Hadith 101, or Islam for the Infidel

by Yashiko Sagamori

The agenda of Islam

In recent years, Moslems have succeeded in making their religion a focal point of interest bordering on anxiety for many non-Moslems, of whom most, until recently, hadn't even been curious about Islam. Such explosion of interest is well deserved since every single armed conflict that's going on today involves Moslems at least on one side of it, and every single act of terrorism that takes place anywhere in the world is inevitably perpetrated by Moslems. At the same time, export of Islam continues on an unprecedented scale. According to some statistics, Moslems today constitute 12% of all Europe's population, and it appears that the United States is following closely behind. In the face of the Islamic invasion, Westerners remain blissfully ignorant about Islam. Really, what do we know about it besides the fact that it has sponsored most mass murders of the last two decades? Not much. Following September 11, 2001, we've been reminded multiple times that Islam is a religion of love and piece, although the few excerpts from the Koran that have become widely known to the Western public suggest that the love of the Moslems is directed exclusively towards the faithful, while we, the infidels, are dealt with by ways of jihad a holy war whose goal is to free the world from our vile presence. It might seem that the best way to find the truth would be to study the Koran. The Koran however is not an easy reading. To understand it, one has to know the historical and cultural context within which the book emerged and evolved. The Torah, for example, demands death by stoning for homosexuals and commands Jews to treat strangers with compassion, remembering that they themselves used to be strangers in the land of Egypt. It would be impossible to correctly assess Judaism based on these two behests unless one knows which of them is still being obeyed. Fortunately for us, there is another source of knowledge about Islam: the Hadith. By no means an easy (or pleasant) reading, the Hadith is a collection of Muhammad's statements and deeds recorded from testimonies of those who were lucky to witness them. A complete, searchable English translation of the Hadith can be found at http://www.usc.edu/dept/MSA/reference/reference.html. The excerpts below are found on that website and reproduced exactly as they appear there, each little chapter quoted in its entirety, along with whatever typos are found in the original text. In many cases, the same act was recorded from the testimonies of several people or even from two or more statements made by the same person, and, as is often the case with witnesses, multiple accounts of the same event differ. For example: Volume Narrated 1, Book Ibn 4, Number 159: 'Abbas:

The

Prophet

performed

ablution

by

washing

the

body

parts

only

once. 160: Zaid:

Volume 1, Book 4, Number Narrated 'Abdullah bin The Prophet performed ablution by washing the body parts twice. In really important matters, however, witnesses agree:

Volume 4, Book 52, Number 176: Narrated 'Abdullah bin 'Umar: Allah's Apostle said, You (i.e. Muslims) will fight wi the Jews till some of them will hide behind stones. The stones will (betray them) saying, 'O 'Abdullah (i.e. slave of Allah)! There is a Jew hiding behind me; so kill him.' Volume 4, Book 52, Number 177: Narrated Abu Huraira: Allah's Apostle said, The Hour will not be established until you fight with the Jews, and the stone behind which a Jew will be hiding will say. O Muslim! There is a Jew hiding behind me, so kill him." Volume 4, Book 56, Number 791: Narrated 'Abdullah bin 'Umar: I heard Allah's Apostle saying, The Jews will fight with you, and you will be given victory over them so that a stone will say, 'O Muslim! There is a Jew behind me; kill him!' Jews are not the only people the Prophet dislikes: Volume 4, Book 52, Number 178: Narrated 'Amr bin Taghlib: The Prophet said, One of the portents of the Hour is that you will fight with people wearing shoes made of hair; and one of the portents of the Hour is that you will fight with broad-faced people whose faces will look like shields coated with leather. Volume 4, Book 52, Number 179: Narrated Abu Huraira: Allah's Apostle said, The Hour will not be established until you fight with the Turks; people with small eyes, red faces, and flat noses. Their faces will look like shields coated with leather. The Hour will not be established till you fight with people whose shoes are made of hair. Volume 4, Book 52, Number 180: Narrated Abu Huraira: The Prophet said, The Hour will not be established till you fight with people wearing shoes made of hair. And the Hour will not be established till you fight with people whose faces look like shields coated with leather. (Abu Huraira added, They will be) smalleyed, flat nosed, and their faces will look like shields coated with leather. ) Those who would like to know why Jerusalem that is never mentioned in the Koran is nevertheless so important for Islam can find the answer in the Hadith:

