Keep Your Marriage:: Sample Chapter

Sample Chapter
Keep Your Marriage:

What to Do When Your Spouse Says I dont love you anymore!
By Nancy Wasson, Ph.D. and Lee Hefner

Copyright 2011 Adesso Media All Rights Reserved www.KeepYourMarriage.com
Keep Your Marriage: What to Do When Your Spouse Says I dont love you anymore! -- Sample Chapter
Greetings
Were glad to meet you. Thank you for downloading this sample chapter of our book, Keep Your Marriage: What to Do When Your Spouse Says I dont love you anymore! Feel free to share this with your friends and family, also. We hope that you will find this information helpful in taking the first steps to save your marriage. Your goals boil down to doing two things: keeping your marriage together and improving it. You wont have the first thing without the other for very long. The very fact that your spouse made an announcement has upset the status quo. The statement, I dont love you anymore has challenged you to do something differently in your marriage. Otherwise you risk losing it. What you have before you is a great opportunity to become the bridge to a new marriage. Its also an opportunity to discover inner strength you may not have known you had and to deepen your faith and commitment to your marriage. If theres one idea wed like you to take away with you today, its the idea that small steps lead to great progress. And if you can take small steps toward improvement in yourself, that just might be enough to change the dynamics between you and your spouse. May the spirit of love bless your life in every way.
With Compassion and Love, Nancy Wasson and Lee Hefner
1 Copyright 2011 Adesso Media, All Rights Reserved To Purchase the Entire Book go to www.KeepYourMarriage.com
Introduction
Please help us, Dr. Wasson, pleaded Tony, the man sitting across from me during a counseling session. My wife Julie says she doesnt know if she really loves me or not. His voice cracked as he continued, She says that she loves me like a friend, but that she doesnt love me romantically anymore. She loves me, but she isnt IN love with me. That doesnt even make sense. I dont understand. Tony paused for a moment to wipe away the tears. I dont know how to handle this. Julie wants to move out for awhile until she can figure out how she feels. What should I do? ._______________________________________________________.
This anecdote is typical of Nancys experience with numerous couples in counseling through the years. Its a situation that drives many a spouse to misery and despair. Like Tony and Julie and so many others, are you a spouse who has been blindsided by an unhappy partner who suddenly announces, I dont love you anymore or Im leaving? Are you now wondering if you can save your marriage? With the words I dont love you anymore, a marriage can be split wide open, along with the heart of the mate who may not have suspected that anything was wrong. If this has just happened to you, you know the kind of heartbreak and devastating pain that were talking about. And since youre reading this book, our guess is that youre asking yourself Can my marriage be saved? In the midst of profound confusion, disbelief, and shock, spouses in this situation find that its impossible to think clearly. You may find that endless questions haunt you during every waking hour. What should you do next? What 2 Copyright 2011 Adesso Media, All Rights Reserved To Purchase the Entire Book go to www.KeepYourMarriage.com
Keep Your Marriage: What to Do When Your Spouse Says I dont love you anymore! -- Sample Chapter would be helpful? What would make things worse? Is there a chance that your spouse may have a change of heart? The answers to these questions are contained in this book. Well explain what steps to take next, which actions can be helpful and which actions you should avoid. And yes, a spouse can change her mindit happens all the time. No one can guarantee that youll be able to save your marriage. After all, no one, yourself included, can predict the intentions, thoughts or emotions of your spouse. But youll significantly increase the odds in your favor if you know what other individuals in your situation have done to successfully relight the marriage flame. It just makes good sense to have a well-thought-out game plan in place instead of panicking as you spin your wheels.
What Can You Do?
If youre a spouse interested in keeping and improving your relationship with your partner, this book was written for you. It is a compilation of principles and techniques designed for people who want to enjoy a harmonious marriage that can weather adversity. Many bewildered partners are at a loss on how they got into their precarious marital situation and, equally important, how to emerge from it intact. When a marriage is shaky, the ticking clock makes sound decisions and judgement imperative. Therefore it is important for you to understand what will help you create and maintain a quality relationship with your spouse so that you can optimize the time that you have. Even if just one of these methods for reconnecting with your unhappy mate works for you, it will be worth far more than the effort it will take you to read the pointers. And you may enjoy the benefits for years to come. With this book, we offer the possibility of a renewed and reinvigorated link with your significant other. It teaches you how to do five basic things: 3 Copyright 2011 Adesso Media, All Rights Reserved To Purchase the Entire Book go to www.KeepYourMarriage.com
