Skills in Business Writing

Dr. Sarma-Saama Academy August 2010

 The Most Common Problems

in Management Documents

Long sentences-verbosity leads to chaos

E.G As per our conversation, I am enclosing herewith a remittance of $25 for the
balance due on my account. (18 words)
• As we discussed, here is the $25 remaining on my account. (11 words)
• Here is the $25 remaining on my account. (8 words).

• As pertaining to the question of whether or not to construct a new storage facility,

corporate management will ascertain the appropriateness of such an issue in the near
future.
• Management will decide next week whether to build a new storage facility.

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 The Most Common Problems
in Management Documents (cont’d)

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 The Active and Passive Voice

• Active: “
BMC bought our solution.”
• Passive:
• “Our software was bought by BMC.”
• Obscure Passive:
our software was bought.”

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 What’s Wrong with
Passive Constructions?

• It generally adds length to a sentence -- 25% to 33% on

average.
• The agent or human factor is often obscured or deleted.
• Responsibility for actions in the sentence are obscure or
missing entirely.

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 How Can You Recognize
an Active Sentence?

• Doers Before Verbs.

• Before: The foregoing price table is intended to assist
investors in understanding the costs and expenses that a
shareholder will bear directly or indirectly.
• After: This fee table shows the costs and expenses you
would pay directly or indirectly if you invested in our fund.

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 Active Voice Really is Better

• Before: “The proxies solicited hereby may be revoked,

subject to the procedures described herein, at any time up
to and including the date of the meeting.”
• After: “You may revoke your proxy and reclaim your
right to vote any time, up to and including the day of the
meeting.”

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 Nominalizations

• Does the sentence use any form of the verbs to

be, to have, or another weak verb, with a noun
that could be turned into a strong verb?
• In the samples that follow, strong verbs lie
hidden in nominalizations, nouns derived from a
verb that usually ends in -tion.

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 Nominalizations

• Before: “We made an application.”

• After: “We applied . . .”
• Before: “We made a determination.”
• After: “We determined . . .”
• Before: “We will make a distribution.”
• After: “We will distribute . . .”

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 Why Use Personal Pronouns?

• First, personal pronouns aid your reader’s

comprehension because they make clear what
applies to your reader and what applies to you.
• Second, they allow you to “speak” directly to
your reader, creating an appealing tone that will
keep your reader reading.

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 Why Use Personal Pronouns?

• Third, they help you to avoid abstractions and to use

more concrete and everyday language.
• Fourth, they keep your sentences short.
• Fifth, first- and second-person pronouns aren’t
gender specific, allowing you to avoid the “he and she”
dilemma. The pronouns to use are first person plural
(we, us our) and second singular (you, yours).

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 Write Much Less Abstractly

• A Carnegie-Mellon study discovered that

readers faced with complex written information
frequently resorted to creating “scenarios” in an
effort to understand the text. They often made an
abstract concept understandable by using it in a
hypothetical situation in which people performed
actions.

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 Write Less Abstractly

• Before: “Sandyhill Basic Value Fund (the “Fund”) seeks

capital appreciation and, secondarily, income by investing
in securities, primarily equities, that management of the
Fund believes are undervalued and, therefore, represent
basic investment value.

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 Write Less Abstractly

• After: “At the Sandyhill Basic Value Fund, we

will strive to increase the value of your shares
(capital appreciation) and, to a lesser extent, to
provide income (dividends). We will invest
primarily in undervalued stocks, meaning those
selling for low prices given the financial strength
of the companies.”

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 Write Less Abstractly

• Before: No consideration or surrender of Beco Stock

will be required of shareholders of Beco in return for
the shares of Unis Common Stock issued pursuant to
the Distribution.
• After: You will not have to pay for or turn in your
shares of Beco stock to receive your shares of Unis
common stock from the spin-off.

