This issue is prepared exclusively by the students of Groups 32-E & 34-E and is devoted to the

All Fools Day

How to become a millionaire
A woman was telling her friend, "It is I who made my husband a millionaire." "And what was he before you married him?" asked the friend. The woman replied, "A billionaire."

(International Day of Humor)

Contributed by Kate Babaryka (Gr. 32-E):

Why women love cats?

I've never understood why women love cats. Cats are independent, they don't listen, they don't come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, come home and expect to be fed and stroked, then want to be left alone and sleep. In other words, every quality that women hate in a man, they love in a cat.

Contributed by Oleksiy Nabokov (Gr. 34-E):

Irish Wife
At the 1998 World Women's Conference, the first speaker from England stood up: "At last year's conference we spoke about being more assertive with our husbands. Well after the conference I went home and told my husband that I would no longer cook for him and that he would have to do it himself. On the first day I saw nothing. On the second day I saw nothing. But on the third day I saw that he had cooked a wonderful roast lamb." The audience cheered. The second speaker from America stood up: "After last year's conference I went home and told my husband that I would no longer do his laundry and that he would have to do it himself. On the first day I saw nothing. On the second day I saw nothing. But on the third day I saw that he had done not only his own washing but my washing as well." The audience cheered. The third speaker from Ireland stood up: "After last year's conference I went home and told my husband that I would no longer do his shopping and that he would have to do it himself. On the first day I saw nothing. On the second day I saw nothing. But on the third day I was able to see a little bit with my left eye.

Contributed by Sasha Osypenko (Gr. 32-E):

Nervous Cabbie
A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window. For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!" The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much." The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver - I've been driving a hearse you know a funeral van for the last 25 years.

Heres some more cartoons:

Contributed by Oleksandr Petlin (Gr. 32-E):

A man is talking to God. Man: "God, how long is a million years?" God: "To me, it's about a minute." Man: "God, how much is a million dollars?" God: "To me it's a penny." Man: "God, may I have a penny?" God: "Wait a minute."

Contributed by Svitlana Nenyuk (Gr. 34-E):

Dark Humour
A man hasn't been feeling well, so he goes to his doctor for a complete checkup. After a performing a thorough examination and running multiple tests, the doctor comes out with the results. "I'm afraid I have some very bad news," says the doctor, "You're dying, and you don't have much time left." "Oh, that's terrible!"says the man, "How long have I got?" "Ten," the doctor says sadly. "Ten?" the man asks. "Ten what? Months? Weeks? Ten WHAT?" "Nine..."

Contributed by Oksana Bulakh (Gr. 32-E):

Driving Penguins Around

A man was driving down the road with twenty penguins in the back seat. The police stop him and say that he cant drive around with the penguins in the car and should take them to the zoo. The man agrees and drives off. The next day the same man is driving down the road with twenty penguins in the back and again he is stopped by the same police officer who says, Hey! I thought I told you to take those to the zoo. The man replies, I did. Today Im taking them to the movies. Contributed by Anna Datsyuk (Gr. 34-E):

Zoo Business
An American staying in London took his children to the zoo. The children liked the zoo very much. So approaching one of the keepers said:Say, man, take me along to your boss. I want to talk business with him. The keeper asked suspiciously: What business do you want to discuss? Well, explained the American, I want to buy your zoo for my kids. Nothing doing, but Ill tell you that we might buy your kids for our zoo. answered the keeper. Contributed by Svitlana Bilokrynytska (Gr. 34-E):

Hot Wheels
The parents bought their son a bicycle and were watching proudly as he rode around and around the block. On his first round he shouted: Look, Mom, no hands! The second time around: Look, Mom, no feet! At the third time: Look, Mom, no teeth!

Contributed by Svitlana Bilokrynytska

(Gr. 34-E):

Emergency!
A doctor receives a call from a man: My little son has swallowed my pen! The doctor said: Ill come at once. And what are you doing in the meantime? Im using my pencil, the man answered.

EDITORIAL
Contributed by Oleksiy Zabolotny (Editor-in-Chief)

A police officer receives a call from home: Honey, Billy has swallowed one of your gun cartridges! The officer replies: I am on my way! In the meantime, do NOT AIM him at ANYBODY!

Contributed by Oksana Bulakh (Gr. 32-E) [another one]:

Post-Op Complication
A man in hospital who had recently undergone a very complicated operation complained to the nurse about a bump on his head and a terrible headache. Since the operation had been an intestinal one, the nurse was worried about him suffering from post-operative shock. She reported it to the doctor, who said, Dont worry about him. Its not a complication. Its just that halfway through the operation we ran out of anesthetic.

EDITORIAL
Contributed by Oleksiy Zabolotny (Editor-in-Chief)

A FIRMLY FIXED PATIENT DOES NOT NEED ANESTHETIC

Contributed by Mykyta Salikhov (Gr. 34-E):

A fly in the soup

A man asked for a meal in a restaurant. The waiter brought the food and put it on the table. After a moment, the man called the waiter and said: "Waiter! Waiter! There's a fly in my soup!" "Please don't speak so loudly, sir," said the waiter, "or everyone will want one."

Punctuation
An English teacher wrote the following words on the whiteboard: "woman without her man is nothing". The teacher then asked the students to punctuate the words correctly. The men wrote: "Woman, without her man, is nothing." The women wrote: "Woman! Without her, man is nothing."