Keep Your Marriage: What to Do When Your Spouse Says I dont love you anymore! -- Sample Chapter Survive the current crisis and buy time Eliminate behaviors that can drive your partner away Define what it is that you really want with and for your spouse. Lay the groundwork with your spouse so that you can connect better. Develop skills that will help you deepen the intimacy in your marriage.
The actions that you choose to take now in relating to and communicating with your spouse can directly affect whether or not she heads straight to divorce court or slows down enough to reconsider. Appendix A in the back of the book gives a summary of the ten action steps to take to keep your marriage. Even if you are dissatisfied and disheartened about your current relationship with your spouse, there is always hope. There are specific things we share in this book that you can do right now to impact the quality of your bond with your mate. By keeping positive and by taking constructive action, you are putting yourself in the best possible place for good things to happen for you and your husband or wife.
Keep Your Marriage: What to Do When Your Spouse Says I dont love you anymore! -- Sample Chapter SECTION I: Understand What Youre Dealing With
It is our desire to be happy, to be loved, and to have fulfilling lives. We all have high hopes at the beginning of our marriage. Didnt you? You probably got through the honeymoon phase of your marriage in relative bliss, and then life happened. People get caught up in work, conflicts, and fatigue. Couples drift apart for a multitude of reasons. And now, youve gotten some disturbing news from your spouse that lets you know your marriage is in jeopardy. Youre probably in shock. How do we know that? Since youre reading this page, youre probably like millions of troubled spouses every year who have been blindsided by a similar emotional ambush. And so youre asking yourself, How did my marriage get to this point? Perhaps theres something in your relationship that got off track that you cant quite put your finger on. Thats the aim of this section it starts out helping you deal with managing your confused emotions. Then well give you essential information thatll get you started getting a firm grasp of what to do to save your marriage. This is the first step toward relighting the flame of passion thats missing right now. And thats what you really want, isnt it? For now, just hang on, have faith, and keep on reading. Help is on the way.
CHAPTER 1: How Will You Handle This Challenge? Why Acceptance of the Situation Is Critical to Restoring Your Marriage
Security. In a marriage, the word connotes the emotional rewards of closeness and intimacy. It means not having to be alone. It can also represent freedom from financial crisis. You can feel secure from having a partner to be with, to do things with, and to share life with. And in contrast, when your marriage is threatened, it feels like your security is jeopardized in every area of your life. It can seem like the end of the world when a spouse says I dont love you anymore or Im leaving. Especially if you didnt see it coming. Youve probably found that the shock waves affect every aspect of your life, and now you may be wondering if you can keep your footing. Does it seem like your marriage is falling apart in front of your eyes, and there doesnt seem to be anything you can do to stop it? This and other reactions are common. There are many others like you whove experienced these same feelings. Their responses to the crisis vary from resignation, to despair, to anger, or to a desire to do anything to save the marriage. And their success in keeping their relationship is greatly influenced by the attitude they bring to the task. One of the most common difficulties that the surprised spouse has is to accept the partners feelings. You may say to your spouse, I cant believe you feel that way. After all Ive done for you! What about that vacation we just got back from? What about your favorite dinner I just treated you to? Often the blindsided partner will try to talk his mate out of having the feelings that have finally bubbled to the surface and now threaten the marriage. Such efforts to change the mind of the partner are futile and are destined to fail. Why? Because there is a history of unhappiness behind the words. And any argument, no matter how convincing, cannot change history. 6 Copyright 2011 Adesso Media, All Rights Reserved To Purchase the Entire Book go to www.KeepYourMarriage.com
Keep Your Marriage: What to Do When Your Spouse Says I dont love you anymore! -- Sample Chapter What Is Acceptance?
