Lesson 3: The Husband

Loving Our Wives as Christ Loves the Church

Homework

1. Read Christian Living in the Home, Ch. 4-6

2. Read 1 Peter (suggested)
3. Husband/Father Log List
4. Husbands, Memorize Eph. 5:25-29
5. Wives, help your husbands memorize!

Goals
✔ To understand the Husband's Role as Christ's Wife
✔ To Implement Christ-likeness in life and marriage.

I. Introduction
A. Marriage is not a game
B. Review of Trinity
C. Developing a heart attitude, habit, and mindset that is Christ-like
D. Put off/Put on review
E. Reading review

II. The Husband is first a Bride

Husbands, love your wives just as

Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her _______________________
to make her holy _______________________
(by) cleansing her _______________________
by the washing with water _______________________
through the word and _______________________
to present her to himself as a radiant church _______________________
without stain or wrinkle _______________________
or any other blemish _______________________
but holy and blameless _______________________

Ephesians 5:25-27 (NIV)

A. As Christians, husbands are Christ's bride

B. As Christ's Bride, we are

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 i. Loved sacrificially (v.25)

ii. Being sanctified in order to be presented to Christ holy and blameless (v.26-27)

iii. Fed and cared for (v. 29)

C. We must learn to do for our wives what Christ does for us.

D. Since our wives are Christ's Bride as well, Christ is loving them in the same way.

• If you are married to a non-believer, then your goal is her salvation, through a

gentle witness.

E. But Christ's main way of loving wives is through their husbands.

The Husband is the Wife's Main Agent of Redemption

III. Role Details

A. Servant-Leader/Shepherd (emulates God the Father)

i. Leading the family in humility and submission

ii. Being a good steward of the home and all the functions within it

iii. Vigilant to protect the wife from harm that may come through

• bad habits
• bad decisions
• bad teaching
• friends
• family
• media
• etc.
•
iv. Gently, kindly, compassionately

a) With a patient and prayerful demeanor

b) Without anger Col 3:19

• “embittered” Greek: ________________. Results from ____________ and

____________ ____________.

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 v. Understandingly 1Peter 3:7

Context for 1 Pet 3:7

Culturally:

Textually:

Husbands, ---> ___________________________________________________________

in the same way, ---> ___________________________________________________________

treat your wives . ---> Greek: __________________ __________________________________

with consideration ---> Greek: ___________________ __________________________________

as the weaker partners and ---> _____________________________________________________
show them honor ---> _____________________________________________________
as fellow heirs of the grace of life. ---> ________________________________________________
In this way nothing will hinder your prayers. ---> ____________________________________________________

(1 Pet 3:7, NETB)

How do we do this? (1 Peter 3:8-10)

a) Learning what pleases God in our words, actions, and attitudes.

b) Learning what motivates our wives

c) Considering those motives in every decision

d) Asking our wives to teach us about themselves

• Likes/dislikes
• Capabilities and limitations (physical, mental, skill)
• Her joys
• He challenges
• Her sorrows
• Her fears
• Her temptations

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 • Her physical and spiritual needs
• What communicates love to her
• What communicates indifference or dislike to her
• What encourages her/discourages her
(from The Exemplary Husband, by Stuart Scott, pg. 203)

e) Listening when they tell us!

f) Enjoying their differences

g) Considering them our equals.

h) Giving our wives honor (Proverbs 31:28-30)

• honor- _____________________________

• Tell her what she means to you and how thankful to God you are for her.
• Tell her specific things you appreciate about her or what she does. Focus on
her character.
• Speak kindly to her-the way in which you want to be spoken.
• Do not speak to her or treat her in a condescending way.
• Only say things to her that will build her up to others and when the two of
you are with others.
• Do not say things that will belittle her to others or when the two of you are
with others. Derogatory jokes and sarcasm are almost always dishonoring.
• Do not treat her as a lowly servant, but serve her instead.
(from The Exemplary Husband, Stuart Scott, pg. 204)

B. Student of Scripture (emulates God the Son)

i. Regular bible study

ii. Meditation on scripture

iii. Regular iron-sharpening

iv. Well-rounded study, rather than soap-box study

C. Teacher of Scripture (emulates God the Father, God the Son)

i. Of the facts of scripture

ii. Of the attitude of the Christ

iii. Of the faith of the Christ

iv. Of the character of Christ

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D. Provides for his wife (emulates God the Father) (1 Timothy 5:8)

i. Financially and materially

ii. Spiritually

iii. Emotionally

iv. Practically

E. Daily developing a character that is Christ-like (Emulates God the Son)

i. Purity of mind, body, soul (1 Timothy 1:5)

ii. Fruits of the Spirit (Rom 3:-5, Gal 5:22)

iii. Passion for the things of God (Psalm 119:2)

iv. Passion for the family, not merely ___________________.

F. Daily loves self-sacrificially (emulates God the Son) (Romans 6:12-14)

i. Giving up desires and wants

ii. Fulfilling needs of the wife

iii. Doing the dreaded (plunging toilets, cleaning hair out of drains, removing the dead

squirrels, cleaning the garage)

iv. Being focused on our wives' sanctification, rather than living as enjoyment-deprived.

“Thou hast seen the measure of obedience; now hear also the
measure of love. Do you wish your wife to obey you, as the Church is to
obey Christ? Then have a solicitude for her as Christ had for the Church
(Eph 5:23, “Himself the Saviour of the body”); and “if it be necessary to
give thy life for her, or to be cut in ten thousand pieces, or to endure any
other suffering whatever, do not refuse it; and if you suffer thus, not even
so do you do what Christ has done; for you indeed do so being already
united to her, but He did so for one that treated Him with aversion and
hatred.
As, therefore, He brought to His feet one that so treated Him, and
that even wantonly spurned Him, by much tenderness of regard, not by
threats, insults, and terror: so also do you act towards your wife, and
though you see her disdainful and wantonly wayward, you will be able to
bring her to your feet by much thoughtfulness for her, by love, by
kindness. For no bound is more sovereign in binding than such bonds,

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 especially in the case of husband and wife.
For one may constrain a servant by fear, though not even he is so
to be bound to you; for he may readily run away. But the companion of
your life, the mother of your children, the basis of all your joy, you ought
to bind to you, not by fear and threats, but by love and attachment”
[CHRYSOSTOM]i

G. Daily sanctifies his wife (emulates God the Son, God the Holy Spirit) (Eph 5:26)

i. Promoting her own bible study and prayer time

ii. Making time for her to spend with God

iii. Listening to her hurts, burdens, trials, etc. and applying the truth of scripture gently

iv. Praying for her

H. Daily is affectionate and intimate (emulates God the Father, God the Son) (1 Cor 7:1-8)

i. Affection is a physical confirmation of the spiritual and emotional reality

• Affection without gentleness, kindness, self-control, etc., is manipulation

ii. Physical intimacy (sex)

a) builds intimacy

b) but must be laid on a foundation of good husbanding

c) is a physical practice of all the characteristics of a biblical husband.

I. Submission to God (Emulates God the Son, God the Holy Spirit)

J. Glorifies God (Emulates God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit)

i. Recognizing the work of God when wife or children praise you

ii. Leads in worship

iii. Thanks God for the family

iv. Lives in the Grace of God

i. Jamieson, R., Fausset, A. R., Fausset, A. R., Brown, D., & Brown, D. (1997). A commentary, critical
and explanatory, on the Old and New Testaments. On spine: Critical and explanatory commentary.

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(Eph 5:25). Oak Harbor, WA: Logos Research Systems, Inc.

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