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 Omit Superfluous Words

• in accordance with • by, with

• in the event that • if
• subsequent to
• after
• prior to
• despite the fact that
• before
• because of the fact • although
• in light of • because, since
• owing to the fact that • because, since
• because, since

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 Omit Superfluous Words

• Before: “The following summary is intended only to

highlight certain information contained elsewhere in this
prospectus.”
• After: “This summary highlights some information from
this prospectus.”

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 Write “Positively”

• Positive sentences are shorter and easier to

understand than their negative counterparts.
• Before: “Persons other than the primary
beneficiary may not receive these dividends.”
• After: “Only the primary beneficiary may receive
these dividends.”
• Those who qualify will get the bonus.

• Those who are not meeting the criteria will not get
the bonus

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 Write “Positively”

• not able • unable

• not accept • reject
• not certain • uncertain
• not unlike • similar, alike
• does not have • lacks
• not many • excludes, omits
• not often • few
• not the same • rarely
• not . . . unless • different

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 Replace Jargon and Legalese with Short, Common Words

• Ruthlessly eliminate jargon and legalese. Instead, use

short common words to get your points across. In those
instances where there is no plain English alternative,
explain what the term means when you first use it.
• The new FMIS system from Global provides VOR/DME nav
redundancy, as well as enhanced GPS capability.
• Global's new flight management system provides several ways to
navigate your airplane, including the latest in satellite navigation.
• “The SBOP training will be for STAs”-how many understand
SBOP and STA?

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 Choose the Simpler Synonym

• Surround complex ideas with short, common words.

• For example, use end instead of terminate;

• explain rather than elucidate, and use instead of utilize.

• As a rule of thumb, when a shorter, simpler synonym

exists, use it.

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 Keep subject, verb, and object as close together as
possible

• The natural word order of English speakers is subject-

verb-object.
• Before: “Holders of the Class A and Class B-1
certificates will be entitled to receive on each Payment
Date, to the extent monies are available therefor (but not
more than the Class A Certificate Balance or Class B-1
Certificate Balance outstanding), a distribution.”

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 Keep subject, verb, and object as close
together as possible

• After: “Class A and Class B-1 certificate holders will

receive a distribution on each payment date if there is
cash available on those dates for their class.”

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 Keep Your Sentence Structure Parallel

• Parallelism means ensuring a list or series of items is

presented using parallel parts of speech: nouns, verbs, or
adverbs.
• Before: “We invest the Fund’s assets in short-term
money market securities to provide you with liquidity,
protection of your investment, and high current income.”

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 Keep Your Sentence Structure Parallel

• That sentence was unparallel because the

series is made up of two nouns and an adjective
before the third noun.
• After: “We invest in short-term money market
securities to provide you with liquidity, to protect
your investment, and to generate high current
income.”

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 Classification of Reports

• Formal Reports and Informal Reports

• Information Reports
• Analytical Reports
• Recommendation Reports

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5 Steps to Report Writing1

1. Define the problem

2. Gather the necessary information
3. Analyze the information
4. Organize the information
5. Write the report

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 Writing Style

• Brief writing style

– Omit needless words
– Combine sentences
– Rewrite
Saama’s main objective is to increase sales. Specifically,
the objective is to double sales in the next five years by
becoming a more successful business.
– Saama’s objective is to double sales in the next five
years.

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Making Messages Effective

Clear
Complete
Correct
Save reader’s time
Build good will

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 Bias-free Communication

• Managers and their wives will…

• Managers and their spouses will…
• Manpower – Personnel
• Man-hours – Hours or working hours
• Manning – Staffing
• Workman – Worker, employee, writer
• Chairman – Chair, chairperson

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 Bias-free Communication

• Plural nouns and pronouns

– Supervisors must…their departments.
• Use you.
– You must work for your department.
• Substitute with article or revise sentence
– Supervisor...time sheet for the department.
– The nurse will fill out the accident report.

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 Remember these five rules from George Orwell's "Politics
and the English Language

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