There was a tennis player on a college team whose coach had told her that her serve needed practice. But she refused to accept and act on the coachs feedback. Again, her coach implored her to work on her technique after she spiraled into a losing streak. Clearly, her career on the court would be short-lived unless she took her coachs advice to heart. Finally after losing another match to an archrival in a tournament, the coach issued an ultimatum. The player would either have to do what it took to improve or leave the team. This athlete finally came to accept what her problem was poor technique on her serves. Before that, shed been unwilling to do the necessary work to enhance her performance. But once she had accepted the situation as it was, she was able to move forward and improve her game. A marriage is much the same way. Sometimes one partner may ignore or minimize the feedback from the other for a time. This time may often stretch into years. And the frustration builds like pressure in a pressure cooker. Until finally a limit is passed and an ultimatum is issued. The offending spouse must change behavior or else the frustrated partner will leave the marriage. At this point, a history of dissatisfaction has built up on the side of the spouse threatening to leave. Whether the surprised partner considers the reasons given to be valid or not doesnt alter the fact that the unhappiness exists.
Accept the Situation for What It Is
The first thing the surprised spouse must do is accept the situation as a given. This doesnt mean he has to agree with his mates reasons. Nor does it necessarily mean accepting the partner at her word if she says that shes leaving.
Keep Your Marriage: What to Do When Your Spouse Says I dont love you anymore! -- Sample Chapter It does mean that he needs to accept the fact that his spouse is unhappy and has been unhappy for some time. If you can buy this description as fitting your situation, youve just made a positive step forward. Because you have to understand the dynamics of your present relationship before you can improve it. It means that emotional communication between you and your spouse has been faulty and she believes that you havent been meeting some of her basic needs. Perhaps youre thinking, But it doesnt make sense! I thought everything between us was at least O.K. And then she drops this bombshell on me. I dont understand. Of course you dont. But dont worry. In this book well help you get a grip on how to maximize your chances of saving your marriage and what steps to take to do it. And you need to accept your spouses discontent if you want to positively influence the disastrous turn your marriage is taking. Dont worry if you disagree with the reasons she gives you for being unhappy. Whatever you do, dont fall into the trap of arguing or telling her shes wrong. Her perception is her reality and is the basis for her feelings and the decisions she makes. So your first job is to understand what her perception of your relationship is. Marriage partners continuously give each other feedback on a variety of issues. But the success of the relationship will depend on the quality of the feedback and on the response to it. Communication between the two people must first be honest. But honest feedback that elicits an inadequate reply leads to frustration. At this point you may be thinking, Now you tell me this! But its too late. Hes about to walk out on me any day now, and youre lecturing me on communicating. We understand. One step at a time. Your job right now is to survive this initial emotional shock youve just experienced. Dont worry about tomorrow now. Well tell you how to get through today first.
Feel Your Feelings
The first thing youll have to do is to manage your emotions. Dont try to block or medicate them out. Some spouses resort to alcohol or drugs to numb themselves to the emotional pain. They dont want to feel the intense emotions of anger, despair or rejection that came with their partners announcement. Accept your feelings. Realize also that in spite of your spouses present unhappiness with your marriage, there very well could be a great opportunity not only to save the marriage but to make it better. You may not believe it now, but even painful and negative emotions can have a positive benefit if they lead to changes that improve your marriage and your life. Intense emotions can wash over you like a tidal wave. First the crest of the wave hits you and you are smashed by the tremendous pressure and weight of water above you. Eventually the wave subsides, but you have to survive the immediate impact first. You might feel nauseated, dizzy, helpless, and overwhelmed. Either you cant sleep or you find yourself sleeping more than usual. You might not be able to eat at all or you might gorge on everything in sight. The situation can feel unreal and disorienting. People who have sudden emotional shocks like this know what is happening on a literal level, but on another level it can seem that its happening to someone else. If you feel numb and too paralyzed to take action, dont worry about it for now. The crest of the wave is passing over you now and the worst of it will pass. Have faith that youll be O.K.
Blowing Up Wont Save Your Marriage
