MY STORY

*Please don't be offended by my opinions in the following document, it’s not an

attack towards anyone.

I came from a violent home, (drugs, alcohol, gun shots, being

chased with knives, people thrown thru picture pane windows), in
fact I was born three months early because my father kicked my
mother in the stomach, and I weighed two pounds nine ounces.

As early as 7yrs old I was out on the streets till 3-4am, I was put in
three orphanages... once my father snuck into our house, he put a
loaded pistol in my hand and told me too shoot my sisters and my
mother, it was crazy. Thru all of this, (which I wouldn't change), I
came out a fairly normal kid, I was involved in sports and didn't
do drugs, or drink. I thought I was a survivor, wanting only too
make it thru another day.

At age 16 (in 1974) I started too sense a need in my life, an

emptiness that I couldn't explain. I knew I had too find God/Jesus,
but who was HE? I had no idea where too find HIM, so I went to
the local library to find books concerning world religions, God, and
the occult. At the library I met an ex hippie (Gary Osborn) he saw
my books and decided too share the message with me. Gary
invited me to pray in the back of his V.W. so I did, I remember
saying "God forgive me for my sins, and whatever you have for
me I want it all".

Well at first nothing happened I expected, lightening or

something. Gary said, "Just go home and praise God" I said,
"What’s that, mean" Gary said, "Just thank him" So I did just that.

The remaining is sacred to me, before I asked Jesus into my heart,

I never heard voices, I never drank, and I never did drugs, but one
week after meeting Jesus while in the middle of my last class
(during high school) A voice, just as clear, as someone standing
next too you, spoke, and as the voice spoke it said to me, "rod tell
them about Jesus" I was surprised, but unafraid, I put my hand
over my mouth, since I didn't want anyone too think I was talking
too myself, I said (to whoever spoke too me) "I don't know what to
say" the voice said "don't be afraid, I'll give you the words to say"
To this day I don't remember my words, but I spoke too those kids
about Jesus and salvation, their mouths just dropped open and
then, class was over, I walked out of that room, feeling like I had
never felt before.

The next day was Saturday; I slept in the living room on an old
couch. When I woke it was early and I decided too turn on the TV,
to watch my favorite cartoon, the roadrunner.

As I sat there watching the TV, I got up and looked outside,

everything was so beautiful, (I never appreciated nature, I just
wanted too make it thru another day). BUT now it was so pretty, I
sat back down on the couch, and as I did I was somewhere else.

I was sitting at a long rough hewn table, to my right was God, the
father, I couldn't see him, to my left was Satan, him I could see
(he looked like a man only very big) then in front of me was Jesus,
three bowls appear, filled with what looked like porridge. Now the
father spoke and said Satan dismiss yourself, Satan stood and
screamed, then vanished. Three bites were taken out of the bowl.
Then all at once I was watching myself from a distance, walking
with Jesus up a grassy pathway. Jesus was speaking to me but
from a distance I couldn't hear him, I could see myself shaking my
head (like I understand) then thru my eyes I saw the house where
I had been sleeping.

I didn't know what had happened; I'd never experienced anything

like that, but I knew two things, I had too find a pastor to talk too,
and I KNEW GOD loved me and wanted something from me...my
total surrender, my life totally under his control, every second,
moment by moment, and I was consumed with this one desire, to
live too PLEASE HIM. Let me give you an example: When a friend
from school would come over and say, "Hey rod." "Let’s go to a
show" I'd say, "hold on." Then Id go in the bathroom and pray,
"Lord should I go?" Sometimes the Lord would say "go",
sometimes "no" At times He was silent, when this happened I
would look inside, to my heart, (Spirit), (see Colossians 3:15) if I
had peace I would go, If not, Id stay home.
As I practiced this new desire, (surrender), I noticed the voice of
the Lord became more frequent and clearer, (John 10:27). It
always had to agree with scripture. The word of the Lord will
always agree with the true meaning and / or the true
interpretation of scripture).

I new I needed to get a bible, I went to a bookstore and I got the

largest family bible Id ever seen, with pictures and everything. I
was so happy. That night the voice of the lord said, "Read
Matthew 5." I had to look in the contents; I didn't know where
Matthew was. When I found it and started too read, the words
became a ("Word of the Lord to me") they just jumped off the
page, they seemed to come alive, and they filled me, with hope,
love and peace. Now I knew God loved me, and my sins were
gone, I was forgiven...

