X UA L E N E RG Y FAC T O RY SHAKE AND MOAN BU S H E S

F R E E B AY

Fo r a v i r t u a l t o u r o f t h e i s l a n d , g o t o w w w. d i e s e l . c o m

THE DREAM
All countries are f***ed up. With capital asterisks. Some of them, beyond hope. Now, what would it be like to start a nation from scratch? To take whats great from the countries we know and to ditch what is bad. To re-write the laws. To right social wrongs. To apply the principles of Stupid to a new land, free from the dumb laws and regulations that we dont even question anymore. A new and better society. Theres no stupider idea than this. We had two options: to conquer an island by invading and killing its natives (like other countries did and still do), or to offer them money for it. Well, Diesel has high moral values, and you wouldnt believe the price of weapons these days, so it was an easy choice. Then, we needed to give it a name. And after months and months of thinking, we came up with a highly original & utterly unexpected name: Diesel Island. The real land of the Stupid and home of the Brave.

THE BIRTH OF A NATION

Filled with hopes, aspirations, a few suitcases with really cool clothing, and quite a bit of cash, the pioneers arrived at Diesel Island to form a new nation. There was a slight problem because the island belongs to another country, but as long as their military doesnt find out that weve declared independence, well be fine.

Pioneers arrived in Diesel Island seeking refuge from tyrannical regimes, economic crisis, political corruption and reality shows. A new nation was born.

D I E S E L I S L A N D S F L A G WA S C R E A T E D F R O M T H R E E PA I R S O F J E A N S P U T T O G E T H E R , IN ORDER TO REPRESENT DIFFERENT KINDS O F P E O P L E C O E X I S T I N G I N P E R F E C T H A R M O N Y. (A beautiful metaphor that we always have to explain because otherwise nobody gets it.)

The least fucked up country

in the world. But give us time.

LIFE ON THE ISLAND

I N A L A N D FA R , FA R AWA Y F R O M T H E H O U S I N G C R I S I S

G E N D E R E Q U A L I T Y I S L AW O N D I E S E L I S L A N D . W O M E N A R E PA I D E X A C T LY T H E S A M E A S M E N . (And they both enjoy maternity leave as well.)

THERES NO CENSORSHIP ON DIESEL ISL AND, S O B L O G G E R S C A N W R I T E W H A T E V E R T H E Y WA N T. (This may change when internet access is finally installed on the island.)

PICTURED HERE IS THE MONUMENT T O T H E V E R Y F I R S T PA I R O F S H O E S T H A T E V E R SET FOOT ON DIESEL ISL AND. WHY THEY WERE HONORED WITH A MONUMENT IS BEYOND US.

DIESEL ISLANDS NATIONAL ANTHEM

This is the land of the Stupid, This is the land of the Brave. And our hearts rejoice to know That were the least fucked up country of all. Japan, they work too hard, Nigeria is too corrupt, Greece has gone bankrupt, We are the least fucked up country of all. The French are a little bit arsey, While Australias too laid back, Its too hot in Ecuador, We are the least fucked up country of all. Italy too much pasta, Jamaica too much rasta, Sweden is way too cold, We are the least fucked up country of all. China is overpopulated, Junk food in the USA, Venezuela may start a war, We are the least fucked up country of all. Diesel Island, Diesel Island The place the Stupid and the Brave Call home. Diesel Islands anthem is being updated constantly. Write your own verses at www.diesel.com

THE PIONEERS SING THE ANTHEM WITH A HAND ON THEIR HE ARTS T O M A K E S U R E E V E R Y B O DY N O T I C E S H OW C O O L T H E I R WA T C H E S A R E .

SOCIAL ISSUES

DIESEL ISL ANDS POLICY T O END RELIGIOUS HATE: MAKING EVERY RELIGIOUS HOLIDAY NON-WORKING FOR ALL.

DIESEL ISLANDS NON-WORKING

1 5 6

HOLIDAYS CALENDAR 2011

1 2 2 -20 3 6 7 8 9 13 17 19 20
Equinox

JANUARY
Mary, Mother of God - Catholic Christian Feast of St Basil - Orthodox Christian Gantan-sai (New Year) - Shinto Twelfth Night - Christian Guru Gobindh Singh birthday - Sikh Epiphany - Christian Feast of the Theophany - Orthodox Christian Dia de Reyes - Hispanic Christian Nativity of Christ - Armenian Orthodox Christian Nativity of Christ - Orthodox Christian Baptism of the Lord Jesus - Christian Maghi - Sikh World Religion Day - Bahai Blessing of the Animals - Hispanic Catholic Christian Mahayana New Year - Buddhist Tu Bshvat - Jewish Timkat - Ethiopian Orthodox Christian Conversion of Saint Paul - Christian