Nancy has seen clients throw a fit when they got the news from the unhappy spouse. But just as a raging bull can destroy a china shop, unleashed fury can irreparably ruin any chance of patching things up. Try to contain your reaction within bounds. Yes, thats easier said than done, but try not to blow up. Explosions never hold anything together. Especially in a marriage. And in spite of the intensity of your feelings, dont jump to any conclusion about what the future holds for your marriage. Its too soon to know. One thing is certain though. At this point nothing is etched in stone. Your spouses declaration of unhappiness is serious but it doesnt have to be the end of your relationship. It is, however, a wakeup call to you. It means that you have to take positive action if you dont want him to walk out the door. Sure, your emotions may run the gamut from anger to resignation. You might feel confused, anxious, fearful, sad, or despairing. Or you may find yourself consumed with rage and feel that your spouse has betrayed you. You may feel like a basket case with fluctuating emotions and wide swings in mood. You can feel all this. But know that theres still hope for you and dont give up now.
What To Do When Youre Feeling Overwhelmed.
One of the most challenging attitudes to maintain in time of crisis is also the most rewarding. It is captured in the Serenity Prayer as used by 12-step recovery groups: God, grant me the serenity to accept what I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. This prayer reminds us of the extent and limits of personal control. Dont sweat the things you cant change. Instead practice acceptance. Youll be amazed at the reward you get back in serenity. And then, focus on the things that are in your power to truly influence. This includes yourself your attitude about your marriage and your life and your motivation to take risks and get out of your comfort zone. The lesson for you is that you have some control over yourself and your reaction to events in your life. But you have no direct control over the thoughts and emotions of your spouse. And if you can accept things as they are now, youll be in a better position to change them for the better.
Whatever your unique reaction is, know that its normal to feel overwhelmed by a bevy of emotions. To take care of yourself, draw an imaginary circle around yourself and decide who you want to let into your intimate circle at this time. Put everything that you can on hold and pull in emotionally. Youll need all your strength and energy to focus on the crisis at hand.
How Are You Handling Your Marriage Crisis Right Now?
How do you act when something very valuable to you is threatened? If you dont know if you can save it, what do you do? Do you give up? Get angry? Get stuck in anxiety? We all react to shock and stress in different ways, depending on our unique personalities. Our actual reaction depends not on what happens to us. Rather we react based on our interpretation of what happens to us and what we believe it means. One mans wife might announce that she wants a divorce. His unconscious belief is that his wife is leaving him because he is inadequate and this means that hes not a good person. And therefore, hes not lovable or attractive. So he reacts with rage, because he feels threatened. Another husband might react with sympathy and concern for his wife. He might believe that the wife is under stress and needs emotional support. He asks himself if his excessive hours at the office have driven a wedge between them. He reaches out to her to try to reestablish a connection. These are two very different reactions. And each response will produce its own outcome in a marriage.
Dont Hasten a Result You Dont Want
Its important to realize that an extreme emotional reaction from you could push your spouse to leave the marriage. Dont blast him with questions. Dont overpower him with rage. Yes, you may feel justified to act in these ways. But be careful with behaviors that could shatter your chances for marital recovery. Chapter 4 has a more complete list of things you should never do if you want to keep your marriage. For now, just repeat to yourself Go slow and take it easy. 12 Copyright 2011 Adesso Media, All Rights Reserved To Purchase the Entire Book go to www.KeepYourMarriage.com
Keep Your Marriage: What to Do When Your Spouse Says I dont love you anymore! -- Sample Chapter Later in this book well cover ways you can be proactive if you want to keep your relationship with your spouse. For now, dont give up hope. Instead summon up the courage to face the situation and your fears. Confide in a counselor or a minister for emotional support. If you want to save your relationship, theres often a way. But meanwhile, make sure you dont blow your chances. Take comfort in the fact that well offer you many tools and techniques that will help you get through this difficult period.
Four Different Reactions to a Crisis Situation.
As you read this section, consider what the consequences of each of the following four reactions are. Doing so will help you decide which course to follow to give you the result that you want. If the choice you made initially is not helping your situation, its not too late to make a change.