As time passed I grew, sometimes Id walk into a busy office or

building (like a D.O.L) and the Lord would say go sit by that guy, I
would strike up a conversation, then say "you don't know me but
I'm a Christian and God is going too share with me about your
life" I don't mean simple things like "you have the flu" or
"Headaches", but deep, personal things that others couldn't know
or even guess. People would usually start to cry and ask "how did
you know?” I'd say "I didn't but God knew".

One of the best lessons from the Lord concerning trusting Him
happened like this; I was traveling from Philly to Atlantic city, I got
on the road, and started to hitch a ride, (it wasn't illegal at that
time) within one hour and twenty minuets I was in Atlantic city
(which was a one hour drive!) I got 4 different rides, as I stepped
into each vehicle I boldly proclaimed "Hi I'm a child of the King,
and God's going to bless you for picking me up!" God gave me
very personal details about each of those people and all but one
came to Christ.

When I got to Atlantic City, God said "Rod, when you get to the
prayer meeting tonight I want you to give all your money, to
Johnnie Diaz". I said "Lord that’s all I've got?" (About 300.00) God
replied; "you take care of your brothers and sisters in the Lord and
I'll take care of you." So upon arriving in Atlantic City, I secretly
gave all my money to Johnnie, (this was to cover something for
Johnnie that was very personal, so I know he didn't share this with
anyone).

That night I asked myself "how am I going to get back to work,

tomorrow? I didn't have a penny, not even enough for bus fare,
and in my spirit I knew I wasn't to hitch hike, but instead the Lord
wanted me on the bus. After sleeping that night and leaving the
brothers house the next day, (where the meeting had been held),
I started walking to the bus station. As I got closer and closer, I
was imagining, "is the drivers going to just “know” he’s suppose
to let me ride for free?" But as I approached the depot, a brother
named "Chicky" came out of his house and said "rod I think the
Lord wants me to give this to you." It was exactly what I needed
for bus fare!

This has been a short summary of my life, oh one more thing. Life
didn't continue this way for me, I ruined that. Should I confess the
most difficult thing in my life with you? After all we are strangers!
After living this way for sometime and seeing my life change, and
having peace beyond comprehension, I disobeyed the lord after
he spoke too me. I lived to obey him, it was my passion…I knew a
man, he was a believer, and his name was Bob Chorney. Bob was
like the father I never had. Bob is dead now, I loved him very
much, and we forgave one another.

One day I went to visit Bob, we talked and prayed for a while then
Bob said, "rod", "Paula is gone (Bob's wife). “Why don’t you go to
dinner with me"? Immediately the Lord spoke and said "rod don't
go" I said Bobby I can't go. He said "oh rod go with me ". I said
Bob I can't. I prayed back too the lord, in my mind saying "Lord it
will be alright, you know I don’t drink, I'll just eat something with
Bob" The Lord didn't reply. So we went. All was well until a brother
named Aggie Rodriguez, started to argue with Bob, I couldn't
watch, so I started to leave, as I went outside Bob said "Rod if
your going to walk you might as well walk all the way back too
Washington, and don't come back" OH the pain. Well the next
morning, Bob and Paula showed up, Bob said "rod forgive me I'm
so sorry", the Lord spoke instantly and said "rod forgive him, go
too him tell him it's ok and that you love him". I said "Lord I can't.
I won't, it hurts too bad".

Soon I left for Washington. My life, outside of God’s will, was

torture. No peace, no answers, sin in total control. Now years
later, I painfully confess that I don't live the surrendered life now.

Jean Nicholas Grou says, "God delights in two things, for a man
too know God and too know himself." I now know what I'm
capable of without him, living life for myself, Sinning, being
rebellious. I want to recommend a couple books that I discovered
a few years ago, the book is "Practicing the presence" BY
Lawrence and Labach, there are two versions this one is best and
includes Labach's testimony. "Hinds feet on High places" and "The
breaking of the outer man for the release of the spirit" By
Watchman Nee are very good also.

