Anger Management

Why am I so angry and what can I do about it?

Jamie Reed, M.Ed.

What Can You Learn?

The definition of anger How anger affects you physically Understanding anger payoffs How anger can affect relationships How to deal with angry feelings effectively Steps to take to prevent an angry outburst

The Definition of Anger

Wikipedia provided the following definition of anger:

[1] Anger is an emotional state that may range from minor irritation to intense rage. The physical effects of anger include increased heart rate, blood pressures, etc. [2] Some view Anger as part of the fight or flight brain response to the perceived threat of pain. [3] Anger becomes the predominant feeling behaviorally, cognitively and physiologically when a person makes the conscious choice to take action to immediately stop the threatening behavior of another outside force.

How anger affects you physically

What are some warning signs the body gives letting you know you are getting angry?
Physical signs: Heightened tension, shortness of breath, rapid heart rate, headache or stomachache, clenching your fists, sweating Emotional signs: Depression, guilt, anxiety, release through tears or yelling Other signs: Craving alcohol, cigarettes, food, or something to help you relax

Words that Describe Feelings of Anger Fuming

Raging

Angry
Furious

Mad
Upset
Enraged

Irritated

Bristling
Irate

Outraged
Seething

Danger!

Danger!

Danger!

Theres nothing wrong with occasional, moderate anger. It creates no lasting harm. But chronic, sustained anger can be a serious problem. By keeping the body in a constant state of emergency, chronic anger can contribute to hypertension, heart disease, and increased mortality from all causes (McKay & Rogers, 2000, p. 10).

Anger Payoffs
Why express anger? Everyone releases anger in their own way to meet their own needs.
Expressing anger might allow you to manipulate and control others through aggressive and intimidating behavior. Expressing anger releases tension. Expressing anger can reduce stress. Expressing anger can hide emotional pain. Expressing anger gets attention. Expressing anger can be used for punishment and revenge.

How Does Anger Affect Relationships?

Anger can result in domestic violence.

People who are around the angry person tend to shut down in order not to anger that person.
Others get their feelings hurt. Other people become defiant, become indifferent, avoid you, or lose respect for the angry person.

Improve communication skills

Communication is a two-way process. In successful communication, the sender is clear and accurately conveys the message he is trying to send, then the receiver clearly understands the message. Miscommunication occurs if the sender does not send a clear message or the receiver does not understand the message being sent by the sender.

Establish Healthy Boundaries for Your Anger

When your anger becomes too intense, stop and walk away. For example, if the anger seems to be a 7 or more on a 10point scale, STOP! Physical violence is never acceptable. Set a limit on how much anger will be expressed toward a loved one. Respect needs to be mutual. Yelling is not necessary to get your point across. Let the other person have the last word. Call a timeout so the discussion can be resumed when everyone is more rational. (Gentry, pp. 308-309)

The following are steps to successful communication within a family or group:

Everyone in the conflict be included. 2. Allow everyone time to calm down if needed. 3. Use neutral language. 4. No name-calling. 5. Each persons request needs to be considered and each persons opinion needs to be heard. 6. Everyone should use active listening skills. 7. Generate new solutions to resolve the conflict. 8. Use humor. 9. Discuss each idea. 10. Vote or agree on a solution before the issue is considered resolved.
1.

How to deal with angry feelings effectively Identify the emotional baggage
from childhood issues. Take steps to establish real communication skills.

Identify stressors and learn stress-management techniques and relaxation skills.

Learn to state your true feelings.

Learn to recognize your bodys reactions to anger.

Attempt to see things from the other persons perspective.

The following are some steps you can take to prevent an angry outburst:

The three Rs:

1. Relax 2. Rethink 3. Redirect

Create Coping Thoughts

Create coping thoughts and use these thoughts to stay in control of anger. Coping thoughts can help a person to stay calm and relaxed.
Some thoughts could be: take a deep breath and relax, I can manage this because Im in control, I dont have to take this so seriously, I can get through this. Commit to using these thoughts whenever there are feelings of anger, as this is a tool that can be effective in maintaining control of anger and aggression.

Think of situations that provoke anger and plan a coping response for these in advance.
(McKay & Rogers, pp. 71-82)