2 3 6 8 14 15 18 -25 24 26- March 1 27

FEBRUARY
Candlemas - Christian Presentation of Christ in the Temple Imbolc - Lughnassad - Wicca / Pagan Setsubun-sai - Shinto Chinese New Year - Confucian, Daoist, Buddhist Four Chaplains Sunday - Interfaith Triodion begins - Orthodox Christian Vasant Panchami - Hindu Saint Valentines Day - Christian Nirvana Day - Buddhism - Jain Mawlid an Nabi - Islam Week of Prayer for Christian Unity - Christian Saint Matthew, Apostle and Evangelist - Christian Intercalary Days - Bahai Meatfare Sunday - Orthodox Christian

MARCH
Saint David of Wales - Christian Four Chaplains Sunday - Christian/Jewish Interfaith Nineteen Day Fast - Bahai Maha Shivaratri - Hindu Cheesefare Sunday - Orthodox Christian Transguration Sunday - Christian Clean Monday - Great Lent begins - Orthodox Christian Shrove Tuesday - Christian Ash Wednesday - Lent begins - Christian Orthodox Sunday - Orthodox Christian Birthday of L. Ron Hubbard - Scientology St Patricks Day - Christian Magha Puja Day - Buddhist Saint Josephs Day - Christian Purim - Jewish Ostara -Wicca / Pagan northern hemisphere Mabon -Wicca / Pagan southern hemisphere Holi - Hindu Hola Mohalla - Sikh Norouz (New Year) - Persian/Zoroastrian Naw Ruz (New Year) - Bahai Annunciation of the Blessed Virgin Mary - Christian Khordad Sal (Birth of Prophet Zaranhushtra) - Zoroastrian

7 9 13 16 17 19 -21 20 19 25

21 4 4-12 5 12 14 16 17 18 -21 18 19 -26 21 22 23 24 29 30

APRIL
New Year - Hindu Ramayana - Hindu Qingming - Chinese traditional Ramanavami - Hindu Baisakhi - Sikh Lazarus Saturday - Orthodox Christian Palm / Passion Sunday - Christian Mahavir Jayanti - Jain Theravadin New Year - Buddhist Lords Evening Meal - Jehovahs Witness Christian Hanuman Jayanti - Hindu Pesach (Passover) - Jewish First Day of Ridvan - Bahai Maundy Thursday - Christian Good (Holy) Friday - All Christians Black Saturday - Christian St. George Day - Christian Easter - All Christians Ninth Day of Ridvan - Bahai St. James the Great Day - Orthodox Christian

1 2 5 9 17 22 23 29

MAY
Yom HaShoah - Jewish Beltane - Samhain - Wicca/Pagan Twelfth Day of Ridvan - Bahai National Day of Prayer - Interfaith USA Yom HaAtzmaut - Jewish Buddha Day - Visakha Puja - Buddhist Lag BOmer - Jewish Declaration of the Bab - Bahai Ascension of Bahaullah - Bahai

25 28

2 8-9 9 10 12 16 19

JUNE
Ascensionof Christ - Orthodox Christian Ascension of Jesus - Christian Shavuot - Jewish Saint Columba of Iona - Celtic Christian All Saints - Orthodox Christian Pentecost - Christian Guru Arjan Dev martyrdom - Sikh All Saints - OrthodoxChristian New Church Day - Swedenborgian Christian Trinity Sunday - Christian Timkat - Ethiopian Orthodox Christian First Nations Day- Canadian Native People Litha - Wicca / Pagan northern hemisphere Yule - Wicca / Pagan southern hemisphere Corpus Christi- Catholic Christian Lailat al Miraj - Islam Saints Peter and Paul - Christian

21 Solstice 23 28 29

1 9 11 15 13 -16 24 23 25

JULY
Sacred Heart of Jesus - Catholic Christian Martyrdom of the Bab * - Bahai Saint Benedict Day - Catholic Christian Lailat al Baraah - Islam Asalha Puja Day - Buddhist Saint Vladimir Day - Christian Ulambana - Japan Buddhist Pioneer Day - Mormon Christian Birthday of Emperor Haili Selassi I - Rastafari St. James the Great Day - Christian

1 2 6 7 9 13 13 -15 15 22 26 29 31

AUGUST
Lammas - Christian Fast in honor of Holy Mother of Lord Jesus Ramadan begins - Islam Lughnassad - Imbolc - Wicca / Pagan Transguration of the Lord - Orthodox Christian Laylat al Kadr - Islam Tisha BAv - Jewish Raksha Bandhan - Hindu Obon - Shinto Assumption of Blessed Virgin Mary Dormition of the Theotokos - Orthodox Christian Krisha Janmashtami - Hindu Lailat al Kadr - Islam Beheading of John the Baptist - Christian Eid al Fitr - Islam