1. Throw in the Towel Your initial response may be to look at your marriage as being like the broken Humpty Dumpty egg that splattered on the ground. In the nursery rhyme, nobody could put Humpty Dumpty back together again, and you may think this is the case with your marriage. A key question to ask yourself at this point is if, in your heart of hearts, you really feel that there are redeeming qualities in your relationship that, in spite of everything, are worth saving. If your answer is yes, then you have something to fight for. Maybe your spouse has betrayed you. Perhaps your pride is hurt, or you assume that your spouses mind is made up. Maybe youre upset, and in your anger or fear, you feel like cutting off the relationship. But if this is your response, you may be judging prematurely and missing the creative potential of the situation. Remember that while initial emotions often 13 Copyright 2011 Adesso Media, All Rights Reserved To Purchase the Entire Book go to www.KeepYourMarriage.com
Keep Your Marriage: What to Do When Your Spouse Says I dont love you anymore! -- Sample Chapter subside, a marriage ending in divorce usually has consequences that last a lifetime. This is especially true if children are involved. If there is anything good about your relationship with your spouse, wouldnt it make sense to explore ways to save it? Often pride is at stake when a husband or wife rushes to end the relationship, especially if the spouse has cheated. A sense of shame and embarrassment becomes a factor and clouds judgement. The wronged partner may especially feel pressured when friends or family find out what has happened and start giving advice. Yet, many times what appears broken or ruined can be transformed into something even better. And the situation can even be a catalyst for transforming yourself for the better as well. Dont give in to discouragement and despair too soon. If you do youll never know how things might have turned out. The what ifsWhat if we had really tried to make it work? or What if we had gone for counseling?will haunt you.
2. Ride and Rope em Cowboy Another initial response is to try to control the situation. You may try to lasso your partner by figuratively throwing a rope around her neck to keep her from leaving. You may see this as a contest of asserting your strength and control over your partner in order to win. But in this scenario, if one partner wins, the other must lose. And the loser will carry resentment that will come back to haunt the relationship. Instead a healthy, loving marriage has to be a win-win situation, instead of win-lose. One of the problems in your marriage if you think in terms of win-lose could be that your spouse feels like shes on the losing end too often. Out of the hundreds of couples who have sought marriage counseling from Nancy, control issues are one of the leading causes of conflict in a marriage. When this happens, one of the partners habitually tries to dictate how the other
Keep Your Marriage: What to Do When Your Spouse Says I dont love you anymore! -- Sample Chapter partner should act. Sometimes this pattern may last for years before the submissive partner rebels. When this happens, one more command from the controlling spouse to the unhappy partner simply does not work. Whats needed is a paradigm shift. You dont fix a problem with more of the same. Something has to change. Its true that only one partner is never solely to blame for marital difficulties. Marriage is a two-way street. For any relationship to improve, both partners will generally have to make some adjustments. Both people have to be willing to give and take. But its also true that you cant unilaterally dictate a happy marriage. If you are trying to control your spouse, you may use anger, threats, or verbal put-downs to try to get the upper hand. If that doesnt work, you may try to scare your spouse with proclamations such as, You wont be able to make it on your own or Youll never meet anyone who will love you as much as I do. But do you really want a spouse who stays in the marriage only because of fear and perceived weakness? Remember that old saying about winning the battle but losing the war? You dont want to win an argument in the short term if it costs you the marriage in the long term.
3. Declare Open War Your initial response to your marital crisis may have been to declare war on your spouse. If so, you have been ambushed by rage, resentment, bitterness, and a desire for revenge. You most likely have a strong sense of whats fair and whats not fair. When a spouse you trust doesnt play by the rules, you are outraged at the betrayal. You can even convince yourself that your partner deserves to be punished for his actions. Hearing the news that your partner wants to leave the marriage cuts deeply and blinds you to your own faults. What stands out to you are your spouses faults and weaknesses since youve known him. Now, added to all of these 15 Copyright 2011 Adesso Media, All Rights Reserved To Purchase the Entire Book go to www.KeepYourMarriage.com
