Help, Dont Hover: Thoughts for Parents of College Students By Robert J. Massa I had parents. I am a parent.

Some of my best friends are parents. So why do I get uneasy when a mother calls to arrange an admission interview for her son o r when parents are the only ones to ask questions during a group information ses sion or when a father tells me that we are applying to six top colleges? And lest one think it ends with college admissions, my colleagues in academic an d student affairs can relate stories of parents wanting to attend judicial heari ngs or challenging a professor about their daughters grades. My parents had trou ble even spelling university. In their book, Millenials go to College, Neil Howe and William Strauss speak of hel icopter parents, defining our generation of parents as always hovering ultra-prote ctive, unwilling to let go and enlisting the team (physician, lawyer, psychiatri st) to assert a variety of special needs and interest. When parents dont get the ir way, Howe and Strauss say, they threaten to take their business elsewhere or s ue. When my children were growing up, my wife and i joined our neighbors in the omni present caravan to Little League games, volleyball matches, piano lessons and sc outs. Was this programming for our children wrong? Were the values we tried to t each our kids (working toward a goal, integrity, cooperation and respect) misgui ded? I think not. But somewhere along the way, many of us mistook our needs to see our children excel with their needs to be kids. Enter the college-prep mom and dad. With inquisitive parents in tow, students seem more nervous than in the past dur ing a campus visit. After admission, the parent typically writes an appeal to t he scholarship committee about why the child deserves a monetary award. And if the student is placed on the wait list or denied admission, the parent, with his ego bruised more than his sons, calls to put pressure on the admission officer. Despite our best efforts to impress upon parents that their children should take charge of the admission process, the helicopter blades continue to whirl. I ha ve heard student affairs professionals at orientation programs advise parents to allow their children to handle their own challenges and to work with college of ficials to instill in them a sense of confidence and a willingness to take ris ks. Upperclass students during freshman orientation often perform skits reveali ng the silliness of parent over-involvement. Everyone laughs and gets it. Then, parents leave, a terrible roommate situation or a class scheduling conflict occu rs, and the phone calls to the dean begin. A college is a special nt to go unnoticed and annot help students to s intervene every time all for help. place. Young people seeking only a credential and who wa unchallenged need not apply. College faculty and staff c become independent thinkers and problem solvers if parent their emerging adults (as the New York Times called them) c

As difficult as it is for parents like me to avoid, interference of this sort un dercuts the large investment we make in our childrens education. Instead, parents should listen, reflect and advise. Let the faculty and staff do what they do b est help young people become engaged citizens and leaders in this complex world. And so, I solemnly swear that the next time my daughter asks me to call the comp uter center director at her college to intervene on her behalf, I will firmly bi te my tongue and politely say no.

Robert J. Massa is Vice President for Communications at Lafayette College in Eas ton, PA. This piece, first written in 2005, continues to be timely today.