Assertiveness

Confirming confidently, positively. To defend ones rights or opinions, sometimes with unnecessary zeal. Chambers Dictionary Expressing opinions or desires strongly and with confidence so that people take notice.
Oxford Advanced Learners Dictionary

Assertiveness

Passive

Assertive

Aggressive

Assertiveness
Passive Style
Not expressing needs Self-devaluing Waiting to be led Small posture Quiet, hesitant voice Little eye contact Sorry to bother you I cant seem to Its only my opinion

Assertive

Aggressive

Honest, open, direct Domineering, insisting Recognises own rights Win / lose Listens to others needs Not listening Upright, balanced pose Firm, clear voice Steady eye contact I believe/need/Id like No (when appropriate) Open questions Interrupting Loud Staring, pointing That wont work You cant be serious Your problem / fault

Nonverbal behaviour Language

Assertiveness
Assertiveness and self-confidence methods 1. Know your facts and have them to hand. 2. Anticipate other people's behaviour and prepare your responses. 3. Prepare and use good open questions. 4. Re-condition and practice your own new reactions to aggression - display positive writings where you will read them often - it's a proven successful technique.
www.businessballs.com

Assertiveness
3. Prepare and use good open questions.
Questions that bullies dislike most are deep, constructive, incisive and probing, especially if the question exposes a lack of thought, preparation, consideration, consultation on their part. For example:

'What is your evidence for what youve said ?' 'Who have you consulted about this?' 'How did you go about looking for other solutions?' 'How have you measured the problem ?' 'How will you measure the true effectiveness of your solution if you implement it?'
www.businessballs.com

Assertiveness
Potential scripts:
When you

I feel because and I would like / need .

Assertiveness
Barriers (FEAR)

I wont be able to handle it. Others decisions Others attitudes Patterns: - not wanting to upset - not wanting to put out - acquiescing Lack of self-belief Lack of clear intentions

Assertiveness
Im OK

Youre not OK

Youre OK

Im not OK

Assertiveness
Im OK
AGGRESSIVE ASSERTIVE

Youre not OK

Youre OK

PASSIVE / AGGRESSIVE

PASSIVE

Im not OK

Assertiveness
Actions (LOVE)

Only you can know whats important for you. (So the sames true for others) Focus on that Stick to that Show / demonstrate the positive . . imagine getting positive back Value yourself . and continue to

Assertiveness
Metaphysical / Holistic writers (USA):

Need a new, different way to relate to one another Universal spirituality Unconditional acceptance Focus on personal change and positive effects will ripple out to others if necessary. The present conditions contain everything you need (to learn)

Assertiveness
Those who see themselves as weakened do attack. The attack must be blind however, because there is nothing to attack. Therefore they make up images, perceive them as unworthy and attack them for their unworthiness. That is all the world of the ego is.
Schucman, H. & Thetford, W. (1996) A Course in Miracles

Assertiveness
Dont believe yourself and dont believe anybody else.

The Four Agreements:

Be impeccable with your word Dont take anything personally Dont make assumptions Always do your best
Ruiz, M. (2004) The Voice of Knowledge

Assertiveness
Much of our stress comes from mentally living out of our own business. When I think, You should be on time, Im in your business. To think that I know whats best for anyone else out there is pure arrogance, and the result is tension, anxiety and fear. Do I know whats right for myself ? That is my only business. Let me work with that before I try to solve your problems for you.
Mitchell, B.K. (2002) Loving What Is

Assertiveness
Inquiry: The Four Questions and Turnaround

Is it true ? Can you absolutely know that its true ? How do you react when you think that thought ? Who would you be without that thought ?

Turn it around
Mitchell, B.K. (2002) Loving What Is