Now let me share some thoughts/opinions:

1).How do you describe this LIFE? As a Christian it's hard to do. As

I recall moments in my own life, I think of times of stillness, in the
midst of activity or in the quiet of night. The presence of His Spirit
was there, sometimes speaking other times He was silent, yet the
undeniable presence of His Spirit was so real. You couldn't
describe it too anyone else, sometimes he was so near, almost
physical, at other times He was, just felt, deep in your heart.

I could at times think, and He would answer. Sometimes the

answer was spoken, and at other times it was a still small voice in
my heart.

Sometimes I would see a person, and while looking at them, I

knew about them.

I recall the passion to tell others about him at any given moment,
looking for such an occasion never caring where I was, or who
was near by.
Constantly His Love moved over me in waves and yet it abode,
never departing. I would wake up in the middle of the night and
He was there, like a mother hen.

I remember the love for others that was not my own. I remember
feeling, and being, separate from the world yet still in its midst.

I recall not worrying about the kind of car I drove, or the condition
of my clothes, knowing that He was fully aware of all these things.

I recall being invited out for dinner with brothers, and thinking
(silently between myself and God), "Lord I don't have any money,
but I'm hungry" and then someone would say "hey rod I'll buy
ok?" Do you have days like this?

Do you remember days like this from your past? I believe this is
something no one can take from us. This is why WE MUST
EXPERIENCE GOD! Experiencing God is more important than the
scriptures! You see if you experience HIM then, Bible revelation
can be added to you. But if you don't experience HIM first then
Bible knowledge is just a compilation of facts, they are true, but
they don't have any place of reference, without HIM.

2).Most of my life, at least as far back as I can remember I've had

a desire and love for God/Jesus. As I've grown older, I've seen
many things in "Christendom", I've seen communes (come and go
in failure). I've seen myself and other brothers walk in their own
ways (you might call it backsliding), I've been hurt by supposed
brothers in Christ, I've seen TV preachers act cocky, and
ridiculous, I've seen people chase tithes and money, I've seen
people in big churches (faithful tithers) go without help while in
need, I've seen people chase their own kingdom and building
programs. I've seen people pretend to prophecy, knowing they
were not HEARING from HIM, (and in failure, excuse themselves
by saying they were practicing), I've seen names in lights (but not
Jesus name). I've seen people destroyed by the sheparding
movement. I've seen men of god after devoting their lives to "the
ministry" destroyed after a single mistake, instead of forgiven. On
and on I could go... So does any of the above remind you of the
book of acts or the first group of believers?

This is why I believe we must have and will have change. God is
not interested in a "body" with spot or wrinkle. As I searched
different churches, communities, and internet sites, I've come
across a hand full of people that have the essence/smell of life
and others who are just religious (relating to God only in their
learning and mind), yet I yearn for true brethren and their
fellowship, realizing that only God can cause these people to be
gathered together and revealed to one another, and have them
be in accord with one mind. Jesus may give the gift of eternal life
to some, that's His prerogative, but to say all people have the
same "experience/fellowship/love relationship" with Jesus or each
other is not correct. We see the difference in people (John, Peter,
Paul) and we see the same differences thru-out time, we see
times of revival (1900's, 1940's, 1970's) and in each of these
times we see tare and wheat together. We see a time of purity
and passion then a colder period, where men's hearts seem to
grow cold, and God becomes a forgotten memory.

In contrast we never see this in churches, they are always

attended by praying people, people arguing scriptures and
doctrine, yet hardly ever displaying life as we see in the same
revival periods. Yes I believe mercy, calls for a move of God again.