Keep Your Marriage: What to Do When Your Spouse Says I dont love you anymore! -- Sample Chapter negatives, is the feeling you have that he has betrayed you in a deeply personal way. You feel that you dont deserve such treatment and that he is nothing but an ungrateful jerk. As a counselor, Nancy has observed numerous situations that escalated into open warfare in a relationship. When this happens, the outraged spouse badmouths her partner to anyone who will listen. She makes a concentrated effort to share his faults with as many family members, friends, neighbors, coworkers, and other acquaintances as possible. She may call her spouse every horrible name in the book as she continues on her mission to ruin his life. If you have chosen this reaction, you are in the process of killing any chance that your marriage can be repaired. You are also choosing to focus on your spouses shortcomings while you are unaware of your own. In addition, if you have children, you are creating emotional pain and suffering for them. And yet, if you are starting to understand that creating an enemy is counterproductive to wooing a lover, and if you have a sincere desire to change, there are steps you can take. The first step is to find an experienced counselor or psychologist and enter intensive therapy so that you can rein in your anger before you cause more devastation. The second step is to change your focus from dwelling on your spouses faults to carefully examining your own. Then, when you are in a calmer, more balanced and humble state, you can offer your sincere apologies to your spouse and to those you talked to about him. Can you repair the damage? It wont be easy, but theres no way to know for sure unless you try. One thing is for sure, though. If you dont change your destructive mentality, youre likely to repeat the same behavior in a future relationship. And this is a recipe for a string of failed relationships. Do you really want that?
4. Bounce Back Like a Rubber Ball This fourth response involves hardiness and resiliencethe ability to bounce back from adversity. In this scenario, at first you are thrown off balance like everybody else. Your emotions rage like a storm. But before long, you let the tempest subside. You are regrouping and putting resources in place that will help you make it through this unfamiliar, scary territory. You are frightened because youre facing the unknown. This is where you call up your hidden resources of courage. You feel fear but you muster the internal fortitude to face it. Its much easier to find that internal strength if you can reach out and find help that will make facing the situation easier. Resilient individuals dont hesitate to let others know when they need extra support. They accept assistance gracefully and gratefully, from whatever direction that support comes. Help can come in many forms. These resources may include supportive family members and friends, helpful neighbors, an understanding boss, kind coworkers, a trusted minister or therapist, inspirational books, comforting music, or even a neighborhood gym. Assistance often comes from unexpected directions if you are open to receiving it. If you decide to react to your marriage crisis by becoming more resilient, then youll want to avoid people who are pessimistic, or at least limit the time you spend with them. Instead, you need to surround yourself with positive people who encourage and energize you. The last thing you need in your life right now is people who are predicting gloom and doom outcomes or who fan the fires of resentment and blame. A hallmark feature of resilient individuals is that if something doesnt work out the way they expect it to, theyre flexible and will come up with another plan. They know that there are always different avenues to take.
Keep Your Marriage: What to Do When Your Spouse Says I dont love you anymore! -- Sample Chapter To develop a more resilient attitude, adopt as your motto, If theres a way to do this, Ill find it. Start thinking of yourself as an emotionally hardy person who can rebound from lifes unexpected blows, no matter what happens.
How You Choose to React Is Up to You.
Its up to you to decide which of these approaches you want to follow. If youve chosen a response but youre not happy with the results youre getting, you can choose to change your situation. You dont have to stay stuck in a way of reacting that isnt working for you or helping your marriage. Its important to remember that you can choose to change your reaction anytime you decide to do so. Youre probably familiar with the saying, If you keep doing what youve always done, youll just get more of the same. You always have the opportunity to decide how you will react to a situation. If your first reaction is to give up, you can decide to take a different approach instead. If a painter doesnt like the colors he has initially picked, he paints over the canvas and selects different colors. A writer who doesnt like the story shes writing can decide to start a new story. So can you.
You Create Your Life Every Day
In one sense you are a writer. You are writing the script of your life each and every day with the decisions and the choices you make. And if you have the courage to face the truth and admit that what youve been doing has not given you the results you want, you can change yourself and your own actions. If youre willing to take responsibility for your behavior, the way will be paved for positive change in all of your relationships. One of the most powerful decisions that a spouse can make is to commit to taking responsibility for the quality of his relationship with his partner. 18 Copyright 2011 Adesso Media, All Rights Reserved To Purchase the Entire Book go to www.KeepYourMarriage.com