Volume 1, Book 4, Number 147: Narrated 'Abdullah bin 'Umar: People say, Whenever you sit for answering the call of nature, you should not face the Qibla or Bait-ulMaqdis (Jerusalem). I told them. "Once I went up the roof of our house and I saw Allah's Apostle answering the call of nature while sitting on two bricks facing Bait-ul-Maqdis (Jerusalem) (but there was a screen covering him. ' (FatehAl-Bari, Page 258, Vol. 1). Volume 1, Book 4, Number 151: Narrated 'Abdullah bin 'Umar: Once I went up the roof of our house and saw Allah's Apostle answering the call of nature while sitting over two bricks facing Bait-ul-Maqdis (Jerusalem). (See Hadith No. 147). Apparently, precision was not expected from one's aim: Volume 1, Book 4, Number 150: Narrated 'Abdullah bin 'Umar: I went up to the roof of Hafsa's house for some job and I saw Allah's Apostle answering the call of nature facing Sham (Syria, Jordan, Palestine and Lebanon regarded as one country) with his back towards the Qibla. (See Hadith No. 147). Of course, I am no prophet, but still I can't help picturing myself hurriedly climbing to the roof of my house to answer an urgent call of nature. I would probably like the spot next to the satellite dish: if I had something to hold on to, there would be fewer chances for my fear of heights to develop into some kind of an intestinal problem. And since I have no idea which way Bait-ul-Maqdis is from where I live, I would probably just turn away from the wind: safety first. On the other hand, my chances to eventually acquire my very own harem in heaven would immediately become much better: Volume 4, Book 52, Number 82: Narrated Abu Huraira: Allah's Apostle said, Five are regarded as martyrs: They are those who die because of plague, abdominal disease, drowning or a falling building etc., and the martyrs in Allah's Cause. Despite all the obvious drawbacks of such custom, I can easily see how it can bring whole neighborhoods together: just think of an early morning conversation with your next-door neighbors. And imagine the crowds on top of high-rise apartment buildings in cities! Or a conversation with an acquaintance you run into at a local supermarket: That's an awful lot of toilet paper you're buying! I am throwing a rooftop party tonight. Nature inevitably dictates equal rights for women: Volume 1, Book 4, Number 149: Narrated 'Aisha: The Prophet said to his wives, You are allowed to go out to answer the call of nature. It also provides some touching personal details, along with rather novel ways to become an Islamic scholar without spending years poring over boring, badly written books:

Volume 1, Book 4, Number 145: Narrated Ibn 'Abbas: Once the Prophet entered a lavatory and I placed water for his ablution. He asked, Who placed it? He was informed accordingly and so he said, O Allah! Make him (Ibn 'Abbas) a learned scholar in religion (Islam). Volume 1, Book 4, Number 152: Narrated Anas bin Malik: Whenever Allah's Apostle went to answer the call of nature, I along with another boy used to accompany him with a tumbler full of water. (Hisham commented, So that he might wash his private parts with it.) Volume 1, Book 4, Number 153: Narrated Anas: Whenever Allah's Apostle went to answer the call of nature, I along with another boy from us used to go behind him with a tumbler full of water. Volume 1, Book 4, Number 154: Narrated Anas bin Malik: Whenever Allah's Apostle went to answer the call of nature, I along with another boy used to carry a tumbler full of water (for cleaning the private parts) and an 'Anza (spearheaded stuck). A special attention is paid to matters of personal hygiene: Volume 1, Book 4, Number 162: Narrated Abu Huraira: The Prophet said, Whoever performs ablution should clean his nose with water by putting the water in it and then blowing it out, and whoever cleans his private parts with stones should do it with odd number of stones. Volume 1, Book 4, Number 163: Narrated Abu Huraira: Allah's Apostle said, If anyone of you performs ablution he should put water in his nose and then blow it out and whoever cleans his private parts with stones should do so with odd numbers. And whoever wakes up from his sleep should wash his hands before putting them in the water for ablution, because nobody knows where his hands were during sleep. Yes, stones are forever - unlike whatever the decadent West is using for the same purpose. Sometimes, the profundity of Prophet's observations seems truly stunning: Volume 1, Book 4, Number Narrated Ibn Allah's Apostle drank milk, rinsed his mouth and said, It has fat. 210: 'Abbas:

I doubt Jesus meant Moslems when He promised that the meek shall inherit the earth. Still, this must be the main reason why Moslems say they recognize Jesus as a prophet: it would be really hard to compete with the intellectual meekness so unselfconsciously displayed in the second most sacred text of Islam. I only quoted a few randomly picked samples. From the point

of view of an average person raised in a civilized part of our world, I find this obvious meekness responsible for the concept of jihad which, essentially, commands killing every man, woman, and child who is not willing to submit to the meek ones. Unlike the obsolete Jewish custom of stoning homosexuals, the idea of jihad is still pretty current all over the world: in Israel, in the downtown Manhattan, in Chechnya, among Moscow theater-goers, London subway riders, airline passengers all over the world - in every armed conflict, in every terrorist act, in virtually every mass murder. I strongly suggest that you learn more about Islam by navigating through the Hadith on your own. But please be prepared for a strong, lasting aftertaste.

November, 2002