1 2 -10 8 14 23 Equinox 27 28 -Oct 5 29 -30 29

SEPTEMBER
Ganesh Chaturthi - Hindu Ecclesiastical New Year - Orthodox Christian Paryushana Parva - Jain Nativity of Mary - Christian Elevation of the Life Giving Cross - Holy Cross Day - Christian Mabon - Wicca/Pagan northern hemisphere Ostara - Wicca/Pagan southern hemisphere Meskel - Ethiopian Orthodox Christian Navaratri - Hindu Rosh Hashanah - Jewish Michael and All Angels - Christian

4 5 6 8 10 20 21 22 24 -28 26 28 30 31

OCTOBER
St Francis Day - Catholic Christian Waqf al Arafa - Hajj Day - Islam Dasera - Hindu Yom Kippur - Jewish Thanksgiving - Interfaith - Canada Sukkot - Jewish Birth of the Bb - Bahai Shemini Atzeret - Jewish Installation of Scriptures as Guru Granth - Sikh Simhat Torah - Jewish New Year - Jain Deepavali Hindu Diwali - Jain - Hindu - Sikh Milvian Bridge Day - Christian Reformation Day - Protestant Christian All Hallows Eve - Christian

1 2 4 -7 6 10 12 15 20 24 26 27 30

NOVEMBER
All Saints Day - Christian Samhain - Beltane - Wicca/Pagan All Souls Day - Catholic Christian Hajj - Islam Eid al Adha - Islam Guru Nanak Dev Sahib birthday - Sikh Birth of Bahaullah - Bahai Nativity Fast begins through Dec. 24 Christ the King - Christian Thanksgiving - Interfaith Gkuru Tegh Bahadur Martyrdom - Sikh Day of Covenant - Bahai Hijra - New Year - Islam First Sunday of Advent - Christian Saint Andrews Day- Christian

5 6 8 12 16 21 -28 22 25 26 28 30 31
solstice

DECEMBER
Ashura - Islam Saint Nicholas Day - Christian Bodhi Day (Rohatsu) - Buddhism Immaculate Conception - Catholic Christian Feast day - Our Lady of Guadalupe - Catholic Christian Posadas Navidenas through Dec. 15 - Christian Hanukkah - Jewish Yule - Christian Yule - Wicca / Pagan northern hemisphere Litha - Wicca / Pagan southern hemisphere Christmas - Christian Feast of the Nativity - Orthodox Christian Zarathosht Diso (Death of Prophet Zarathushtra) - Zoroastrian Saint Stephen, Deacon and Martyr - Christian Holy Innocents - Christian Feast of the Holy Family - Catholic Christian Watch Night - Christian

Propose your own non-working

holiday at www.diesel.com

D I E S E L I S L A N D S H E A LT H C A R E M A K E S Y O U WA I T T O O . BU T T H E WA T C H E S A R E AW E S O M E .

S H E L L S M A Y O N LY C O N N E C T P I O N E E R S WITH THE SOUND OF THE SE A. BUT AT LE AST T H E Y R E N O T O V E RC H A R G E D F O R I T.

DIESEL ISLANDS
ON MARRIAGE: Any kind of marriage is approved by law. Bachelor parties are even more approved. ON INTELLECTUAL RIGHTS: Everyone is free to download whatever shit they want on the island. However, theres no internet connection yet. ON INDUSTRY REGUL ATIONS: All monopolies are forbidden on Diesel Island, with the exception of the fashion industry. ON MONEY: The Mohawk is Diesel Islands official currency. The exchange rate varies according to which stock market crashes next. ON GENDER EQUALIT Y: Men & women are equal under the law. Bathroom showers are also to be shared.

BILL OF RIGHTS
ON BEARING ARMS: Citizens have the right to bear two arms. Two legs too. Two heads, not so sure. ON EDUCATION: All citizens have the right to public college education, in order to get laid and throw mindless parties. ON TAXES: All Diesel Island products are taxi-free. This means that when a citizen buys a product, he or she wont get a taxi with their purchase. Just the product. ON HUMAN RIGHTS: There will be no torture. Unless it can be safely covered up. ON PROPERT Y: Every family has the right to a decent home, a decent mortgage and a decent foreclosure should they fail to pay the bank back.

Become a citizen and write your own laws at www.diesel.com

GOVERNMENT

INSPIRED BY SOME OF THE WORLDS MOST P OW E R F U L C O U N T R I E S , D I E S E L I S L A N D P I O N E E R S ELECTED AS THEIR PRESIDENT THE PERSON M O S T L I K E LY T O B E I N V O LV E D I N A S E X U A L S C A N D A L .

Anyone can be president of Diesel Island for one day.

