Behind the Walls of DID Differences between empathy and sympathy and understanding your loved one Authored

by Monica S. Ortega Empathy Dictionary.com: noun 1. the intellectual identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another. 2. the imaginative ascribing to an object, as a natural object or work of art, feel ings or attitudes present in oneself: By means of empathy, a great painting beco mes a mirror of the self. Merriam Dictionary: Empathy 2 : the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicarious ly experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully comm unicated in an objectively explicit manner; also: the capacity for this Yourdictionary.com: Noun: Empathy 1. the projection of one's own personality into the personality of another in order to understand the person better; ability to share in another's emotions , thoughts, or feelings 2. the projection of one's own personality into an object, with the attribu tion to the object of one's own emotions, responses, etc. Origin: < Gr empatheia, affection, passion < en-, in + pathos, feeling: used to transl. Ger einfhlung (< ein-, in + fhlung, feeling) Sympathy: 3. the fact or power of sharing the feelings of another, especially in sorrow or tr ouble; fellow feeling, compassion, or commiseration believe that empathy is something that a person experience while going through tough times. Empathy I don't feel is something that everyone may understand or r elate to based on the fact that we all have different backgrounds. I do believe that know matter how big the issue or how small the issue is we do have the unde rstanding as adults to have some type of care, concern, and compassion for our f ellow man. I believe we are all capable of listening and having some type of perspective o n any given situation. We are all capable of putting ourselves in the shoes of o ther's. Yes, many of us have skills we need to work on but with imagination, ope n-mindness, critical thinking and commitment to learning new things the human mi nd is capable of many, many things beyond our imaginations. Sometimes many of us are blinded by life situations, hardships, and life interceptions that can slow down or even stop our motivation, crippling our perceptions. This is where I be lieve empathy is so vital for the listener in order to keep the listenee in a st ate of motivational - mind and influence. Chapter 3 pg 2: Something triggers you to get out of bed each morning, to eat, to seek and maintain relationships, to run in a marathon. That something is motivatio n. Motivation influences the initiation, direction, intensity, and persistence o f behavior (Evans, 1989). It is the feeling or attitude of personal investment i n accomplishing a specific activity or goal (Krepps, 1991). Motivation explains the relationships between environmental stimuli and behavioral responses.

 Chapter 3 pg 4: Humanistic Theory: Humanistic theories stress that we are innate ly motivated to strive for a positive self-concept and the realization of our pe rsonal potential. These theories also emphasize the importance of psychological and cognitive components of motivation, while not discounting the role of biolog ical and external motivators. From the humanistic perspective, motivation is aff ected by how we perceive the world, how we think about ourselves and others, and beliefs about our abilities and skills. Without a supportive and encouraging en vironmentpersonal, social, and culturalthe motivation to strive toward ones highest potential could be jeopardized. Abraham Maslow (1970, 1971) I believe this would be something to sympathize over some of the humanistic theo ries because this is a realization that I believe many people struggle with, for an example sexual, physical, and verbal abuse. Yes, there are some who can empa thize with these subjects and there are more than we think that require sympathy and counsel. I don t believe sympathy is when you feel sorry for someone, it is when you hel p someone a step up on how they perceive things from a personal viewpoint, on ho w they think, and giving them something to believe in that we have learned for o urselves, to help them build their own abilities and skills. Which I am not goin g to lie takes patience, love, compassion, commitment, and confidence in the one that you choose to empathize and sympathize with. Sometimes and maybe most times I feel that family can tend to give up on their l oved ones out of frustration, tiredness and lack of understanding where understa nding is due. Especially when understanding is most desired, to be embraced as m uch, as possible by the individual who is mentally ill. Families also understan d that your loved one never asked to have this illness either. So being harsh or treating them as different can cause and have diverse and negative self - portrai ts of who they are, causing them to feel inferior and self- destructive. Family when you are frustrated and tired it is because the situation has become out of your hands and professional help is in order to help both sides cope and carry the load of the ill stricken patient. This would be called counsel or supp ort of an outside source. Please, understand it is just not where you drop your loved one off and then you leave for a break??? Come back and pick them up hopin g for this miraculous healing. Healing is where the heart is, and the heart is w here the home is. Is it maybe that the healing has never begun because the home has failed to be t he heart and comfort of the suffering and hurting individual. Instead of dealing with the problem it was easier to rid yourself of the problem by ridding yourse lf and your home of the individual you failed to understand or judged based on y our own beliefs and ways of seeing things through your eyes instead of the eyes of the hurting individual. Parents and families who adopt or foster abused children need to realize that ch ildren who are broken hearted dont just bounce back into life after tragic situat ions. Many times the child is so timid and scared about their own personal situa tion being known that they carry it into adult hood never dealing with it, decei ving the caretakers by acting normal just to avoid any confrontation regarding t heir past and history of abuse. Not realizing that the child now an adult can no longer hold in the past hurts a nd traumas of childhood which then festers into an out of control confused menta lly ill diagnosed person who now needs medicated treatments and days, months, or even years of counsel and therapy. My own personal experience has been to allow my own mental illness to sever my own interpersonal relationships between family and friends by building an invisible wall of comfort and protection from the outs ide world and my God. Most, commonly known as the shut everyone out version of nev

