STA RT H ERE

Are you Catholic?

NO (SEE NEXT PAGE)

Rosati-Kain

YES

NO

Are you one of 11 children?

NO

Are you a dude?

NO

Are your parents terried of letting you out in the city?

YES

YES

YES Are you empowered (intepreted by guys as hot)? NO BADA BING, BABY!

Bishop DuBourg

Are you now or plan to be the mayor?

YES

St. Marys

YES

Nerinx Hall

NO

Are you a jock?

NO

Do you think youre the shit anyway?

Christian Brothers College

Are you holy (interpreted by God as hot)? NO

YES

Immaculate Conception

NO

YES

Vianney

Does your household contain a staff?

YES

Saint Louis Priory

Did you start drinking at 14?

YES

Villa Duchesne

YES

NO

De Smet

Saint Louis University High School

NO, I PREFER SMOKING IN DADDYS AUDI

Visitation Academy

Ladue

Clayton

Do your parents care more about historic preservation than they do about your education? SORTA

YES

University City

YES, BITCH Does your daddy own lawyers? NO, WE JUST CALL THEM TO GET OUT OF TRAFFIC TICKETS

YES

NO NO Is your daddy a lawyer? YES Are your parents rich?

Did your parents do drugs?

NO, THEY TOOK ME TO CHURCH

Kirkwood

NO YES

Normandy

NO

N O N -C ATH O L I C S START HE R E

Webster Groves Do you mind being educated by felons? YES

YES

Choose Your Parkway

Fox

YES

Were there cows nearby?

Are your parents planning to move to St. Charles?

Choose Your Hazelwood

NO

NO

NO

YES

Are you Catholic? Principia NO

Bayless

SORTA

Did you grow up in the city?

YES

Do you test well?

YES

Metro

Riverview Gardens

Do you drive a muscle car? (Or would you if you had a car of your own?)

NO

Did you start playing football when you were three?

YES

NO NO Are your parents willing to pay the equivalent of a Toyota Prius every year to send you to high school? YES NO

Do you believe in the healing power of prayer and not care if others think you are insane?

NO

Do you accept Jesus Christ as your lord and Savior?

NO

Are you Jewish?

NO

Do you want to live forever? Or at least sing and dance forever?

YES

Central Visual and Performing Arts

McCluer

NO, I ONLY DRIVE AMERICAN

Is it a rice burner?

Do you party outside?

YES Block Yeshiva

YES YES NO NO, MY BRILLANCE IS NOT RECOGNIZED Whiteld School Cleveland Junior Naval Academy NO, I PREFER TO TAKE MY SMOKE BREAKS IN THE AUTOTIRE PARKING LOT

YES

YES

Really?

YES

Are you religious? Do you test well?

Do you chew tobacco?

In the woods?

YES

NO

YES Westminster Christian School Ladue YES Are you rich?

Do you have plans to join the Navy?

YES NO, BY THE RIVER Oakville

YES

YES

Do you fancy yourself like Max Fischer in Rushmore?

YES

Thomas Jefferson

Lafayette

NO

NO, IM JUST LUTHERAN

JUST COMFORTABLE NO Parkway Central NO

Are you good at football or basketball?

YES

Choose your suburban school

Mehlville

Hancock

NO, WE HAVE HOUSES FOR THAT

Lutheran North/South University City

Do you believe in peace, love and the power of your own personal mantra, which you received from your own personal guru?

NO YES Crossroads College Prep Marquette

St. Louis Public Schools (Sorry, youre stuck!)

NO

MICDS

NO

Could you get into John Burroughs?

YES

John Burroughs