Become a candidate and vote at www.diesel.com

S I N C E C O M M U N I S M A N D C A P I TA L I S M B O T H FA I L E D , WE WONT ADOPT ANY SYSTEM ENDING IN ISM.

DEMOCRACY ON DIESEL ISL AND

It was a woman who came up with this innovative way to govern. She said: As minister of Social Affairs, my goal is to listen to everyones needs, even of those who think differently. I may not fully agree with it, but I wont deny that baaaaaaa is a thoughtful and provoking opinion.

T H E O N LY I N C O N V E N I E N T L E A K S D I E S E L I S L A N D S GOVERNMENT HAS T O DE AL WITH ARE THE ONES IN THE ROOFS OF THE HOUSES WHEN IT RAINS.

D I E S E L I S L A N D S P O L I T I C I A N S A R E H O N E S T. T H E Y S T E A L M O N E Y BU T T H E Y D O N T D E N Y I T.

DIESEL ISL ANDS QUEEN DOESNT DO ANYTHING EITHER. BU T A T L E A S T S H E L O O K S H O T.

T H E D I E S E L I S L A N D A R M Y P R E PA R I N G F O R B A T T L E . (Against Costa Rica, the only country in the world without an army.)

HOMELAND SECURITY
Diesel Island border officers will warmly welcome any illegal immigrants. (With open arms and the jobs nobody else wants to do.)

D I E S E L I S L A N D S N AV Y D U R I N G A M I L I TA R Y E X E RC I S E I N T H E PA C I F I C TO TEST BOMBS.

S U S P I C I O U S PA C K A G E S N E V E R G O U N D E T E C T E D BY OUR VIGIL ANT BORDER OFFICERS.

D I E S E L I S L A N D S B O R D E R WA L L PREVENTS ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS FROM WA L K I N G I N T O O U R T E R R I T O R Y. (Theyll have to jump in, instead.)

INDUSTRY

D I E S E L I S L A N D P I O N E E R S , O N E M I N U T E E XC I T E D ABOUT FINDING 1 OUNCE OF OIL, THE NEXT W ORRIED ABOUT THE POSSIBILIT Y O F A N I N V A S I O N B Y A P OW E R F U L C O U N T R Y.

DIESEL ISL AND IS THE WORLDS L A R G E S T E X P O R T E R O F S E X U A L E N E R G Y. (Alternative, but not always clean.)

We had sex here.

We had sex here.

We had sex here.

We had sex here.

We had sex here.

We had sex here.

S U S TA I NA B I L I T Y

I N O R D E R T O S AV E WA T E R , D I E S E L I S L A N D P I O N E E R S S H OW E R I N G R O U P S .

THE PIONEERS ARE SELF-SUFFICIENT O R G A N I C FA R M E R S . (But they still order take-out from the neighboring country on Friday nights.)

I N L I G H T O F G L O B A L WA R M I N G , D I E S E L I S L A N D E R S E X P E R I M E N T W I T H N E W F O R M S O F S U S TA I N A B L E T R A N S P O R TA T I O N , L I K E T H E W I N D - P OW E R E D C A R .

(If it works, well start exporting it to flooded countries.)

BECOME A DIESEL ISLAND CITIZEN!

Diesel is creating a new and better nation. Join the cause and become a citizen. Fill in the citizenship application form in the next page or go to www.diesel.com. We trust you will.

Dear UN: Please accept Diesel Island as a nation. We know its uncommon for diplomats to dress as terribly cool as we do, but just because nobody here wears a suit, it doesnt mean were not a serious country. Thinking that would be too judgmental from your part and unacceptable, and wed have to sue you. So dont make us go there. Keep in mind that most of the countries youve accepted as members have ruined the world, whereas we are here to make it better. If you dont believe us, send someone over to see for themselves what Diesel Island is like. If you do send someone over, please kindly ask them not to invent any lies about our nuclear capabilities or financial statements.

Sincerely, Diesel Island President.

Sign our petition for independence at www.diesel.com

EVERY DIESEL ST ORE IN THE W ORLD IS AN OFFICIAL EMBASSY. Find the nearest at www.diesel.com/store-locator
Argentina Australia Austria Azerbaijan Bahrain Belgium Brazil Canada Chile China Colombia Costa Rica Croatia Czech Republic Denmark Dominican Republic Ecuador Finland France Germany Greece Guatemala Hong Kong India Iran Israel Italy Japan Kuwait Lebanon Luxembourg Macau Malta Mauritius Mexico Morocco Netherlands Norway Panama Paraguay Philippines Poland Portugal Qatar Romania Russia Saudi Arabia Serbia Singapore South Africa South Korea Spain Sweden Switzerland Taiwan Thailand Turkey UAE UK USA

DIESEL ISLANDS OFFICIAL EMBASSIES