3).One more reason, I believe we need change is because the

gospel needs to be preached. We believe the gospel has been
preached, from the generosity of America, but I think this is only
true in very narrow windows of time (revival 1900's, 1940's,
1970's etc) and only by certain persons (who knew HIM). Then of
course there is the occasional believer who is submitted to the
(breathings) of the Spirit, this believer shares out of the reservoir
of undeniable life (the fellowship between this believer and the
Spirit). This bears fruit since it’s not just a message of words but
is accompanied by this fellowship and life. The preaching of the
gospel by religious folks just doesn't work! How could it, they are
not ambassadors of the very Spirit, since they refuse to give up
their life thru that act of ultimate (life giving) which is the
"surrender of self". The first century church in the New Testament
turned the world upside down in a short time NOT because of
their words alone but because of the LIFE residing IN them. This
was a spirit thing...NOT a mental thing, it wasn't an agreement
with certain doctrines or creeds, it wasn't from arguing the
scriptures, it wasn't from forming a new church or denomination,
they had and were living LIFE like Jesus 24/7 every moment of
each day, a life of submission, pleasing the father, a life defined
by others as "seeing they had been with Jesus". Being in his
presence and service, is the key, Paul called this being a love
slave, a life like Paul's multiplied thousands of times over will
"again" cause the world to SEE and HEAR the TRUE gospel.

4). In the 1860's 1900's 1940's 1960's we saw the beginning of

several moves of God upon people who were desperate to know
HIM. They found the one they were seeking for.

Then shortly after in each time period, (even in the new

testament) we see charlatans, hirelings move in among the sheep
of God, these men who really don't know the master teach
doctrines not from revelation via an intimate relationship. But
from the minds of others who were also like themselves, who
teach only from the tree of knowledge: From the mind of one man
to the mind of another, thereby polluting the little sheep and
convincing others, because the so-called doctrines of men are
believed by the masses also.

This is such a subtle thing that it can inhibit your walk, because
you’re not discipled but instead taught by men who have never
had an intimate walk with God. So as believers we must know Him
and find revelation that agrees with the scriptures, and or that
changes our understanding of the scriptures.

5). I often wonder how these spiritual things work...It's hard to

find answers sometimes since we are mortal. And often IF you are
like me, its hard to keep on believing that God can find a good
reason to go on loving me...
But as I look back...I see of course some differences, the late 60's
thru the mid 70's were a move of god, especially for the
young...We always see (under an anointing) god doing unusual
graceful things in the lives of people...Then it tapers off...Probably
so as not too be common and taken for granted by us.

So where does an experience in God begin? I have to believe (and

remember I'm limited by my mortality and limited knowledge so I
could be wrong), it starts with God putting a hunger in your
heart....Now if that hunger exists, and it sounds as though it does,
for you sound like a seeker...then

I would approach God in a simple fashion, (for me it was doing the

only thing I knew to do, I went to the Library to research books
about religion and god). then shortly after I prayed with Gary (see
testimony) I just knew in my heart that god wanted my whole life,
every thought belonged to him, SO I just started with my
thoughts, if I had a thought that came into my mind and it said
"give that person a bible" or "tell that person that you are a
Christian and that you will be praying for them" then I would
obey....

One day I told a Christian brother about this (thought stuff) and
how I judged my thoughts by the little knowledge I had of the
bible, and if my thoughts were agreeable (good things vs. evil)
then I would obey... This brother told me too keep on obeying
those thoughts as long as they agreed with scripture, and as I did
then the thoughts would go from just thoughts, too the voice of
the Lord, (my sheep know my voice) (sheep follow-they are
surrendered to their master), well just as this brother said, it did
indeed happen that way for me...So seek HIM and if you can do
today, what I can't seem to do (surrender with all your heart)...I'm
sure you will meet HIM, maybe in a different experience, but
never the less I'm sure His goal will be the same...To possess your
whole heart.

6). A Christian historian tells a true story about a peasant in the

1600's living under the rule of the Catholic Church. The peasant is
working the field and a cardinal and his procession go by, as they
approach the cardinal speaks to the peasant, about a new edict
from Rome. The cardinal quotes a verse of scripture; the peasant
replies that the cardinal quoted the verse incorrectly. The cardinal
says to the peasant "How would you know, being you are
unlearned and illiterate?" The peasant replies: "because the spirit
IN ME said you quoted it wrong"!

How true this is, if we only have the book and don't hear that still
small voice on the inside, from the throne of our heart the center
of HIS kingdom! Then I fear we miss the most important piece of
intimacy, yet HIS Word and HIS scriptures work together, one a
current guide for us THE NOW and the other, which can still speak
but was spoken to another hundreds of years ago, serves as a
foundation. But We live by breath, and the words that proceed
from the mouth of God, "My sheep know my voice" "for those who
are sons of God are led of the spirit of God".