Keep Your Marriage: What to Do When Your Spouse Says I dont love you anymore! -- Sample Chapter We have seen spouses who were successful in developing strong rapport with their mates even after relations had been very stormy. We asked them how they kept feelings of hostility and bitterness towards their partners from getting in the way. The common response is captured in the saying, If its to be, its up to me. These people accepted responsibility for doing whatever it took to improve the connection with their spouse. For many partners, it has become too easy to focus on their mates imperfections. These partners are reluctant to take their share of responsibility for maintaining a strong connection with their spouse.
You Always Have Options
Viktor Frankl was a Jewish psychiatrist who, during World War II, was placed in a concentration camp by the Nazis. Frankl later wrote that the main factor that helped him survive the experience was the recognition that he alone controlled his attitude. Even when his captors tortured him, Frankl kept his mind focused on the outcome that he wanted rather than on the experience he was going through at the time. After the war, in his classic book, Mans Search for Meaning, Frankl described the basic choice that people have in determining how they react to events in their lives. The essence of what Frankl said was that no matter what happens, we always have options in how we choose to respond. So even when it doesnt seem that you have any options or control, you still have a choice about somethingthat is, how you react and what your attitude will be. In facing a marital crisis, most people go through tremendous emotional stress. When youre stressed, you become hypersensitive to what you perceive as negative or critical remarks from others, especially a spouse. In a nutshell, its very easy for your partner to push your buttons at these times. Weve heard people in this situation say, I try to keep my cool when I talk to her, but she 19 Copyright 2011 Adesso Media, All Rights Reserved To Purchase the Entire Book go to www.KeepYourMarriage.com
Keep Your Marriage: What to Do When Your Spouse Says I dont love you anymore! -- Sample Chapter makes me lose my temper. In actuality, no one else can make you lose your temper. That is your choice. The challenge when youre dealing with the conflict in your marriage, and the opportunity, is to realize that between the stimulus of your partners critical remarks and your angry response, theres a gap in which you can make a decision. You can decide to react defensively, or you can think about your future. Think about the stakeholders in your relationship yourself, your kids, and your spouse. Then take responsibility for how you act, and compose your response accordingly. The recommendations in this book will assist you in selecting an approach that will be helpful instead of harmful to your marriage. Keep an open mind as you read so that you dont automatically reject an idea that might be beneficial. Trust your intuition and inner wisdom to help you know the best steps for you to take at this time. And most importantly, keep hope and love alive even in the most despairing moments.
Quotes for Reflection: Stand up to your obstacles and do something about them. You will find that they havent half the strength you think they have. --Norman Vincent Peale Dont look back in anger, or forward in fear, but around in awareness. --James Thurber
I dont believe in pessimism. --Clint Eastwood I always entertain great hopes. --Robert Frost
If You Would Like to Learn More About the Complete Book And the Seven Bonuses Keep Your Marriage: What to Do When Your Spouse Says "I don't love you anymore!"
By Nancy Wasson, Ph.D., and Lee Hefner Don't Waste Your Time On Trial and Error Attempts To Save Your Marriage. Do what really works and take action IMMEDIATELY to develop deeper emotional ties with your spouse. Get concrete ideas, valuable insights, and specific suggestions you can use now.
Fantastic ideas for stopping your divorce Content is great and methods are extremely effectivewell worth it if you wish to learn how to stop divorce today." DivorceUnion.com Expert Independent Reviews of Divorce Stoppers
Click Here to Learn More About the Book and the Seven Free Bonuses: www.KeepYourMarriage.com

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Keep Your Marriage:: Sample Chapter

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Sample Chapter

Keep Your Marriage:

By Nancy Wasson, Ph.D. and Lee Hefner

With Compassion and Love, Nancy Wasson and Lee Hefner

What Can You Do?

Accept the Situation for What It Is

Feel Your Feelings

Blowing Up Wont Save Your Marriage

What To Do When Youre Feeling Overwhelmed.

How Are You Handling Your Marriage Crisis Right Now?

Dont Hasten a Result You Dont Want

Four Different Reactions to a Crisis Situation.

How You Choose to React Is Up to You.

You Create Your Life Every Day

You Always Have Options

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