er wanting to experience anymore past, present or future hurting. So in the mind of the hurting soul this wall can in reality sever any healthy blood flow from l oved ones, when it is needed the most. This is far from the truth because in reality I am just trying to avoid facing t he realities of this world and dealing with the issues that have for so long imm obilized my growth as a child, little girl and teenage individual, as a wife and a mother and daughter and as a friend to many. My biggest fear as with so many others is trust because to trust someone is to have faith in that persons abilities to help you help yourself, which is by no means an easy task to do. Faith is lo yalty and fidelity to ones promises: sincerity of intentions without question, fa ith. This was the hardest thing for me to do in my entire life. Trust someone, you had to be kidding me. How could I trust someone with the most secret parts of my lif e, secrets that were always told to me with instilled fear that if I ever told a nybody that I would surely die or be killed. I am here today to stand up in fait h and in what little hope that I have left in me that whoever reads my words wou ld be encouraged to vicariously show compassion for the broken hearted both in s pirit and heart.

My name is Monica Sarah Ortega and I have (DID) which is Dissociative Identity Disorder (300.14) a modern day word for an old time mental illness called Mult iple Personality Disorder. I would like to dedicate this book to first my mother Elvira Villaescusa Martinez who did everything she could to love and protect us kids, Salvador Ramirez my bi g bro, (Me) Monica Sarah Ortega, my lil bro Mario L. Villaescusa, and the baby o f our family Alex Villaescusa.

The reason for this book is to mostly bring encouragement and hope to my brothers and myself and hopefully some type of closure to a life that know child ever de serves to live being physically, mentally, and sexually abused and tortured in m any ways that destroy the human heart, soul and mind. Not only that I wasnt the o nly victim of my life story so were my brothers. So no one can stand up and detest to me or my brothers that this was all a made u p fantasy world, but a world I am sure my brothers will never forget and who I a lso believe suffer from (DID) themselves, Bipolar, PTSD, Post Traumatic Stress D isorder in some way or some fashion of these types of mentally ill disorders due to the traumatic abuse of growing up with a father who relentlessly made our li ves a living hell. Out of respect to protect his name and the shame that came al ong with that name I shall leave it blank. I would also like to thank God for rescuing us from this man before any great po tential of death or harm had come to us physically, but cannot say the same for our emotional healings that seem to never endBrothers I love all of you very much and I believe a lot of the reason we are who we are today is because we were ne ver given the chance to live and grow in an encouraging, uplifting, stable home of encouragement full of love and positive nurturing. Mom, yeah she did the best she could but wasnt able to fully protect us as I am sure she wanted. I really c ouldnt imagine how when she was physically abused and beat up even before our eye s. I also believe that mom also suffered a mental illness similar to mine which unf ortunately she took her own life in the month of June 8, 1997, which was a devas tating blow to all of us.

Brothers you all know and may have use has done to me mentally. All my er for you guys, so, so hard. But I y own business as a youngster. This material.

a hard time understanding what this life of ab life I have worked so hard to keep it togeth cant anymore. I never did anything but mind m book will contain very explicit and verbal

Also, would like to begin by saying hello to my most precious daughter in the wo rld Breanna M. Ortega, and her father Homero Ortega. My dearest and loving fami ly, thank you my dear for putting up with your viejas illnesses I know that it wa s not easy for you or for Breanna, most of all for sticking by my side through it all. Also would like to thank God for never allowing me to accomplish my suic idal goals for there where many close calls. But God was there for each one and had it not been for Him I wouldnt be here now. Surely He has a plan for me and it is just not my time to go yet. Jeremiah 29:11-